Chapter Two: Monday

Stephen drove to the front of the church and nearly drove by before noticing the front door was left ajar. He parked, walked into the empty foyer and noticed a door open in the alcove to the left that said “The Fellowship Room” on it.

In and out. A quick chat and I’m out of there.

He opened the door wider and saw Laura, standing by a coffee table, who turned to face him with a tight smile. They stared at each other for a long moment.

“Laura?”

“Stephen. I was hoping you would make it.”

“Am I in the right room?”

“Oh yes, the Fellowship Room. This is the place.”

Laura did not greet him as she would have any other guest, with a warm Christian hug, but instead busied herself arranging and rearranging items on the table. She talked quickly in a nervous chatter, without taking a breath and only stopped when she ran out of air.

“Yes, hello, please sit down; make yourself comfortable, my husband sends his sincerest apologies. He was called away to minister to a sick member of our parish in the hospital who took a turn for the worse apparently, and since we had no way of contacting you, he sent me in his place in case you or any other new member might drop by, since the Monday meeting for new members is advertised on our newsletter and website. I know I am a poor substitute for Reverend Roger and I know you were expecting to meet with him, and I could get his secretary to call you to reschedule a meeting, but I’m afraid it could not be until next week at the earliest. He’s leaving on a five city book tour tomorrow to promote his new book, “Lessons in Life”. Five cities in five days, he always says when he goes off on these book tours. Five cities in five days. He won’t be back until Saturday evening…”

“How exciting,” Stephen said, smiling, as Laura caught her breath.

“Have you read any of his other books?” “Lessons in Love” or “Lessons in Marriage?” Laura asked.

“Catchy titles, but no, I haven’t.”

“My husband is very proud of them. “Lessons in Love”, his first book, was a bestseller among Christian publications. His second book “Lessons in Marriage” is said to have helped many young married couples through some rough patches… Are you married, Stephen?”

Why did I ask him that? It’s none of my business.

“No… I had a girlfriend a few years ago, but never married… Anyway, he seems like a really great guy, Laura.”

“Yes.”

“Do you have any kids?”

“No not yet. But, maybe one day soon. My husband is always saying how he wants to “put a bun in the oven”.

Oh God, why did I tell him that? Too much information.

Laura sat stiffly in a folding chair during the awkward pause in the conversation, with crossed legs and a forced smile.

“Well, Laura, to answer your question, I don’t need to reschedule the appointment. I’m happy to talk to you. In fact, it’s a very pleasant surprise for me. And you are not a poor substitute.”

Stephen stared at Laura and smiled. Trying to escape from his gaze, she turned her back to him and faced the coffee table.

“Would you like a little sweetie, Stephen?” she asked.

Stephen stared at her faded blue jeans that hugged her trim figure, his eyes lingering on the sensual curves of her cheeks.

Yes, Laura, I would like to have a little sweetie.

Images of forcibly taking her from behind on top of the coffee table played out in his mind. Pulling her jeans down her legs, ripping her panties off, coffee cups flying off the table, shattering on the floor, pastries grinding into their skin, grabbing her hair roughly with one hand while pinning her body down by the neck with the other and thrusting and thrusting himself into her over and over and over until… Stephen took a deep breath and adjusted the growing bulge in his pants while her back was turned.

Down boy, be good, we’re in church, for god’s sake.

“Oh, no thank you, Laura.”

Laura turned to face him.

“How about one of these mini-hotdog appetizer thingies?”

“No thanks, Laura, I’m a vegetarian.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“That’s OK.”

“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?

“Oh, no thank you.”

“Are you certain? I mean, it would be no trouble, really, I don’t mind”-

“You’re very kind, Laura, but no thank you,” Stephen said.

Stephen and Laura exchanged a long awkward moment.

“Actually I just dropped by for a moment really. It turns out my job is transferring me to another town back east so I will be leaving California soon.”

Laura’s chest visibly dropped. She seemed to be truly disappointed.

“Oh… that’s too bad. When are you leaving?”

“Well, they said it might be in just a few short weeks from now.”

