Chapter 5

Clara.

The maids scrubbed my skin so hard, I could still feel it even after the bath was done.

I sat in front of the mirror as they began applying essential oils to my skin and dressed me up, in the white one, as I ordered.

After we were done, I dismissed them all, put on my robe, and left my room as I made a beeline for the one directly across. My heart pounded heavily in my chest as I made my way to his room, different thoughts swirled around in my head.

*What if he doesn’t want you?

*You ruined your chance with him, and now you think attempting to warm his bed will change that? Pathetic.

I shook my head in an attempt to get them off my mind as I focused on the task around me. Maria was right, I did not have to try to be someone I was not. I did not need to feel so tensed about this, I should just be myself and let everything else play out, however, it was not my duty to change what happened in the past, but I could change the future, our future.

I got the door and immediately the guards made way for me and knocked, before opening the door cautiously and walking in.

Immediately I was in, his scent of citrus, clove, and pure masculinity hit me before I could even see him. I took it all in, as I made my way deeper into the room, refusing to let my nerves win this round.

“Cassandra?” His deep voice came, stopping me in my tracks as I turned around and came face to face with a bare-chested Roberto. It looked like he was just coming out of the shower, a towel tied to his waist, his hair still damp and his chest bare.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when I did not say anything. Still, I was tongue-tied, he said nothing walked past me, and headed towards his wardrobe. Unlike me, he was not bathed or dressed by any maids.

“I came to see you,” I said softly after I finally found my voice.

“To see me? Why?” He asked, his usual softness and politeness were gone, replaced with calm and polite responses. I hated it.

I took a step forward towards him, causing him to go back out of pure instinct.

“Can I not come see my husband anymore?” I answered his question with one of my own. The irritation I had tried to hide began to surface. I was more than hurt that he was treating me with such detachment even though I knew it was my fault. Could he not at least see I was trying? It almost felt as if he were punishing me now. I understood I wronged him yet?

“I never said that Cassandra, I only asked what you were doing here. If seeing me is what you wish, then you have seen me.” He said as he began making his way to his study. What? Was he just going to leave me here?

Before I could stop myself, I plunged forward and grabbed his hand, making him stop in his steps and turn to face me. Once I had his attention, I kept my eyes locked on his and slid my robe off, my transparent nightwear coming into view.

His eyes followed my robe and once he saw me, his eyes widened, and he continued to scan the length of me, his eyes roaming around and stopping on my bosoms for a while before they continued. For the first time, I saw a semblance of desire in his eyes before he swallowed it down and faced me once again.

His cheeks were still a bit red, but it was clear he had put all he was feeling in a small container and thrown it to another continent from what he said to me.

“What is this game you are trying to play with, Cassandra?” He asked, his voice filled with anger and irritation, making me flinch a little bit.

“Look, I know I hurt you, Roberto. I know I have been treating you horribly since we got married, and I regret it. I can’t explain myself, nothing would justify that behavior, but I am trying here. Not only that, but I am trying to be better and to improve our marriage. Furthermore, I know we started on the wrong foot, but please….” I said, my eyes starting to water as he stared at me.

This was embarrassing, maybe I should have listened to those voices that had been whispering in my ear not to do what Maria had advised. Why did I think he would excuse my behavior just because of this?

I was contemplating apologizing and making a run for it before I heard him sigh, close the door, and walk back into the room, before taking a seat on the bed, burying his face in his hands as if he were deep in thought.

I stood there as I watched him, it seemed as if he were battling with himself, and his emotions and had concluded.

He looked up at me, his eyes as intense as I had ever seen it.

“I forgive you, Cassandra.” He said with a small smile.

Christ, that voice.

I nodded as I walked towards where he sat and took a seat quite close to him before I stared into his eyes and said, “Thank you, for forgiving me.” It was not supposed to be so intense, but at this moment it felt like I had said the hottest thing ever when I hadn’t.

I held his eye contact, mine as intense as his, while we slowly edged closer to each other. His scent clouded my senses as my eyes fell to his lips, want overpowering me. Just one more, if he moved just one more then our lips would meet, but before that could happen he backed away and stood up abruptly.

His hands were in his hair as he pulled on it as if he was about to lose it.

“Is something wrong?” I asked carefully, choosing to ignore the feeling of rejection surging through me ever so strongly.

“We can’t do this.” He said as he turned to face me, pure want in his eyes, but there was also something else. War. He was at war with himself, not to want me.

I stood up and neared him also, even though he kept moving back.

”And what is the reason?” I asked, shocked at the words that left my mouth, but it was too late. I had no idea where this confidence had come from, but I was not in any way complaining about it.

He also seemed shocked because he stared at me, his mouth forming an “O” before he continued, “We can’t do it now, at least not like this Cassandra. I am not in the best state of mind.” He said, this time more calmly. As if he were trying to convince me and himself that it was a wrong idea.

I was not having it, however.

“It’s alright Roberto, I want it now though,” I said, for some reason, I felt like he needed this. His energy was off, and his Aura felt deemed, it was as if he had been through the hardest days of his life and I needed to help him one way or another.

I heard this helped relieve stress, so I needed to help him, I also wanted to do it with him too. Maria’s words about confidence hit me and I stood my ground, I would make sure to have my way today.

“Why are you so Adamant today, Cassandra?” He said with a sigh as he finally stopped pacing and stared at me, his eyes taking me in as he trailed his gaze all over my body once more, I looked down, and I remembered I was still wearing this nightwear.

“I want to help you, let me help you,” I said quietly as I began reaching for him, this time he did not back away when I came close. He did not remove my hands when I cupped his face lovingly, and he did not fight himself anymore.

Instead, his hands skimmed the curve of my waist as he lowered his head and kissed me passionately.

I moaned into his mouth as we continued kissing. Roberto may not look or act it, but he was such a passionate kisser, even though we had kissed just twice, I could tell. He made loud sucking sounds as he lowered his head and trailed kisses along my neck and Jawline.

I placed my hand on his chest pushing him back a little before I walked over to the bed and removed my nightwear, my eyes locked on his, and he made a primal sound as he joined me on the bed.

This was the time I had been waiting for, and it made me feel almost like my chest would burst with happiness.