02

I swallowed with great difficulty, my heart pounding like a crazed drum inside my chest.

I opened my mouth to speak but no voice came out.

I forced the lump down my throat and tried again. “Then why the hell did you let me think that you slept with her ?”

Sebastian’s face hardened like granite. “Because you hurt me so damned much I wanted to hurt you back. First, you didn’t love me enough to marry me. Next, you were ready to believe the worst of me before I could even get a chance to explain. Then you taunted me with my sins. I lashed out. I didn’t want to be the only one hurting.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I perched on the thick, sturdy arm rest of a leather armchair, groping for some internal balance. “She stayed the night, Sebastian, and I don’t think it’s because of the laundry.”

Guilt became plain on his face. “Yes, she did. And that’s when my lies became the truth. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need you. That I was still in control. That you haven’t broken me. Natalie never forgave me for crying out your name over and over again as I used her to vent out my suffering. So you see, you weren’t wrong in hating me. I still hate myself.”

His confession didn’t make the pain hurt less but it consoled me somehow that Sebastian didn’t cheat on me. Very minor technicalities, I know, but I’d already marched out of his life when he let his demons win him over.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this when you came to see me at school ?” I asked quietly.

“Because it didn’t matter,” he said harshly. “What good is a truth about a lie I made good on anyway ?”

I looked away. “It would’ve mattered to me.”

“I don’t even know why I came then,” he continued gruffly. “Maybe because I was going out of my mind without you. But even then, coming to see you, I knew I already lost you to the life you wanted.”

The life I wanted was the one I’d have with you.

But I didn’t say any of that.

I took a deep breath and got up on my feet, turning towards the door. “Well, I guess no matter what really happened, we’re back to where we are now—apart. I have to go, Sebastian.”

“Not a chance in hell.” His expression was fierce when he reached out and grabbed me by the waist, pressing me against him. “I didn’t wait four years just to let you walk away again, Cassandra. You’ve got what you wanted. Now it’s my turn.”

I glared up at him. “What do you mean you waited four years ? What, did you pencil me in on your calendar ? Check back in four years ?”

His eyes glittered. “I never once stopped you from coming back. You stayed away and I let you. You wanted an independent life—a chance at being regular Cassandra Collins—and I gave it to you hoping that it’d be enough. Well, four years has been a blasted eternity. I’m done waiting.”

Sebastian lowered his head and sought my lips with another bruising kiss, his fingers tangling into my unbound hair. I could feel his desperation with every stroke, every touch, every breath we shared and my defenses crumbled like they were made of sand.

I slipped my own hands through his hair, cradling his face with my other, kissing him back for all I was worth.

How easy it would be to shed the pain and hurt of the last four years—to step back into the arms where I found happiness and solace, to lose myself once again in a tumultuous love affair with this man who craved and needed me like I were his soul.

“I’ve waited so long to kiss you like this again,” Sebastian murmured as he trailed kisses along my jaw. “I thought I would go crazy counting the days until you reappeared in my life. I thought you would never get here. I worried you’d get scared in the last minute and decide to go work somewhere else.”

I stilled.

His words replayed in my head, a cold fist of dread tightening in my stomach.

I abruptly shoved him off of me. “What do you mean you thought I’d never get here ? That I might get scared and decide to work somewhere else ? Did you know I was going to work here ?”

His face tightened with frustration, his green eyes flickering warily.

He took a moment before answering. “Yes. I knew.”

My eyes narrowed. “When did you know ?”

“The second you signed your name on the dotted line,” he replied, sighing loudly as he staggered back several steps. “I know the exact time you walked in through the door on your first day. I know what you did and who you talked to every single day since you started.”

I sucked in a breath but refused to let my gaze waver. “And pray tell how you became privy to all of that information. Were you having me monitored, Sebastian ?”

His expression darkened in annoyance. “I wanted to make sure everything went smoothly. I didn’t want you to be unhappy and decide to leave. I worked hard to get you here. There’s no way I’m going to let you slip through my fingers just like that.”

“You worked hard to get me here ?” I echoed in incredulity. “I daresay I worked hard to get me—”

My words came to an abrupt halt just as the truth dawned on me.

Sebastian was watching me and something on my face must’ve registered on him because he suddenly paled and straightened, reaching for me. I instinctively stepped back.

“Just what the hell did you do, Sebastian ?” I suddenly yelled, exploding in glorious fury.

He hesitated. “Cassandra—”

“A handful of lies cost us everything last time, Sebastian,” I warned, seething. “Are we going to start with them now too ? Because this time this may cost you plenty more than what you thought you lost four years ago.”

“I did what I needed to do, alright ?” he snapped, now furious as well. “I made sure college happened. I made sure you were comfortable. I made sure you got to do everything you wanted to do. I made sure you were happy. I made sure—”

I clenched my fists. “Did you have anything to do with the generous bursary I received ? Because it felt like a fairy godmother dropped that one in.”

He pursed his lips in a deliberate attempt at delaying. “Elliot St. Claire was my grandfather on my mother’s side. He believed in everyone’s right to education. He wouldn’t have minded that I created the foundation with his name.”

My eyes almost bugged out. “You created the foundation ? But Burkett said—I mean, there were other students…”

“Kevin Burkett was happy to start the project,” Sebastian answered irritably. “You wouldn’t take anything from me willingly so I had to make it happen some other way. I decided to expand it. It’s now a full-fledged scholarship program. You just happened to be its first beneficiary. You won’t be the last.”

Part of me was relieved while another was flabbergasted at how far Sebastian went.

Flabbergasted and appalled.

“So you funded most of my college expenses. Did you also decree that I receive three job offers upon graduation ?”

“Of course not,” he returned quickly, scowling, before he saw my glare and relaxed. “The offer to work for my company was a given from day one. The other job offers you earned purely because of your academic merit. We had to compete to make sure you didn’t choose any of the other ones.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “That would explain my excellent employment package—the outrageous salary, the all-expense-paid move to Cobalt Bay, the apartment. How the hell did they even know what colors I liked ?”

Sebastian shifted uncomfortably. “I picked them out. I personally selected your apartment. I wanted something that would suit you perfectly—something you’d like.”

If I weren’t so angry, I’d smile.

Dealing with Sebastian Vice was like trying to defend one’s self against a double-edged sword.

“Did you paint my walls ?”