5

5

Gillian waved good-bye to one of her students, watching her pull down the long driveway to the road. She had students ranging in age from six to fifty-four. Most were just learning, but a small group were exceptional. She’d been encouraging the one who’d just left to audition for a spot at Berklee.

They had an excellent program on scoring and composition and the girl had a lot of promise.

Halloween was now less than a month away. Funny how fast the fall had taken hold. Tina had been dead nearly a month and though it was sad, Gillian was grateful Miles wasn’t much bothered by the death of his biological mother.

They hadn’t been close. Tina had simply given Miles to her sister, signed the papers and moved on with her life. She never remembered birthdays and rarely Christmas. Never asked after Miles on the rare occasions she managed to call.

But Gillian had sent her sister pictures anyway. Sent pictures of first smiles and emerging teeth, of steps and first days of school. Had sent handbills and poorly photocopied cast lists of every musical performance and play.

Of her blood family, only Gran had ever cared about Gillian and Miles. And Miles had been inconsolable after her death. For months he’d just burst into tears or would be in a bad mood. Gillian had been similarly bereft. But keeping Miles emotionally healthy had helped her deal with her own grief.

Tina had refused to allow him into her hospital room so he’d stayed with Jules while Gillian was in Portland. No use dragging him down there only to be rejected by Tina.

Throughout his childhood she’d talked to him about Tina. She wanted to be sure Miles knew Tina in some way. But Miles was her son. Period. It did not matter where Miles came from, only that he’d come and that was that. She simply accepted that he needed to understand the dark sides of Tina as well or he’d be vulnerable should she ever try to manipulate Miles.

It burned in her belly even then, thinking about her sister and the way she’d simply wasted her life like she had an unlimited supply. Gillian stood there in the cold on her porch, looking out over the life she’d built for her family. She’d built it and no one would tear it apart.

So Miles had assured her that he felt bad, but almost like it had happened to a stranger. He’d been true to his word, bouncing back quickly to his normal behavior. Hanging out with his friends, going to school, passing his classes, though she had to keep on him about turning his assignments in for his humanities class. The boy had actually done the work but just hadn’t bothered to turn it in. Oy! She’d been right annoyed at the little monkey over that one.

She’d taken away his computer, his phone and his television and he’d suddenly remembered how to turn his work in.

Tina was a stranger to him and the ache of that lived in Gillian’s heart. That her sister had given up this incredible person and had lost out on what had kept Gillian excited to wake up each day.

She had this life. With this house and her son. The vegetable garden they’d put in three years before. The paint on the kitchen walls they’d just chosen on a whim while at the hardware store. The trees all around.

This was home and she’d been blessed something fierce to have it.

She went back inside and headed to her piano, pausing to turn the music back on. Benny Goodman’s

“Sing, Sing, Sing” filled her house and made her smile.

She cleaned up the sheet music, tucking it away for the next lesson. That month she’d taken on two new students, which would pay for the vacation she was planning to go on with Miles to Washington, D.C., in February. They’d swing up to New York after to see one of her old school friends play the Met.

She decided to catch up on some work e-mail before Miles got home from school. Maybe they’d go get milk shakes and see Cal’s game.

Instead she’d opened her door to find Cal standing there. “What? Is everything all right?” She pulled him inside. “Cal?”

“I’ve just had a conversation with and then paperwork verifying that Adrian Brown wants Miles to submit to a DNA test to ascertain if he is indeed the biological father.”

“Fuckitall. I thought I was done with him forever.” Cal laughed then, relaxing. “I’m glad you’re taking this so well. I wasn’t sure how you would after the way you two parted the last time.”

“Oh, I’m right murderous, don’t mistake me. This is what happens when you try to do something good.

But Miles will be home soon and I can’t lose it. I started this stupid fucking thing, now I’m stuck.”

“I’m sorry. But this way it can move forward and you don’t have to deal with any abuse from him. All communication is to go through his legal team. You’re not to contact him in any way.”

“Whot?”

Cal flinched. “Christ, we got to the place where you lose the end of your words really fast.”

“That . . .” She didn’t even have words for what he was. “I gave him my information at the very beginning. Since then I have not been the one to initiate contact. Each time he’s contacted me and then he’s been a dick on his way out.”

