5

“So,” said Axel.

“So,” I said, finding my smile.Time to put on a smile, I heard my mom say from the back of my mind.

Back in Wisconsin, it was lunchtime. I thought happy thoughts, about the family table covered with mashed potatoes, cornbread. But before I could find my happy place, I had to ask again. To make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“You own it?” I said, tentatively.

Axel nodded. “About five years now. We’re pretty happy with it. What did you think?”

I tried to steel myself to be polite. “It’s incredible. Really, Axel, that’s so impressive. I can’t imagine—I mean, you must be very proud.”

“What about you, Linda? You’re waitressing now?” said Axel.

“Yeah,” I said, startled from my dream. “Well, for the last couple of years. For a while, I worked as a housekeeper, cleaner. Maid. All kinds of stuff. ”

“What about your music?” said Axel, and I felt my body tense.

“I had to give it up,” I said.

“Why?” Axel said, incredulously.

“These things come and go,” I twittered, still smiling. Keeping a happy face on. Even though I felt like the slightest pressure would crack the happy picture I presented into a hundred shards and reveal a tired, desperate mother in need of the next paycheck.

“For some people, maybe,” huffed Axel. “Not for me.”

I didn’t say anything. It was easy for Axel to be devoted to his career, of course. But not for me. I had other responsibilities. How could I even begin to explain to him?

“Life doesn’t always pan out the way you want it to,” I said. “But I’ll get back on top one day. Just you wait!”

“If I’m unhappy with something in my life…” grunted Axel, “…I change it. Plain and simple. That’s how I got where I am.”

I felt a little hurt by that, and tried to remember what I knew about Axel. I’d heard about him from time to time, of course. I’d once seen him in the papers, even heard about him on the street. I guess I knew where the money had come from that Axel had sent me. He was rich: richer than I could even guess. But I’d never once thought of contacting him after the letter arrived. I didn’t know what I’d do when I saw him again. But now, I was beginning to realize that there was another reason I’d never contacted Axel. It was that I preferred remembering him as he’d been in Bali.

Because the man sitting in front of me right now seemed like an arrogant jerk, to be perfectly honest.

Still, I didn’t want to judge Axel too harshly. Seeing him was a shock. But I had to remember that the past was the past.

“I have a lot of other commitments,” I said.

"Commitments?”

“You know.Familycommitments?”

“What, are youmarriedor something?”

“No,” I replied. For some reason, that stung most of all.

Axel looked like he was about to say more, but then he stopped, and shook his head.

“Linda,” he said. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’m sorry I sent that letter. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Thank you,” I said. His apology didn’t even begin to scratch the surface, but somehow I was hoping that if I pretended it was fine, the feelings wouldn’t keep bubbling up, that I’d still be able to keep smiling, keep being nice, to the man who’d ruined everything, to the guy who’d abandoned me when I most needed him…

“And I hope the money was useful.”

That did it.

“I gave it to a dog shelter,” I replied.

“What?”

“I said,I gave it to a dog shelter.”

“Why? That was foryou…for whatever trouble you were in!”

“I don’t need your money, mister. Never did. I told you that when I called, as a matter of fact. I said I needed your help, to talk to you.”

“I…just…” said Axel. He’d screwed up his face and his piercing blue eyes were burning like cold fire. He looked like he was about to lose his temper.

“So, there’s nothing I can do?” he said.

“No. Not now.”

“And you don’t want to tell me about whatever it was? That you called me about?”

“Not your problem!” I said, happily. Even if it made me most unhappy to say it.

“So, we’re not going to talk about it at all?”

“You sure are a smart cookie,” I replied sarcastically.

That did it. Axel had stood, and was buttoning his elegant designer blazer.

“It was good seeing you, Linda,” he said, through gritted teeth. “But I really must go.” I watched him pick his way gingerly through the crowded coffee shop.

But I didn’t care. Sure, I’d been really looking forward to working atThe Blue Orchid. But I was better off without Axel Linden.