05

Stella

(Edited once)

I was sitting on a king-sized bed in a large bedroom, ten times bigger than my old room. Julian told me to wait for him, then got out of the room and had not returned since. Will he hurt me like Raymond? I can not trust men. Not all men were the same, but what if?

He did save me from my abuser, but I could not help but feel trapped, which contradicts my feelings when I was in Julian’s arms. I was in a house that was full of men. They could be like Raymond, for all I know. He was nice initially but turned out to be the cruel mad wolf who was so abusive and vicious and preyed on the weak. I believed they were waiting for the perfect moment to beat me up. They wanted to gain my trust first.

I can’t let my guard down. I won’t let my guard down.

I was cut off from my thoughts by Julian’s knocking on his door. He did not have to do that. It was his house, but that was precisely what I meant. He wanted my trust to take advantage of me later. “Stella, can I come in?” he asked in a soft and polite tone. Yet, with all of my conflicting emotions and alarms, I felt that I belonged here, which was super weird.

“Yeah,” I replied. Now that I think about it, why did Julian refer to me as his? Is flirting this weird?

He entered while holding a tray filled with all kinds of food. The smell was delicious. It was mouthwatering, and I felt that my stomach was demanding to have something in it. It had been a couple of days since I last ate anything. My breath stinks. Did he smell it?

“Here you go,” he handed me the tray, and I stared at him.

Why would he give me food? I am not worthy of it.

“Why?” I found myself asking, confused at his action.

“Why what?” he replied with a questioning expression, and I gestured to the food. “Because you need it, and you’re so skinny. You need to eat to be healthier, Stella,” he explained with a sincere smile that I was not used to seeing on anyone except Skye. I could not refuse his offer since my stomach decided that it was the perfect time to grumble.

I nodded, feeling embarrassed at myself yet helpless. “Thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome. By the way, I searched for clothes you can wear but found none of your sizes. You’re too small, and there are no female clothes here. Do you mind if you wear my shirt? It’s big and will cover you up,” he asked, looking at the floor with a bit of blush on his cheeks. He was sweet and gentle.

“I don’t mind. Thank you, Julian,” I said, and he rewarded me with his million dollars smile, which made his dimple more noticeable and more adorable. Do not trust yet, Stella.

“Great, now eat while I prepare the shower; you need it to relax.” I shook my head lightly.

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that. I’ll just eat this, then take my leave.” As soon as I uttered those words, he was so quick I did not see how he became so close to me in split seconds.

I looked into his captivating honey eyes and recognized the hurt and sadness one feels when one loses something or someone, and it troubled me that I was the cause of it. “You don’t have to leave. You could stay here for as long as you want. You can even stay here forever, not to sound creepy or anything,” he remarked and raised his hand.

For a second, I thought he would hit me, so I flinched and closed my eyes, waiting for the blow to land on my face. However, it never came. “Stella, can you open your eyes?” he asked calmly. I opened them slowly and saw his frown, and it killed me to see him in this state. Why? I had never met him before, yet why do I feel so attached?

He arched his eyebrows at me. “You thought I was going to hit you?”

I nodded, feeling a bit scared of his reaction. “Yeah…” There was no point in hiding it. He already met Raymond.

He put his hands on both of my shoulders and sighed. “Stella, I wasn’t, wouldn’t, and won’t ever hit you! Don’t even consider it. I will never lay a hand on you in a bad way. I’d rather die than do that,” he replied genuinely. “But I need to know why you flinched. Was your brother the cause of your paranoias?” he asked, and I felt like an arrow made its way through my fragile, tired, and dull heart. I remained silent, not knowing what to say. I had never shared my terrors with anyone before.

“Stella.” Julian held my hands and squeezed them gently. “You could tell me. I’ll listen and won’t judge.”

I looked at him, hesitant and frightened. “but he will come after me!” I stuttered with fear remembering all the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse I had endured all these years.

“No, he won’t. I won’t let him lay a hand on you or come near you. Tell me everything after you take your shower, okay?” he whispered, and I nodded.

What was wrong with me? It was like I couldn’t resist him!

I hopped into the bathtub after half an hour of debating with myself whether I should listen to him or run for it. I listened to my heart for the first time in a while, and I was pleased. I missed this feeling: the warmth and the relaxed body sensation.

I had not taken this long shower all these years. The maximum time I was allowed was three minutes, and I was not exaggerating. Raymond used to stand by the bathroom door and wait three whole minutes. After time passed, he would turn off the lights and makes me change in the dark, old, cold, and scary bathroom.

I was brought back to reality by a knock on the door. “Stella, are you okay in there?” Julian’s worried voice echoed in my ears. I immediately stood up, grabbed the towel, and warped it around my tiny and bruised body. “Yes, how long have I been in here?” I asked, looking for the clothes that I was supposed to wear.

“An hour and your clothes are on the bed. I’ll leave you alone to change,” Julian replied, and I smiled. He is a gentleman.

“Thank you,” I said as I slowly opened the bathroom door and made sure that no one was in the room. I took a quick scan and saw the clothes on the bed.

I grabbed the new boxers and pulled them to my hips, they were a little loose, so I tied them. I grabbed the shirt and was about to put it on me when the door opened. I froze, facing the other way. “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry, Stella. I thought you finished, and I was looking for my phone, em, uh sorry!” Julian apologized, and I sighed.

“That’s okay, but can you, um, get out until… I put the shirt on, please?” I asked in the politest way possible. I did not want to sound arrogant in his house. “Sur- wait… what are those, Stella?” As he asked, I felt his hand on my bareback, and I screeched. I did not dare turn so my front would not be exposed to his eyes. I was basically naked from the waist up.

“What?” I panicked while shifting in my place.

“The scars,” he stated in a firm tone, and I sighed in agony. There really was no point in hiding it from him.

“I’ll tell you, but please let me wear something first,” I pleaded, and he was out of the room without any other word. I put on the shirt, which reached my mid-thighs, so the boxers were not even visible. I soothed my hair a bit so it would not look like a nest.

When I was finished and looked presentable, I opened the door to call for Julian and tell him that it was safe to enter, but I found him right before me, waiting impatiently. “Can we talk now?” He asked, and I gave him a slight nod and let him into his room. We sat on his bed across from each other.