She began to pace. “He’s accused me of all manner of crimes and falsehoods, and now through his attorneys he’s coming at me with some edict that I can’t contact him? When he’s doing the contacting?

Making me sound like a stalker or summat. I ought to get an order that he can’t contact me at all, or my minor son. Hmpf, tell me I can’t do something I never done!” She paused and then laughed. “Bet you’re getting right scared I’m going to go all crazy low-class London on your ass and then you’ll have to clean it up and make me all right before Miles gets home.”

She sighed as he goggled at her. “Oh, I know you can’t do any of that. And I know you’d let me get it all out before you started to pet me and tell me I was pretty to get me calmed down again. He’s a cock, but let’s do this on my schedule. I most certainly won’t be contacting him. If he is indeed Miles’s father, we can move on to the next step. I’ll have to tell Miles part of the story. I can’t consent to having his DNA tested without his knowledge.”

“For the record, I knew you’d work your way through it. I just, well, I apologize for missing just how much he hurt you with these accusations. I’m sorry for that. I know it doesn’t help to tell you this happens frequently in these sorts of cases. I know one of his attorneys, went to school together. He’s a good guy. I don’t think they meant it in any aggressive or disrespectful way.” She waved it away. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t avoid it so she may as well control it and make sure it was over as quickly and efficiently as possible.

“Fine.” She paused and patted his arm. “No, I mean it. Let’s just do this. I’ll call the pediatrician’s office now. God, is that something you just make an appointment for with your regular doctor? Can’t say as I’ve done this before.”

“They would like you to use a doctor on a pre-approved list. I’ve got a similar list I use too, so understand that. In fact, one of these doctors here on the list is a woman I’ve worked with on paternity tests before.

She’s professional and has a very good reputation. They’ve offered to pay the cost of the test.”

“No. How much is a test like that?”

“It’s common for the male to pay the cost of the test, Gillian. Something like this will cost about eight hundred dollars.”

Well, now, that was a different story. “Ouch. Fine. Whatever. Just let’s do this so we can be done.”

“It’s just a process. Think of it that way. The father is an affluent and therefore powerful person. His attorneys are paid well to protect him from any false claims. Step by step, we do this right so we can do what is best for Miles. I know you want that, and since this guy is being an ass, you’re going to have to do the bulk of the responsible stuff here.”

Someone had to be the adult, but why the hell did it always have to be her? She growled and crossed her arms over her chest. “What do we need to do then?” Erin looked at the GPS and then at the number on the mailbox. This was it. She turned up the long drive.

A craftsman-style house. Well-used basketball hoop on the garage.

Current value of this place with the sweeping view of the water with trees all around sat at a hell of a lot more than she’d paid for it originally some thirteen years before.

That’s what had really convinced Erin the woman wasn’t bullshitting. She didn’t know if the woman had been lied to about Adrian being the dad of the kid. Whatever the case, Gillian Forrester believed what she’d said to Adrian.

Erin knew when she saw the woman had dug herself into a place and built a life. Knew a woman like this wasn’t the type to be looking to con her brother into a payoff to keep her quiet. A family lived in this house and had for a long time.

There were lawyers involved now. They’d built a moat around Adrian, which Erin approved of. Her brother was a good-hearted man, and she wanted him to be protected.

At the same time, Erin felt like the process was spinning out of control, into acrimony where perhaps none was needed.

So she’d left Alexander with Ben and Todd, who had finally relented to let her go see Gillian after they’d gone over her background check once more. And she’d gotten on the ferry and set about seeing Gillian for herself.

From the other side of the door Erin heard Kings of Leon and smiled despite herself. One of Adrian’s favorite bands. A sign perhaps.

Erin knocked and heard the sound of someone moving toward the front door.

And that was the first time Erin clapped eyes on Gillian Forrester.

Pretty. Dark hair. Bangs that fringed big brown eyes. Her lips drew into a bow, complete with dimple at the far corner of her mouth. Petite, she wore flats and a pair of ridiculously adorable skinny-legged pants with a lovely cream-colored sweater.

Her smile was warm for several moments. “Yes?”

“I’m Erin Brown. Adrian’s sister.”

The easy smile went away, replaced by a calm façade. “Why are you here? You’re not supposed to contact me. Your brother made sure I knew this when he had his lawyers inform me so. In writing. Served by my attorney. It was a lovely memory.”

