My weakness

The hot liquid burns my tongue as I take a sip of my tea, reminding me once again that I should always wait before taking a sip and blow on the steaming cup.

The rays of sun hug me, its warmth comforting and axing my skin as I lean back.

I’ve always liked this : peace. Just me and the nature. A place where no one can bother me. In school, you can always find me in the library, hiding in some corner with my nose in the books. My best friend is always complaining about how I should make more friends, instead of closing myself off and ‘hide my beauty’ as she likes to say it.

But I never listen to her. I’m not changing myself to please her. I like the way I am. Even if I’m hiding that so called pretty body behind books and comfortable clothes, then so be it. I don’t like showing off my body, because then I feel like I’m being judged by everyone who looks to me or who even glances my way.

But she loves me either way, even though she doesn’t show it very much. And Chris never complained about how I dress or look. I was walking in school when I crashed into him and that he helped me with my books. Slowly we became friends and then he asked me out. He never said anything that I should dress up more or that I should put on some make-up. Because he knows that that’s not me. And I don’t know why, but I never saw myself as pretty. I always received compliments from everyone but never believed them.

I’ve always been so insecure and I don’t understand why Chris wants me to be his girlfriend but he keeps telling me that I’m beautiful in his eyes.

But I’m still hesitant around him, wondering if his love is real. He can have as many girls he wants that can give him what he actually wants.

Sex.

I’m not ready for it, and he knows that and respects it. And even though he doesn’t admit it, I know that he wants a release. But I just feel like it’s not the right time to give myself away.

Three soft knocks sound on my door interrupt my thoughts, and when I look up I see my mom entering my room, a big smile on her face.

« Honey, your father and I just received some news, » she says and takes a seat next to me. « What is it ? » I ask her.

« Well, your father received a message from an old friend of his. He’s back in town and asked us out for dinner. Do you still remember a Vincenzo Amoretto ? » mom asks.

Vincenzo.

I frown, trying to get memories from someone named like that. « No, mom. I don’t recall someone named Vincenzo, » I say. She nods.

« I’m not surprised. You were still a little child when they were friends. Your father and him were for a long-time business partners, but Vincenzo moved back to Italy to start his own company there, » mom exclaims happily. Why is she so happy about this ?

« And now he’s back in town for some business and he invited us to come over for dinner. Maybe he can offer your dad a deal for work or something, » mom says hopefully. Is she happy for this because we’re in financial trouble ? I’m not supposed to know that but I overheard a conversation between mom and dad. We’re not doing that well and they won’t allow me to get a job.

« That’s great ! » I smile. « Yes, indeed it is. So, Vincenzo invited us for dinner tomorrow evening, is that alright ? » she asks.

« Of course, mom, why wouldn’t it be ? » I ask her. She shakes her head.

« Just making sure, » she winks and gets up.

« I’ll tell your dad that it’s okay, » she says and closes the door behind her. Closing my book, I take my cup of tea and take a seat by the window and look outside. My hand goes automatically up to my necklace and fiddles with it.

It’s silver colored and has a heart-shaped pendant. I got it from my boyfriend for our two months anniversary. That was one month ago. I smile at the memory. He started fumbling with the black box and it fell out of his hands. He was so embarrassed and grabbed it from the ground. His messy blonde hair fell over his eyes when he bent over to grab it.

Since that day I’m always wearing it.

Smiling, I grab the book and open it on the page where I stopped reading. Letting my eyes fall over the words I slowly become absorbed in the story, and the world around me fades away.

° ° °

Sleepily I open my eyes, annoyed at the one who woke me up. « What ? » I snarl.

« Don’t use that tone with your mother, Athena ! »

A blush of embarrassment creeps up my neck. « Sorry mom, » I mutter and open my eyes scanning around me where I am because I don’t remember falling asleep. But it’s when I sit upright, I notice the ache in my back. I fell asleep against the window, my books still laying on my lap.

« You fell asleep and I wanted to wake you up to put some night clothing on and go to sleep, » mom tells me and starts to walk away. « What time is it ? » I ask hoarsely and yawn, stretching my limbs.

« Too late for you to be still up, you’re lucky I decided to check up on you before I went to sleep, » she mutters and throws me a kiss, before closing the door behind her. Tired I get up and strip out of my clothes, not bothering to put on any pajamas and fall asleep immediately.

° ° °

I wake up with the smell of pancakes.

Thank God for summer vacation.

Smiling I get up from the bed and see the state I’m in. My naked body greets me in the mirror when I pass it on the way to my closet and my big birthmark on the right side of my belly catches my eyes.

It’s not that obvious because it isn’t that dark but when you pay close attention you can see it. It’s right under my breast, which annoys me. I think it’s very unattractive, because who knows, maybe Chris is not going to like it by the time I’m ready to give my virginity to him and he’ll cheat on me for a woman who hasn’t got a birthmark under her breast and who isn’t struggling with her stupid insecurities and…

You’re overreacting.

Taking a deep breath, I continue my way to my closet and pull on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Not caring to do my hair – which is looking like an incredible mess on my head – I walk downstairs and greet my parents by giving them both a kiss on the cheek.

« Hey honey, slept well ? » mom asks me as she lays another pancake on a plate. « Yeah, did you ? » I ask her and rub my eyes.

« Yes, I did after I found you lying against the window with your mouth ajar, » she chuckles. « Mom, » I groan and take a seat at the table. « She’s right, you sleep with your mouth open and you drool, » dad says from behind his paper.

« Did anyone ask for your opinion ? » I ask playfully and turn his direction. « You know better than to go against your mother, Athena. I just don’t want to get on her bad side, » he says and shoots me a wink before he looks back down at his paper.

« Hey ! I heard that ! » mom yells and slaps him on the back of his head with her spatula. I laugh at the sight and wait patiently for my breakfast.

It’s not that we live in a big house. We have a tiny, cozy house. We never needed more space than this and we’re happy with it.