“Oh... But, I was going to introduce you to all the people here.”

“Yes, well, duty calls I guess. Thank you for the nice chat Laura. I really should be going.”

Stephen turned toward the door.

“Can you stay awhile to talk, if you’re not too busy? It’s just that I’m stuck here until 8PM and it’s only 7:20 and it doesn’t look as if anyone else is going to show. Will you stay and keep me company?” Laura asked impulsively.

“Will I get points in heaven for doing that?”

“Yes, you will.”

“Then I guess I better stay...”

They stared at each other for a prolonged time, as if words were unnecessary between them. Then Laura abruptly broke the stare.

“I know what we can do to pass the time. Why don’t you tell me how you ended up becoming a Christian?”

“Oh, I’m not sure we should go there, Laura.”

“What do you mean? Why not?”

“It’s just that my story is, how shall I put it, uh… rather sexual.”

“Oh. You needn’t feel ashamed to tell me. I’d never judge you.”

“I certainly don’t want to offend you.”

“I’m sure I won’t be offended.”

“You know, Laura, let’s be honest. Do you want to be honest with me?”

“I thought we were being honest.”

“It’s just that if I open up to you now and tell you this story, it may open a door for you, and there is the risk that in going through it, the door may close behind you and you may not be able to find your way back home…”

“Well, wow… I’m not quite sure I know what you mean, but, as I said, you needn’t worry Stephen. No matter what happened, I would never judge you. I know I might look like a prude, but please believe me, deep down, I want you to know, I’m not that kind of person…”

Stephen took a deep breath in and exhaled.

“OK, Laura, I’ll tell you the story I’ve never told anyone before. I’ll tell you exactly how I happened to become a Christian and I won’t leave out a single detail. Actually, it will be good to finally tell someone. I’ve tried to sort this out over the years, with no success.”

“I know we’ve just met, but… you can trust me, Stephen.”

“I know I can. I feel like I can trust you, even though we just met. So, in ninth grade, when I was around thirteen years old, I was cast in the junior high school musical, “Oliver”!

Laura’s eyes widened and she sat up excitedly on the edge of her chair, smiling.

“I love that show! I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you interested in the theater?”

“Oh yes. Very much so.”

“Me too. I’m a Drama Major from Cal State.”

“B.F.A. in Drama from St. Mary’s.”

“This is just amazing. You’re a drama major! I had a feeling we had a lot in common.”

“I did too, Laura.”

“I’m sorry, Stephen. Go on. I promise I won’t interrupt again…”

“Well, a very pretty Latin-American girl, Elizabeth, the older sister of a classmate, came to see me in the musical. She was two or three years older than me, she seemed to like me. We started calling each up on the phone, flirting as kids that age will do. One evening I told her I was stronger than her and she said she was stronger than me and I told her how I could beat her in a wrestling match so she challenged me to do it. Since her parents were away for the evening, she invited me to come over that night. I took her up on the challenge, went to her house and we went down into her basement and began wrestling. Though I think she may have been stronger than me, she let me win after rolling around on the floor and I ended up on top of her, pinning her arms to the floor. I remember it was hot in her basement, I was sweating. I didn’t know what to do, I just stared at her, and that’s when she kissed me, my first kiss. I wrote about it in my journal.”

“You keep a journal?” Laura interrupted, captivated by his story.

“Yes, for years.”

“So do I…”

“Do you tell it all your deep dark secrets, Laura?” Stephen asked, smiling.

I will now.

“Mostly just girlish gossip. I don’t have any deep dark secrets, I’m afraid."

“Do you ever go back over entries you wrote in the past?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well, I’ve always wished I could reread what I wrote that night, but I can’t since I burned that page out of the journal, singeing the hairs off two of my fingers the very next day, in a fit of religious fervor and shame…”

“You burned that page out of your journal?”

“As if it never happened…”

“Go on, Stephen.”