Erin knew she deserved this anger on one level. Adrian was so nervous and thrown off balance by this he’d pulled away from everyone and had been writing music nonstop. Erin and Brody had agreed to let him until they got the answers they needed. But this woman, if she was telling the truth, had taken a huge risk and had received nothing but grief in return.

“I wanted to see you myself. Wanted to see if perhaps I couldn’t smooth the way a little should the test come back positive. May I come in? He’s not here, is he? I checked the middle school schedule and he’s not due home until after three. That really sounds stalkery of me. I just wanted to be sure . . . well, naturally I’d love to meet him, but I wouldn’t do it without arranging it with you in advance.”

“He’s not here, no. He has math club after school today so I have to run to pick him up later on.” Erin took a step into the house and saw them. Pictures of the boy all over the walls. It was a punch to the gut, just how much he looked like Alexander. And Adrian. A sense of longing to know him and give him the Brown love he’d been missing.

But also the realization that if Erin was in this woman’s place, she’d be freaked the fuck out.

“And I can see the test will come back positive. Christ.” She dug in her bag and pulled out a small photo album. “This is my son, Alexander.”

Gillian leaned forward and her eyes widened a little. “He’s beautiful. Is this recent?”

“This one was just two weeks ago. Miles is clearly my nephew. One only has to look at him to see it. My god. He looks so much like Brody here.” She moved to one where the boy must have been eight or nine, holding a cat, grinning at the camera.

“That’s Fat Lucy, she’s only one of his strays. We have four cats he’s picked up along the way. A turtle.

We had a dog but he passed on two years ago.”

In that face, Erin saw love. So much love she felt a deep affinity for the woman. This was a mother and Erin wanted her to know she wouldn’t threaten that.

“He brings home stray animals?”

Gillian’s smile was back. “Yeah. He’s hopeless and I am weak against it. He’s just got so much love to give.” She focused on Erin, intent. “This is why I went to your brother. How can I keep him all to myself?”

Erin ached for her, at the same time being very grateful the woman loved that child so much she’d risk a great deal by bringing him to his father. Who then yelled in her face multiple times.

“Can I come in? Have a cup of coffee? I want to know you. I want to hear about Miles. Please.”

“Come in. I’ll put on a pot of tea.” Gillian turned and led the way through the sunny house toward the kitchen. Erin got the chance to devour every detail of the place. Pictures on the walls. Most of mom and son, some of others Erin gathered were extended family or friends.

A grand piano dominated the family room. Music played through the in-house speaker system.

The kitchen had a large table in the nook space. “Have a seat, I’ll get the kettle on.” She began to bustle around. “Or I can make coffee if you like.”

“Tea would be lovely, thank you.”

Gillian sat across from Erin, putting a plate with assorted cookies and crackers out. “Biscuits. Erm, cookies.” She laughed.

“We lived in London for two months once. Way back at the beginning. Enough for me to get a craving for real malt vinegar crisps every once in a while.” Erin took a cookie but didn’t eat it. “Tell me about him.” Gillian’s smile was back, warm and a little shy. “Miles just turned thirteen and he’s often on the tussle between acting forty and, sometimes, infuriatingly thirteen. Surly. Sullen. Snappy.” Gillian rolled her eyes, amused affection on her face. “He’s a great kid. Smart, though he can be lazy and I have to be on him to get his homework turned in. Musical. Which isn’t a surprise really. He’s rather sweet. There are three girls who call here all the time and he doesn’t seem to know what to do with all the female attention.”

Gillian poured out as she spoke.

“Works hard, especially on things he loves like music or animals. Rarely gives me a problem except he grows out of his shoes every few months. He started walking late. Liked to snuggle in next to me and found no reason to get up and go anywhere.”

Erin sipped, liking this woman more by the moment. Charmed by the way she spoke about Miles. So totally in love with the boy.

“Gentle. Not very athletic, I’m afraid. He tried for a while and then found computers and games more to his liking. Reading. Writing stories. Music. He’s in a band, you know. With his friends. They’re quite earnest and sometimes they’re even good.”

“Yeah? We started early too. I was seventeen when we started Mud Bay. We played music together for years before that. Brody raised us, you know.”

