[4]

Every time I stepped into the office; I could always smell the damask rose aroma from a well-known brand's scent diffuser. It's because Krystal loves roses so much. I didn't mind it because it was refreshing and made the whole room smell nice. That's why I also stocked up on many room fresheners for my apartment.

The scent I chose was more of spices and woods. It made me feel like I was in a pine forest—peaceful and serene.

But this time, despite feeling perfectly fine in the morning—no weird sensations or sudden nausea—right when I opened the office door after lunch, I felt queasy. I rushed to the toilet and ended up vomiting everything I had for lunch. No leftovers. It seemed like the remnants of breakfast had successfully occupied the toilet too.

I gasped for breath, feeling like a fish, panting heavily from what I had just expelled without pause or apology. I had no idea how long I had been in the bathroom. Fortunately, no other employees entered. At least no one asked me what was going on.

I rummaged for my phone in the blazer pocket and made a short call to Naomi, the only person who came to mind to help me.

"Hello?"

I sighed with relief. That was Naomi's voice. When I opened the bathroom stall, she immediately came in to check on me. She supported me to stand near the sink and wiped the corner of my lips, maybe where there were traces of water or something.

"How did this happen, Anya?"

I shook my head, my eyes teary. It made me weak and pathetic.

"Aren't you eating anything else?"

"You know what I ate, Naomi," I said softly. She nodded.

"I'll apply some eucalyptus oil. Maybe it'll help."

I just surrendered. After getting her permission, she rubbed the warm liquid around my neck, upper chest, abdomen, and waist. It felt a little better when the scent reached my nose.

"I want some," I asked her to drop a little on the palm of my hand. I rubbed it gently and inhaled it slowly. It worked wonders, making me feel much better.

"Take it with you."

Again, I nodded, trying hard to normalize my upset stomach and sudden nausea. I didn't realize that tears were already streaming down my cheeks.

"Anya?"

"I told you. This is making me a burden, Naomi. I didn't eat anything weird, but it's tormenting me like this. I've never felt so weak before. It's the second time today, Naomi, in one day."

I didn't want to stop crying. I just wanted to cry because I felt... helpless. So pathetic with this condition.

"Be patient, Anya."

"Why should I be patient? There's no point! I'm determined."

"Before you do anything reckless, you have to tell Cedric."

I stared at Naomi sharply. "Why do I have to tell Cedric? What makes you so eager for me to say I'm pregnant with your child, Cedric? Is that it, Naomi?"

Instead of answering, Naomi hugged me tightly. So tight that I felt half choked. She gently patted my back, trying to soothe me, but I still didn't want to stop crying. So, I intentionally wet Naomi's shoulder with my tears and runny nose. I knew she wouldn't be mad.

"I just want you not to regret your decision. Whatever Cedric's response, there's still a solution."

I shook my head softly. "And what if I risk everything?"

Eucalyptus oil became my constant companion as I worked on the remaining tasks. I managed to complete many tasks, even though it was a real struggle. Every now and then, I would inhale the eucalyptus aroma and feel better afterward. Then, when the rose scent started to intrude, I would rub my hands with the eucalyptus oil again.

I now knew that this room freshener was the source of the problem. But I didn't dare ask Krystal to change her favorite aroma. Oh, it seems like I need to start stocking up on plenty of eucalyptus oil in my drawer.

Wait... why? I know I'm so stupid, incredibly foolish even. Doing something I shouldn't have and it bears fruit too. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, maybe my mind wouldn't be so cluttered.

I'm not sure if Cedric can meet my standards as a partner. My standards are not high. I just want a man who will spend the rest of his life responsibly with me. It's not just about money. Maybe we can find money together. Hard work and, well, maybe I should start saving money myself.

But is there any guarantee that one day, Cedric won't leave me? With his child? Just the two of us? I don't want that to happen in my life. Again. I still remember clearly when this very mouth uttered the noble call of 'daddy.' He left me with Berry, my beloved teddy bear, on the terrace. I cried loudly then, but my father still left. He didn't come back.

I didn't cry when my mother left. Who knows with whom at the time. My father said, my mother left with a crazy person. But I still had my father. So, let my mother go with that crazy person. I didn't care. But when my father left, who do I live with then?

Although my father is my love, he heartlessly left me. And with Cedric? Is there a guarantee that he will stay by my side? Not necessarily. And I don't want to take that risk. Especially since our relationship lacks any romance.

"Ms. Anya."

I looked up, feeling my cheeks wet. I quickly wiped them away because Cedric was in front of me. Tck! What does he want? Why does he always show up whenever I think about this simple man? Does he have some kind of radar?

"Are you working overtime, Ma'am?"

I blinked. I glanced at the clock on my computer's toolbar. I closed my eyes for a moment, and it was already five in the evening.

"I’m not working overtime."

Cedric just nodded briefly. I let Cedric enter Krystal's office. I quickly packed up all my belongings, checked my emails one more time in case there was a last-minute message from the boss. Fortunately, there was none.

