01

Ivy’s POV

I jolt awake and sit up, trying to calm my racing heart. Placing my hand on my forehead, I wipe away the sweat that has gathered there from the experience of my nightmare. I shouldn’t call it a nightmare, as it’s not something my mind has made up, it happened. It was a real experience.

They died and it was your fault.

You were supposed to protect them, that was your job.

You failed.

My mind batters me with these thoughts every waking moment. Sometimes I can shake them, but most times I can’t. But part of it is true.

I was supposed to protect them, and I did fail.

I swing my feet over and inhale sharply as my feet touch the cold floor of my room. I stretch, reaching my hands above my head and rotating my neck, hearing the ever so familiar crack as it releases the tension. I look down and see the familiar shine of silver around my wrists, and I sigh.

It’s been six years since that day, and only mere weeks after the incident, these shackles were put on me as punishment. I’m bound with silver, which has over time, locked away my wolf side – including the consciousness of my wolf, Seles. It’s been ages since I could hear her in my mind, and I’ve missed the company of her every single second. We worked so hard to be what we were, and now we’ve been reduced to nothing because I failed to protect the Alpha and Luna.

The Alpha and Luna of my pack, Red Moon.

The Alpha and Luna that accepted me when I was abandoned as a little girl on their pack lands.

The only family I’d known.

I walk slowly over to the bathroom door and push it open, taking care not to be loud to wake up my roommates in the house. My only two friends who care about me now, Kane and Genevieve.

Kane is one of the packs trainers and trained me back when I was working towards being a wolven warrior, and Genevieve is one of the pack healers who has tended to many injuries, but most recently mostly mine. They’ve stuck by me through everything I’ve experienced since that horrible day and have made it clear that they’re not abandoning me anytime soon, so I guess that’s good.

As I run the shower, I let my mind wander again to how my life was before this. I always regret it, but it was happier times.

I grew up here after I was left on the edge of the pack lands when I was around five years old. The Luna had discovered me, bruised and dirty and immediately brought me to the Alpha mansion to get me cleaned up. She told the Alpha that she was going to take care of me, and that was that. They also had a son, Cole who was a couple years older than me at the age of seven. So, I went from being a lonely little girl to having a family, and an Alpha family at that. They never officially adopted me, but I was welcomed into their family and the pack without question. They loved me as their own.

The years flew by with little problems aside from Cole and I not getting along like any brother or sister would, and soon enough we were young teenagers dealing with first crushes and the like. It was then that Cole and I started our training to prepare us for future roles we would take in the pack. We went through rigorous weapons and fighting training, where I discovered that I excelled. Cole was brought into more of the pack duties as he would one day be Alpha and would need to know the ins and outs of diplomacy within the pack. The Alpha and Luna were stern and made sure we knew what was expected of us, but they always treated us with respect and love.

When I was 16, I decided I wanted to become a warrior. I already knew how to fight, and I fought well. I wanted to protect the pack and be a force to be reckoned with when it came to our enemies. I worked my ass off for the next two years and when I was 18, I was the top ranked and only female fighter in our pack. I became close friends with Kane and Genevieve around this time, as Kane was my sparring partner and Genevieve was the one tending to most of my injuries.

Then came the best thing that was ever asked of me. The Alpha and Luna asked me to be their guard. They knew I had worked so hard and rewarded me with one of the more elite jobs in the pack. I knew I was made for this, and I gladly accepted without hesitation. I was to be almost like their personal bodyguard and defend them if they were to ever be in danger. Little did I know that I would fail miserably.

I went almost two years without a major incident as their guard, only really having to deal with minor confrontations and the odd threat that never amounted to anything when other packs and wolves saw me. I scared people, they knew what I was capable of and knew getting into it with me would mean a whole world of hurt. I was a force to be reckoned with, and people knew it.

Just after I turned 20, the Alpha and Luna wanted to go out for a run. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, we would all shift and run out near the pack lands. I usually ran with them to let Seles out, but I was also watching for any trouble that might come our way. There had been reports of a surge of rogues all over, so I needed to be on alert. The Alpha and Luna told me that I needn’t worry, that they could easily handle themselves if it came to it, so it wouldn’t be all on me.

But we never even made it out for the run.

As soon as we passed the pack boundaries, I felt something was off, and sure enough rogues came out of the tree line faster than I could react. We were completely ambushed, and the number of rogues were overwhelming for just the three of us. The hardest and probably most odd part about that day was that none of us were able to shift. At all.

I could hear Seles in my mind, roaring at me to let her out, but I couldn’t. Because of that, we were all overwhelmed easily. Rogues surrounded us, and gravely injured the Alpha first, before immobilizing me and attacking the Luna.

I still remember her scream as one of them ripped her throat out.

I shiver and turn the water in the shower as hot as I can bear, searing my skin slightly as I feel tears prick my eyes. I clasp my arms around myself, still haunted by the state of their bodies after the rogues had stopped attacking. They left me alive, but barely. I had gashes and claw marks all over me, plus a large chunk of my leg was torn away and a badly broken arm. I was healing slowly, as werewolves do, but it wasn’t enough. We were found about an hour later, with me hysterical and trying to claw my way over to the Luna.

I was taken to the infirmary to heal, and I reported what had happened to the Beta, and Cole, who was devastated and demanded answers from me. I told him I was sorry, that we couldn’t shift, but he didn’t believe me at all.

It took a few weeks for me to heal completely, and as soon as I was able I went to where they has buried the Alpha and Luna. I was there for only a few short moments before being dragged off to Cole, now Alpha, and his Beta where I was questioned again, and finally accused with failing my job. As punishment, my wrists were to be bound with silver cuffs, my title and everything revoked.

Now I’m merely a member of the pack, shunned because I allowed the Alpha and Luna to die.

Can I even be considered a werewolf anymore if I can’t feel her?