Gillian shook her head. “No, I didn’t know. I’m aware Adrian believes I am some sort of petty thief out to steal from him in an elaborate game wherein I get his money without actually asking for it. But I don’t know a lot about you and your family.”

Erin cringed, wishing she could explain all the shit Adrian had to shovel and why it made him so suspicious of strangers. “He doesn’t really think that. Brody, well, let me tell you the story and then I’ll fill in the other details.

“My parents died when Brody was seventeen. He’d been pretty much raising us as it was. He’s the one I have all the big childhood memories with. Anyway, our parents died when I was fourteen and Adrian was eleven. We had some distant family who’d agreed to take us. But only one each. Brody gave up his place at art school, stepped in and took over. He’s my big brother, yes, but in a very real sense, he’s my father.

He’s definitely Adrian’s. They have a complicated relationship, but Brody runs a tight ship and Brody has been on your side since day one. Adrian listened to Brody and now we’re here. He’ll be glad he did; Brody is rarely wrong. Which’d be annoying if he wasn’t such an all-around great guy.” Because he understood, perhaps, what it meant to be a parent, no matter how it came to you.

“Anyway, Adrian really doesn’t believe all the stupid stuff he’s said. I think he’s afraid this isn’t real.

Afraid to get his hopes up and then find out Miles isn’t his after all. You really don’t know how glad I’m going to be to tell him how utterly certain I am that is not the case. I hope you’ll give us a chance, even with the rocky beginnings. I know we might look out of the ordinary, but past the funky hair and the tattoos, we’re just like many other families. We love each other and we want to love Miles too.”

“You have a lot of money. And a lot of power. I don’t have either. I’m trying to do what’s right for my child, but it scares me senseless that Adrian has the ability to tie me up in court and try to take my son.” Erin nodded. She reached out and squeezed Gillian’s hand. Just a brief, reassuring touch. “I’d be freaked out too, in your place. I can’t take all that fear away. I hope that’ll happen once Miles and Adrian meet and you get to know us better. But we’re not the bad guys. I can’t say I’m thrilled about your sister not telling anyone for so long. But you can’t own other people’s mistakes. I’ve learned that one, big time.” Gillian found it easy to talk to Erin. It was, well, it was lovely that this woman wanted to know Miles. Her reassurances did indeed help too.

She began to loosen up for the first time since she’d opened the door. She talked about Miles. Told stories about his life as Erin began to unfurl her own, and through that, Adrian’s too.

It was simply impossible not to like Erin Brown.

“Miles is going to like you.”

Erin tucked a fire-engine-red strand of hair back behind her ear and grinned. “Yeah? I gotta say I’m very much looking forward to meeting Miles. He sounds a lot like Brody. Serious. Likes to take care of people.

My brother is going to be heartbroken to know he’s missed thirteen years of this child’s life. Angry.

Jealous. Afraid. I just . . .” Erin licked her lips. “I would just very much like you to give Adrian a break.

When he finds out for sure, it’s going to hit him hard. I know he’s been a pain in the ass so far and that you have been beyond good to him. But I’m going to ask you to give him a little bit more leeway.” Erin shook her head, tears in her eyes. “How could she not tell you? My brother is a good man. He would have been there for Miles.”

Gillian sighed. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve asked so many times. She’s always refused. I don’t know why she finally revealed who Miles’s dad was. She just did. And then a friend showed me Adrian’s picture, you know, from his website. My friend, I’d just told her about Adrian and she showed me Adrian’s picture and held it near Miles’s picture. It was obvious, and then I saw your older brother, Brody, and I knew for sure. They have similar smiles, my son and Brody.

“I knew it was true then. I couldn’t deny it any further. Not that your brother made it any easier. Prat.”

“I’m sorry he’s been such a dingus. In his defense, it’s hard to be where he is. It’s hard because so many people have ulterior motives. It’s difficult to trust outside our group. Fame like he has changes how you see everything. He’ll do right by Miles. I know it. He’ll be a good father too.”

“He’s the best I’ve got, you see. Miles. He came along just when I had no idea I needed him. I had other plans, as you do when you’re twenty-one. None of the items on my to-do list included two a.m. feedings or moving out here. But then he was there and the nurse handed him to me and everything else on the entire planet simply didn’t matter. I will do anything to protect my son. Anything. I’m not doing this to help Adrian. I don’t even like Adrian. I’m doing this because if Miles is partly yours too, he can only benefit by having more people to belong to. But if any of you hurt him, you’ll never know what hit you.”