I also typed a message saying that I had finished my work for the day and shared all the schedules with her. Not long after, I received a reply notification.

Krystal: Alright, Anya. Thanks for today.

I smiled. Regardless of how much Krystal pressures me about work and her desire for perfection in everything, I always admire her. Including the way she appreciates my efforts at work.

"Ms. Anya."

I stopped in my tracks as I was about to leave the room. I didn't need to look back because I knew who was calling me.

"Did you like the lemon tea this morning? If you—"

"No. I would like regular tea," I said, trying hard not to approach him. I preferred confronting the person who took the liberty to leave me notes that made me feel like he was trying to get my attention. But I held back.

"Oh. Alright, Ma'am."

"And one more thing, I don't like you leaving notes like that." I glanced briefly at him, giving him a sharp look to make him understand what kind of woman he was dealing with.

Without needing to hear his reply, I walked away.

***

The mug I held warmed me up perfectly as I stood on the balcony, feeling a bit chilly. I let the night breeze mess up my hair. Occasionally, I took a sip from the mug, jasmine tea, savoring each sweetness that touched my taste buds. I didn't care if I caught a cold later.

My thoughts drifted to everything that was happening right now, including my conversation with Naomi on the way home from work. She scolded me harshly, even called me stupid. When Naomi used harsh words, it meant she was very angry.

"I might just terminate it. It's not big yet," I said lightly, not looking at Naomi who had been silent since she got into the car. She had asked about my condition earlier, and I had only answered that I was feeling better thanks to the eucalyptus oil.

She said it was possible that I couldn't handle strong fragrances. She also added that hormones of young pregnant women were indeed weird and unpredictable. I knew for sure she was telling me that from an article she had read. Just like Dona.

And I felt like it was right to talk to her about my decision and the future of this new life in my body. I didn't mind bringing Dona into this conversation, but I felt more comfortable talking to Naomi. She was two years older than me. I considered her like my sister here, in Washington DC.

"What did you say?" Naomi asked, glancing at me. I could see from the corner of my eye that her aura immediately turned gloomy. The way she talked had changed too. This made me see her as an older sister. Naomi had an aura of intimidation that made both me and Dona often obey her orders.

"I might just terminate it."

"Are you crazy?"

I remained silent.

"Yeah, don't be absurd. Apart from your foolishness with Cedric, the baby is innocent. If you intend to do that, you're a murderer, Anya. Have you thought about it? The guilt that will haunt your life? Your whole life, Ya. Your entire life!"

I had thought about it. Regardless, I was the one at fault. Because of my stupidity, I got pregnant. There was a living being breathing through my life.

"You talk to Cedric. I'm sure he'll take responsibility. He seems like a good guy."

"I'm not just looking for someone to take responsibility, Naomi."

I heard her sigh of frustration. "What then? Love?"

I shook my head firmly and decisively at Naomi's words just now. "I'm not thinking in that direction. My love is also dead."

Naomi scoffed. "Talk to Cedric. Discuss the way out. At least, so that the baby won't be born without a father, Anya."

"What are you even thinking about, Naomi?" I dared to look in her direction. I no longer cared how emotional I had become lately. I could cry again. "Are you thinking about my life? Everything I've achieved now? What will my life be like in the future?"

"Are you afraid of being poor because of having a child?"

I shook my head again. "I've been poor for a long time, Naomi. I live a comfortable life now because of hard work that knows no time. And I appreciate it all. All of it, without exception." Tears continued to flow. "Then, I have to compromise because of this baby? Is that it?"

Naomi fell silent. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, I could see that.

"And I can't guarantee that Cedric will stay with me forever. With me being like this. I don't know why, but I believe Cedric has a great potential to leave me. I'll end up living alone with my child. I've had enough of being abandoned, Naomi. I've had enough."

"And it's this decision that you're making, Anya? You can live together with your child. Hap—"

"Which happiness are you talking about? Every time my child asks where their father is? Where he works? What he looks like? What do I answer, Naomi? What? I don't want to answer all those questions if Cedric leaves me someday. It's better to go back to the beginning. There won't be a baby, and I'll only know Cedric to a certain extent. Simple, right?"

"You know, Anya, your mind is too overly negative."

I turned my face away, letting Naomi focus on the steering wheel again, although she occasionally tried to engage me in conversation, I refused. I felt my decision was very right. No party will be harmed, right? Neither me nor Cedric. Instead of letting this drag on, I might as well inform Cedric.

Oh, I'm not ready at all to face so many fears that will directly target me. It's possible that rumors will spread that I'll marry Cedric. The office boy. Not to mention the judgment about how unbalanced we are in the company's organizational structure. Let's not forget Krystal, my boss.

No. No. It's an extremely risky choice. I already dipped myself into foolishness once. For this time, I am sure my choice is not wrong.

"I hope you reconsider your intention. I'm serious, Anya. A child cannot choose whose womb they are born from. Right now, you are bestowed with the most prideful thing for a woman. Think about that."

I just nodded, letting Naomi's car leave the lobby of my apartment.