8 - The Part Where Perrie Just Couldn't Hope Anymore

Perrie just had the most horrible break down she had ever experienced since seventh grade when she was bullied by her old schoolmates for being gay. But Perrie just had the thought that this break down was even worse than the other.

       Perrie was so stupid, so stupid to even think that she'll have a slight chance of being with Jade when in fact Jade just wanted nothing but mere friendship from her. Perrie grunted, rubbing her temples to at least prevent a panic attack.

       "Why are you so stupid, Perrie?" Perrie asks the blonde in the mirror who was staring right back at her. "What made you even think that Jade would like you back, huh? Just because you hang out with her doesn't mean she'll reciprocate your feelings. Fuck my life!"

       Perrie wasn't feeling any good now, all thanks to that queen bee who did nothing but give the poor blonde false hope.

       She didn't even ask for this.

       She didn't even ask for these stupid feelings; it just fucking had to appear so Perrie could humiliate herself in front of her popular crush.

       Fuck! Perrie was becoming like a mad woman, rubbing her face roughly with her palms as if it could really do anything good to her or to her now fucked up life. Her eyes were now bloodshot red from the ten minutes of her tears falling with pressure just so she wouldn't feel like crying later on. But wow does it make a difference to her now.

       "Perrie?"

Perrie regrets looking at the person as soon as she saw Jade's figure beside the door with a concerned look that somehow made Perrie want to give in but couldn't. Perrie makes a mental note to not go to the bathroom each time she tries to run away from the brunette considering Jade already knows where she usually goes if she's starting to break down.

Perrie shakes her head violently and frowned even deeper. "Not right now, Jade. Please, not right now...not when I'm like this. Just please leave me alone so I could let everything out."

"I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you about the hickey. But come on, it's no big deal..." Jade whispers quietly, almost inaudible but Perrie could still hear it.

No big deal? So seeing the love of your life suddenly having a make-out session that involves hickies...that's not a big deal, Jade? How would you feel if you see someone you love latching her lips on another person?

Once again, Perrie shakes her head as she turns her body around. And Jade could actually feel her by the way Perrie's sorrow was showing. "Just...don't, Jade. It's probably my fault. I shouldn't even be intruding your love-life in the first place so it's technically my fault. I just...ugh, forget it, Jade. What's the point of hoping when it really couldn't happen at all, right?"

"Perrie—"

"Can you...leave me alone for now? I just need space for now, if that's alright."

       "I'm really sorry," Jade apologizes with a voice so sincere. She hesitantly stepped forward, her body now inches away from the blonde's as she reaches for Perrie's cheek, cupping it gently.

       Perrie let out a laugh, seeing no point in changing the girl's mind about her anymore. Perrie let out another laugh, once again, knowing she has now woken up in realization that sometimes hard work doesn't give you shit. And what she's experiencing right now is a living proof of that statement.

       "Stop apologizing for who you are," Perrie sighs. "Stop apologizing, Jade. It's honestly not your fault at all. If anything it should be me whose at fault here since the start, because if I knew that you liked someone else already then I would've been here crying my eyeballs out."

       "But, Perrie, I should be the one at fault here, too," Jade tells her. "I should've given you the space you needed so you could move on from this infatuation. I'm sorry I didn't reciprocate what you're feeling right now because I'm in love with someone else. I'm sorry for practically forcing you to be my friend when in fact you wanted more."

       Perrie took in a sharp breath and exhaled very slowly. Her sobs were now weakening and she was starting to breathe properly. Jade, on the other hand, had never felt so culpable until now when she finally realized how selfish she had become.

       "Perrie..." Jade frantically let go of Perrie's cheek as she placed her hand back on her side, still holding her apologetic gaze at the blonde. Jade tried to speak up until the sound like a creak of the door was heard, indicating that someone just went inside the bathroom.

       "Perrie?" Perrie and Jade snapped their head at Jesy, whose facial expression was now mixed with confusion and worry once she saw these two.

       Jesy furrowed her eyebrows. "Perrie, what happened to you? Come here." Jesy beckoned Perrie to come to her and the girl obliged as she quickly walks towards her best friend whose arms were now open and ready to engulf Perrie with a super hug.

Jade didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she should join the two girls hugging or just stay behind. She didn't know if she should leave them both alone. Jade couldn't help but feel guilty for Perrie because of how she acted like nothing happened. But she couldn't take it all back.

"Jade?" Jade raised her eyebrows as she looks at Jesy expectantly. Jesy heaved a sigh whilst soothing the blonde waves of Perrie. "I want you to leave us alone...is that okay?"

Jade wasn't even surprised when she heard this. She knew any minute she would have to leave for the two best friends to talk things out, but somehow Jade just didn't want to leave Perrie, who was still crying all because of her. But Jade didn't bother to argue about it as she meekly nods her head and says a lame "okay" before dragging her feet towards the bathroom door.

       "What's wrong?" Jesy asks as soon as the door closes.

       "My feelings," Perrie bluntly replies. "Jesy, I'm so hurt right now and I don't know what to do."

       "It'll be okay, I promise you that. In fact, didn't I tell you that I'm setting you up with one of my friends?"

       "I don't know. All I know is that I feel like shit."

       Jesy frowned. "I guess you know what this means already, Pez. It's probably time for you to move on."

And without Perrie's consent, the tears that welled up in her eyes suddenly came, falling down like an endless waterfall. And all Jesy could offer to her best friend was her usual Jesy Nelson hug.

"It hurts, Jesy." The crack in Perrie's voice says it all and Jesy wished she could do something about it.

"It's gonna be okay, babe. It will be okay," Jesy coos, embracing the blonde tightly and just let Perrie's tears drop on her shirt.

~•~•~

       "Jade, are you even listening?" Leigh placed her hands on both of Jade's shoulders, shaking them as she tries to call out the brunette who seemed to be staring at her notebook for approximately two minutes now.

       "I'm listening, Leigh, don't worry," Jade lied. Jade wasn't even listening to her best friend at all. Leigh's words probably went through her ear then went out from the other but Jade didn't care at least a little bit. She was too busy thinking about Perrie and what she might be doing all the time.

       "Really, Jade? Well then tell me, what did I say?" Leigh folded her arms to her chest, squinting her eyes as they stare at Jade.

       Wrong move, Thirlwall. Jade's regret was becoming evident once she gulps loudly. "Uhm...is there a party?"

       "Dear god, why are you my best friend?"

       "Look, can we just talk about this next time? I'm really not in the mood to talk about this stuffs," Jade sighs as she runs a hand through her waves and rested them on her shoulder. Jade just wanted to talk to Perrie, that's all. And Jade swore that right after this current conversation is over, Jade would immediately look for the blonde again, and probably apologize one last time.

       Leigh rolled her eyes. "You don't even know what we're talking about."

Jade shrugged. "Exactly."

"Alright, what's this about?"

Jade feigned innocence. "What?"

"This..." Leigh gestures to Jade's body, with Jade's back slouching and giving the afro girl a negative vibe considering Jade never slouches her back unless she isn't feeling any good. "You're not...yourself. What happened?"

       Leigh has this intimidating look in her facial expression that made Jade feel slightly frightened by her, and Jade just had to give in before the persistent side of Leigh creeps up. Jade took a deep breath, not knowing why she was suddenly on edge when she thought about her and finally met Leigh's gaze.

       "There's this girl..."