“I respect that. We have lots of love in our family. Plenty for Miles.”

“You can’t have him. Just understand that. He’s mine. I won’t accept anyone who feels as if my son is a place to visit every once in a while, or a prize to be won. He deserves stability.”

“I totally agree with you. I feel like I’m Adrian’s ambassador.” Erin laughed and then laughed some more.

“You have no idea, but this is totally novel to me. It’s usually Adrian who is my ambassador, or Brody.

Adrian is the sweet one. The calm one. He doesn’t say mean things and he sure as hell doesn’t say them to women.” She sobered. “He’s torn apart. I love my brother very much. He’s my best friend. I just wanted to thank you for opening your life up this way so that he can have his son.” Gillian hadn’t been close with Tina. Couldn’t have trusted her the way Erin so clearly did her brothers.

But Erin spoke to her mother-to-mother, and that made a difference. Made some of the fear ebb enough so she could take a deep breath for the first time in a week.

Her phone rang. “Excuse me a moment, it’s Miles.” She answered. “I’ll be leaving in about five minutes.

Did you get out early?”

“Ryan’s gonna give me a ride home, if that’s okay? We’re getting ready to leave and he saw us. He’s going to drop Kaylee off first, but she’s just on the way to our place.” Ryan, Mary’s brother who taught at the middle school, had been part of Miles’s life for as long as his sister had.

“Yes, that’s okay. Hang on a moment.” She looked to Erin. “Would you like to meet him? Miles? He’ll be home in about ten minutes.”

Erin’s eyes widened and then she nodded.

“Come straight home, all right?”

She hung up.

“I . . . I really appreciate this. What do you plan to tell him? Does he know about Adrian?”

“The DNA test was yesterday so I had to sit him down and explain it all. Not the identity of his dad. I didn’t want to do that until we had proof and I’d spoken with Adrian in depth about how their meeting would go. Or I suppose after Cal—that’s my attorney—speaks to Adrian’s attorneys. Whatever. I just don’t want to upset Miles’s schedule or his life. Thirteen is a hard age.”

“All right. So I can be a family friend for now. Then I can be his aunt. And don’t fret too much about the lawyer thing. It won’t be that way forever. Adrian will come around.” They spoke for a few minutes more until Gillian heard Ryan’s car out front.

Erin laughed, picking up her bag and heading out with Gillian. “I can’t recall the last time I was so nervous to meet a thirteen-year-old boy. Probably not since I was thirteen.” She needn’t have worried. He got out of the car at the base of the driveway and the guy pulled away with a wave.

“He hasn’t noticed yet,” Gillian said quietly.

Miles walked up the driveway at a pokey pace until he saw his mother and smiled. Erin warmed at the sight. Further evidence that the boy had a good life.

He sped up a bit and stopped cold when he really caught sight of Erin.

“Come on then, slowpoke. Come and meet Erin. She’s on her way out just now, but I thought you might want to say hello. You know, as one bass player to another.” Oh. He was a bass player too? Erin had remembered he played in a band, but knowing the kid played bass like she did warmed her heart.

She held her hand out and he shook it nearly off her arm. “Wow. This is so awesome. I never knew Mum had famous friends I’d actually recognize. I love your music. I’m trying to learn ‘Lashed’ right now. Well, we are, my band and me. I. Whatever. Wow. Just wow.” Gillian, grinning, stepped closer to Miles and put her arm around his waist because he already towered over her. “Easy there, kid, she needs her arm to tote around her baby and her guitar too.” He laughed, letting go, and Erin so badly wanted to hug him. She settled for another smile. “I’d love to help you work it through sometime. You’ll see me again, I promise.”

“Go on.” Gillian indicated the house with a tip of her chin. “Homework before you even touch your phone or the computer.”

“Aw, Mum!”

“Listen to your mother, Miles. It was my pleasure to meet you. I need to go, anyway. My son has been spending the day with his fathers and they’ll need the rest.” Miles stammered another greeting and ambled off to the house.

“He walks like Adrian does. That slow lope. Good lord.” She looked back to Gillian. “He’s a beautiful kid. Thank you for this. Can I call you? Perhaps spend some more time with Miles? I mean, obviously I can’t speak for Adrian, but I can speak for myself and I want to know Miles and you too.”

