Love.

Ashlynn POV.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I finally found someone who'd love me for who I'm, well not who I'm she doesn't know I'm a little, we've been trying something else, I got to the club more and more often, we get to play together there, I was too worried about telling my family about her, they wouldn't get it.

"Ashlynn, wanna play?" Kiara asks me, I shake my head no, I don't want to go little, I'm fighting my little side, I'm trying my best to avoid slipping.

"No, I'm not feeling little," I tell her, she leaves me be whenever I tell her that I'm not feeling little to join her in her games.

"But you can colour even if you're not little," she says, but colouring would make me slip.

"No, I don't feel like it," I tell her hoping she'd get lost but she doesn't, she keeps on whining about playing alone.

"Come on Ashlynn, you never home anymore, and you never play with me!" she whines, there's no leaving without playing with Kiara, I don't want her to get upset and cry either, I'm not evil, I really like her.

"Fine, one page," I say, deciding to colour with her, I'm happy today, I won't see Amber today either.

We went to Kiara's room, it's hers and Jacob's she got some colouring books for us, along with her crayons, we both sat on the floor and began to colour, I was so happy that I drew hearts over the page, used pretty light colours. And then I slipped, I completely slipped for the first time in a couple of solid months, ever since I and Amber got together, ever since I fell in love.

"Kiki wook, pwetty hearts," I say showing off my colouring and drawings.

"Pretty," Kiara says with a big smile, now that I'm feeling little, I didn't mind telling her everything.

"Kiki, I think I'm in love," I whisper to her, I trust her, she's my bestie.

"In love? Me too, but me love daddy, and you?" she asks me making me giggle, I know she would keep my secret.

"Her name is Amber," I whisper to her, waiting for her reaction, she's in straight relation with her daddy while I'm more on the bi side.

"She's your mommy?" Kiara asks raising a brow at me, for us littles, a lover would be our dom, would be our cg, they'd be our mommies and daddies, but I'm hiding my little side from Amber.

"Nu, she doesn't know I'm a little," I say with a frown, I want to tell her, but that's not what she wants, she wants a submissive, not a little.

"Why not? Why not tell her?" kiara asks, but it's complicated, so complicated it got my head spinning and little space slipping off, I groaned and stood off the ground,I don't wanna talk anymore.

"Ashlynn?" she calls me but I decided to ignore her and get back to my room.

"I got...I got something to do," I say leaving her room, feeling broken, maybe I should just tell Amber what I'm, but I'm still afraid of her reaction, maybe I should think this through.

I sat in my bed, trying to take a nap, naps usually help me when I'm feeling a drop between the two spaces, I closed my eyes trying to stop thinking, if I don't think I won't feel this lonely right?

But my room isn't my room anymore, ever since Jordy got married and left, I moved into Kiara's old room, a room with only one bed instead of the room with two beds for me and Jordy, now I sleep alone, now I don't have anyone to slip in their bed when feeling lonely, I'm too old and big to go to my mother's bed or Keiran, god help Keiran, he's such an old guy with no mate, how does he live with the emptiness, at twenty-five, the void in my soul is killing me.

I had to force myself to relax, don't think, I'll be with Amber soon, and then everything would be better, she might not be my mate, but she's the one I'm falling in love with, she's here and she fills the pain, I love her, I tell myself over and over again, I do, don't I?

I slept and had some dreams, bad dreams, nightmares, I've been having them again when I was younger, I always ran to sleep in Jordy's bed or mom's even Keiran's bed wasn't a bad option.

I woke up in fear, I was trembling, sweaty with the after effect of the dream, I needed someone to hold me, someone to tell me it was all okay, and the only person I could think about right now was Amber. I got my phone and called her, but she doesn't live in the same town as me, she got to work in the daytime, but I hoped she'd have some time to answer her phone.

"Hello," she says answering the phone.

"A...Amber," I say although I'm supposed to call her mistress or something else out of respect, but I wasn't feeling like it right now.

"Yes, Ashlynn?" she answers me, her voice was monotone, I couldn't read her over the phone.

"I...I had a nightmare," I say on the verge of tears now, is it time to tell her I'm little? It feels like it.

"A nightmare?" she repeats after me, yes a nightmare!

"Mhm, I'm scared," I confess, feeling little, I'm telling her things now.

"Where are you Ashlynn?" she asks me.

"Home, in my bed," I tell her, looking around the room, but I hate being here alone.

"It's scary in here," I add, her voice was still the same monotone voice, it didn't change.

"You don't like being alone?" she asks me, I did mention that before to her, the fact that I don't enjoy being alone.

"Nu, nut at all, alone is scawy," I confess again.

"Ashlynn, do you have anything to tell me?" she asks her voice finally changing, she sounded interested this time.

"Mhm, me coloured a pretty, I added hearts," I say, I did that today.

"Ashlynn, do you feel different?" she asks me, I didn't feel different.

"I feel little," I explain to her, that's how I feel right now.

"Little, I see," she says, not saying anything else.

"Amber," I say trying to get her to talk.

"Shouldn't it be mommy?" she asks me, making my heart skip a beat, mommy?

"Would you be...?" I ask not finishing the question.

"Now say it," she orders me.

"Mommy," I saw with a blush.