Chapter Ten

“Secret?” Raul managed to choke out, stiffening in horror-tinged shock. Suddenly it was imperative that he move. He went to push off her, but Angel raised her legs and caught him in a vise about the hips.

“Yes, secret,” she confirmed.

With no choice but to tough it out, he stated as calmly as he could, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, we’re talking about you. About why you left me.”

“And I want to talk about why you disappear once a month—”

“You know I travel a lot with my job. You said it didn’t bother you,” he interjected.

“And the reason you hold back when we make love…”

“I’m a big man. You’re tiny compared to me. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, happy to provide a reasonable explanation. It was the truth, but not the whole truth.

“…and why your irises glow gold, and your facial features change when you’re in the grip of strong emotions,” she demanded.

Raul felt his heart stop. “That…that’s just crazy. You’re imagining things.” She couldn’t have noticed. He’d been so careful.

“Tell me!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted, heart pounding in his chest so hard he thought he’d pass out.

His fear roused his beast, which only moments before had settled into a sated stupor. Not now. Please, God, don’t let it come out now.

“You’re lying,” she said flatly, tightening her thighs when he tried once more to get away, retreat to safety.

Panic lived inside him now. Don’t tell her! his inner child demanded. You know what happens when you tell!

Raul could see his mother’s face and his father’s despair when she’d left. Hear his father’s repeated warnings, “Never tell a human what you are.” The past superimposed over the present.

Tell her, his wolf demanded. It’s not natural to hide from a mate.

Raul agreed having this secret between them was wrong but couldn’t unlock his throat to speak the truth.

“Raul, please. We can’t continue with this thing between us,” she pleaded, sounding almost desperate.

Her gaze locked on his. The hurt in her voice and the tinge of moisture in her eyes added unbearable pressure. Raul opened his mouth to tell her what she needed to know, but no sound emerged.

Nooooooo! his inner child screamed. You can’t tell her! She’ll leave, and then we’ll die!

Tell her, his wolf demanded. Tell mate what we are!

His breath escaped in pants. Oh God! He gasped, trying to get enough air.

“Raul?” Concern replaced the hurt in Angel’s tone. “Are you all right?”

Tell her!

No!

Tell her! his wolf roared.

NOOOOO! Mustn’t tell! the child screamed.

“Can’t…breathe!” His lips moved, but no sound emerged.

“Raul, your lips are turning blue. Breathe, baby!” Angel released her hold on him.

As the internal war continued to rage, Raul’s stomach churned and his chest hurt. His vision began to narrow, growing dark around the edges. He crawled off Angel and knelt on all fours with his head hanging down, gulping for air.

Raul couldn’t believe he was freaking out like a little kid. He was a grown man, a badass—an alpha, for crying out loud. Embarrassment collided with panic until the only thought in his mind was escape.

“Raul, baby, you have to breathe. If you don’t, you’ll pass out.” Angel hovered beside him, laid a hand on his back, and stroked soothingly.

She said more in soft tones meant to calm him. Unfortunately Raul couldn’t hear her through the roaring in his ears. He had to get out of here. He wheezed audibly now. He shook his head sharply, forcing himself to get a grip, and a portion of his hearing returned.

“Oh God, you’re hyperventilating,” she said in dawning realization. “Let me run to the kitchen and grab a bag. Breathing into one is supposed to help.”

As soon as Angel disappeared down the stairs, Raul shoved weakly to his feet, staggered dizzily against the wall, and pulled up his pants. Mustering all his strength, he managed to make it down the stairs and to the door.

“Raul?”

He glanced over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. “I’m sorry,” he managed to choke out, softly closing the door behind him.

Once away from Angel’s too-observant eyes, Raul tapped into the strength of his wolf. His breathing instantly evened out. The rest of the damn panic attack took longer to fade. With hands that visibly trembled, Raul managed to enter his vehicle and shove the keys in the ignition. As the motor purred to life, he speed dialed Mercer.

“Yo!” Mercer answered.

“I need you or one of the guys on babysitting detail,” he said, forcing himself to sound calm and in control.

“Boss, you all right? You don’t sound so good.”