“So, after she kissed me, I felt embarrassed. I had these strange feelings I didn’t understand and never had before. I felt ashamed and ran up the basement steps and out the front door. My school classmate, her brother, Alex, heard me run out the front door. He ran after me and asked what was wrong with me. I told him what happened with his sister and how sorry I was and how guilty I felt about it. Then out of his back pocket Alex handed me a little booklet called, “The 3 Deadly Sins, The 3 Paths of Righteousness”. Born-Again Christianity had been sweeping through our junior high school; Alex had become a born-again Christian, and said that if I read the tract Jesus Christ would forgive me of my sins. As I walked home I read the little booklet. I was thirteen, I liked comic books, and this tract had a colorful drawing of a multitude of sinners in agony falling into a sea of flames who did not accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. The next page showed how those believers who chose to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior had risen toward the heavens with arms outstretched, receiving the gift of everlasting life. So the scare tactics worked on me and I converted to Born-Again Christianity that night. I kneeled right down on the sidewalk and did the three things I was instructed to do in the tract. One: I admitted out loud that I was a sinner. Two: I admitted out loud that I believed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and Three: I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I took only a moment and now, the tract said, Jesus had forgiven me of my sins and I was given the gift of Everlasting Life. Born-Again Christianity became a convenient place for me to hide from the shame of having those feelings, which I know now were sexual. And to this day, to this very moment in time with you in the Fellowship Room of Our Savior Presbyterian Church, every desire to lead a spiritual life is powerfully tied to these overwhelming sexual desires I can’t seem to control. I cannot have one feeling without the other, unless I turn both off and feel a kind of numbness, a feeling of being dead inside… I’m sorry. I should never have told you that story.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Laura said, arms crossed on her chest, staring straight ahead.

“There’s nothing to say. Thanks for listening.”

“I don’t hold you in judgment.”

“Oh I know you don’t, Laura. Listen, since you’ve been so gracious with your time and attention, and letting me recount out loud my crazy labyrinthine story, which I know probably made absolutely no sense, I’m going to be honest with you. I can see you’re a good woman, a good person, and you deserve that much from me. I lied to you earlier…”

“Lied? About what?”

“I lied about being transferred from my job. The truth is I’m not coming back next Sunday because I am leaving the Church and Christian Faith, for good.”

“No, no Stephen. You can’t do that. You mustn’t do that.”

“Listen, I’ve got to go. Thanks for the talk.”

Stephen stood up and moved to the door.

“Please don’t go like this, don’t leave.”

“I shouldn’t have come here, I should’ve stayed away. As soon as I saw you, if I truly was a Christian I would have turned around and walked out that door.”

“You’re being so dramatic. I should know, right? I starred in Arthur Miller’s play, “The Crucible”.

“Abigail, right?”

“Yes! How’d you guess?”

“I know the play. You’re perfect for that role.”

“We have so much in common, really. Stephen, I wish you wouldn’t leave the church. We could be friends.”

“Oh, Laura, that’s not a good idea.”

“Are you embarrassed about your story? I’ve heard much worse really, involving drugs, alcohol, crime, and adultery even, leading people to God. Your story was rather sweet, actually.”

“You’re very kind for saying so, but I can see that it upset you and I’m...”

“Listen, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

Laura heard herself talking, but suddenly it seemed there was another person inside her speaking the words, and she couldn’t stop this other Laura from talking. Her voice was even different from Laura’s voice, higher pitched, more feminine, full of hope and life.

Who is she? Who am I?

“I’m… working.”

“Where do you work? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“Uh… it’s a place called the A and E Club? I work security there.”

Stephen’s heart started pumping hard in his chest.

“I’ve never heard of it. Where is it located?”

“It’s around the warehouse district, just outside of town, off the highway, toward LA.”

“When do you get off, Stephen?”

“Around 8, but trust me on this, you don’t want to...”

“Maybe we could meet tomorrow night, talk and pray over this .We certainly don’t want you to drop out of the church. It’s really my responsibility as the wife of...”

“I don’t think it’s a very good idea, Laura.”

“Why not? We’ve had a pleasant time talking, didn’t we?”

“Yes. I did. Sure I did, but...”