“Yes. They said the results would be back within two weeks, probably sooner. So once Adrian gets his answers I expect this will all begin to move. Thank you for being so understanding about why I didn’t come forward sooner.”

“You can’t own what someone else did. We talked about this already. I learned that one myself. I’ll be speaking to you soon.”

She drove away and headed straight to Adrian’s.

She didn’t bother buzzing him at the gate. Though the siblings had decided to let Adrian lick his wounds for a few days, time was up. She keyed in the code herself and parked, smiling at the sight of one of Rennie’s soccer balls near the side of the house.

She headed straight for the studio, where she found him smoking one of his forbidden French cigarettes, bare feet propped up on a table, a yellow notepad at his right hand and a guitar in his lap.

“Your son plays bass.”

She came in, shoved his legs off the table and sat, tossing her bag to the side.

“What?” He sat forward. “He does what?”

“I figured there’d been enough talking through lawyers. This woman is your son’s mother and she deserves respect and courtesy. Plus I wanted to take her measure myself so I went over there today.” He blinked. “You lie.”

“No. I’ve just spent three hours with Gillian Forrester. Moreover, I met your son. He practically shook my arm off and told me he was learning the bass line from ‘Lashed.’ ” Adrian pushed from his chair. “You had no right to give her any more ammo against me.” Erin didn’t bother with anger or even annoyance. She knew he was hurting. Still, he needed to stop wallowing. “Is that what this is to you?”

“We’re not supposed to be contacting her!”

“Sit down and be quiet for a minute while I take you to school, smart-ass. I went over there ready to kick some butt if I had to. This is my family and I will protect it. But then I pulled into her driveway and saw that house and I knew then she was not out to extort or harm you. She’s built a life there.” He handed her a bottle of water.

“So she opened the door I knocked on and recognized me after a moment, and though it took me a while to win past the hole you’ve dug with your attitude toward her, I got to know her a bit. She made me tea.

She talked to me about Miles in the way only a woman totally in love with her kid can sound.”

“What’s she like?”

“She runs a design business. Websites, corporate logos, brochures. That sort of thing. Good work actually.

I’ve seen some of it around town. She gives piano lessons a few days a week. They live well. Not this kind of well.” She waved at the home studio Adrian had built for himself. “But the house is good. Solid.

She’s got a life, Adrian, and there is nothing I saw today that made me think she’d try to raise herself up by hurting anyone else.”

“And the boy?”

“Say his name, Adrian. Let yourself believe this. I only met him for a few minutes. He’d just come home from school. Math club, she said. Anyway, he walks just like you do. Christ, he has Brody’s smile and his way of things. There is no doubt in my mind that he is your kid. Sweet. A little shy. Super excited to meet another bass player. Ha!”

The ache he’d had in his belly since that very first meeting with her in the café dulled just a bit. A deep slice of yearning replaced it. “You really think he’s mine?” She leaned forward and took his hands in her own. “Yes. I have absolutely no doubt about that. You have a son, Adrian. Happy father’s day.”

It hit him then with such force he had to sit back to breathe. The reality he’d been holding at bay, telling himself it probably wasn’t true, crashed back into his life.

“She took him over to get his DNA test. He knows what it’s for, but she hasn’t given him any details on who his father might be yet.”

“I need to see it for myself. Need to see him for myself. But I don’t want to upset him or his schedule.”

“He’s in school all day. She works from home. Chances are you could catch her there. Call and make an appointment to see her. I like her, Adrian. She loves that boy enough to risk the most important part of her life. This is all for him.”

“I can’t believe you went over there. Do Todd and Ben know?”

“Yes. We fought about it for a few hours, but I had to see her for myself. I needed to know if I had to cut a bitch or if I had a nephew. I’m glad to say it’s the latter. I gotta get home to my boys. You want to come over for dinner? Alexander and Ben spent the afternoon with Annalee. They went to lunch and then the park. Todd said he had plans to grill tonight. You know there’ll be enough for a thousand people.” She stood and held her hand out.

He didn’t take it, hugging her tight instead. “Thank you.” She hugged him back. “How many times have you done stuff like that for me? Huh? That’s what you do for your people. You’ve hid out here long enough. Come back to us.” He had a son. Christ.