“We could get a cup of tea. Anyway, I’ll be bored to tears without my husband around, it’ll give me something to do, if you don’t mind the company.”

“Laura, I appreciate your desire to meet me, I’d really like to talk with you again too, but...”

“It’s settled then. 8PM tomorrow night. The A and E Club, did you say?”

“Yes, but it’s a little hard to find.”

“That’s OK, Is there a website?”

“A and E doesn’t have a presence on the web, so...”

“Really, that’s odd. It’s OK. I think I know where those old warehouses are off the highway.”

Another worshipper popped her head into the room.

“Is it too late...”

“Oh Hi Mrs. Filmore. No there’s still time, come on in.”

Laura looked at Stephen and whispered.

“Tomorrow night then, Stephen.”

“Have a seat, Mrs. Filmore. I’m glad you could make it. My husband couldn’t make it this evening so I’m filling in for him. How are you? Would you like a cup of tea?”

Stephen walked past, saying hello to the new guest and looked back at Laura once more as he made his way out of the church.

Stephen’s Diary Entry: Monday Night

God, if you exist, if you can hear me, I‘ll make one last prayer before my prayers will go silent forever. Protect Laura, don’t allow her to meet me after work tomorrow, don’t allow her anywhere near the club in a sweet but misguided attempt to rescue me, to save what’s left of my soul. It would be dangerous for her to come here…

After his prayer, Stephen opened his eyes and listened for that soft still voice within, hoping he would hear, “Yes, Stephen. I will protect Laura; I will answer your prayers. Worry not. You never gave her the address; she’ll never find the place.”

Stephen listened for that soft still voice within. He shut his eyes when he heard it.

“She is the one. The one you’ve been searching for. Take her. Collar her. Make her mine.”

Laura’s Diary Entries

Dear Diary, I can’t sleep. What is happening to me? I can’t sleep, I have no appetite. My thoughts are scattered this way and that. I am quite sure it has everything to do with meeting Stephen again. Now I wish I hadn’t said yes when Roger asked me to fill in for him tonight. Stephen told me this intensely personal story of how an encounter with a girl when he was thirteen led him to become a Christian. He tried not to tell me. He warned me about the story but his nervousness about telling me made me want to hear it even more. He said his nature was conflicted by these strong sexual urges. He wants to drop out of the church; he appears so tormented by these urges. I wish there was something I could do to help him, but I’m sure I’m not the right person for him to talk to about it.

Why did I arrange to meet him tomorrow night after he gets off work? He told me it wasn’t a good idea, but I persisted anyway. Was I flirting with him? I think I was, God forgive me. The truth is, I don’t know what I believe in anymore. I tried to pray about it tonight, but when I closed my eyes all I could see was Stephen. Even though I know how wrong it is, I can’t help it, I am drawn to this man. I want to see him again, just one more time. But I know how dangerous it is for me to keep seeing him. I’ve decided that after I meet him tomorrow night at this strange place where he works, which by the way, dear diary, for some reason I cannot find the exact actual location of. (I’ll go early and snoop around until I find it I guess) I will forget about him and return to my boring, predictable, but safe life.

Dear Diary, I just woke from a strange dream. I was in a dark cold place, lying on a hard surface. My wrists and ankles were shackled by something metallic, cutting into my skin. I was naked and blindfolded and I couldn’t move. I tried to scream, but my mouth was gagged by a scarf. Suddenly I heard a door opening and a voice.

“Are you alright, Elizabeth?”

I nodded yes. Suddenly I felt the person unlock the chains that bound me. He picked me up and carried me away into a warm place, laying me down on a comfortable bed. I stretched my arms and legs out again and allowed my rescuer to tie my wrists firmly but not painfully to the posts of the bed. I remember distinctly in the dream of how aroused it made me to give myself to him like this. In fact, I remember wishing he had tied me to the bed tighter. I felt his hands cup my breasts and the tips of his thumbs sweep over my nipples. He took my gag out.

“You’re safe now Elizabeth.”

He removed my blindfold, but I already knew who it was.

Stephen was right. I walked through the door and I can’t find my way back home…