My weakness 02

« Fuck this shit ! »

I throw my books on the ground in frustration and rake a hand through my hair.

Today’s my last exam, and I don’t understand any of the shit that’s written in those stupidly thick books.

« I heard yelling ! » Chris’s voice says, and he enters my dorm without knocking. This only irritates me further.

« Chris ! We already had this conversation ! What if I was naked ? What would you have done then ? » I ask angrily and stomp around in the little room I share with my roommate and collect the things I’ve thrown on the ground.

« It’s not like I care about your body. And what has gotten up into your ass ? » he asks and laughs, putting his hands up in the air.

I instantly feel bad for yelling at him. « I’m sorry, I’m just stressed for Sunday, » I say and stuff all my books into my bag. My exam is about to start in 20 minutes, so I still have some time.

He rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around my shoulder when we exit my dorm and I lock the door. « You’re going to be perfect, don’t worry. And if your voice cracks and you’ll die from embarrassment, I’ll be there to suffer with you. »

I smile and shake my head at him. « Thanks for being my date, » I tell him and we walk over campus to our class. « No problem, babe, » he winks. I roll my eyes.

« How was your date last night ? » I ask him and check my phone to see what time it is.

Still fifteen minutes. As soon as I ask the question, he smiles. « It went really good, actually. He was so nice to me and even paid for the food ! I’m always the one that pays the food ! » he says excitedly. I laugh. « Good thing he’s a gentleman, » I chuckle.

Chris came out as gay last year, and me and Lucy have really been a support for him since his dad didn’t accept him the way he was.

« What was his name again ? » I ask him. « Thomas, » he says, a happy glint in his eyes.

He sighs dreamily. « We fucked in his car afterwards. My ass is still hurting. »

« Too much fucking details, » I groan and step away from him, causing him to laugh. « You’re too adorable, » he says. I smile a little, and hug him. He’s been such a wonderful friend to me, and supported me through everything.

« Our ways part here, my darling. I’ll see you after class ? » he asks. « Yeah, Lucy and I agreed to meet up at the local café, you can come too if you want to ? » I ask him. He nods. « Sure, will do. Love you ! »

« Love you too, » I yell after him and make my way over to class. Today’s my last exam, History. And after that I’ll be going home for Christmas. And after that I won’t be seeing them for another whole year. I only return for Christmas and my birthday.

I enter the class and take a seat, grabbing my books and repeating everything for a one last time before the professor walks in, which means that we have to put our books away and prepare us for the exam.

We all wait in silence as he goes around the room, handing us a stack of papers for us to make. When I receive mine, I instantly begin working on it, eager to get over with all of this and get drunk.

Halfway through the exam, I land on another question. I read the paragraph that goes along with it.

‘The Greek God Zeus kept cheating on his wife, Hera and after some time she found out…’

« Asshole, » I mutter under my breath. You should be the one to talk.

I write down the explanation and answer the question before moving on to the next one.

‘Give the Roman names for these Gods.’

The chills run up my spine and images of me crying and reaching over for the razor come into my mind.

I’m glad Chris walked in right on that moment, otherwise I would’ve bruised my skin and I’ve learned to appreciate myself over time. I’ve been crying for months over Vincenzo. Seeing his relationships being spread all over the tabloids is pretty damn depressing.

I’ve spent my birthday in my room, crying and stuffing myself full with sweets like in those typical movies.

Chris and Lucy really were a support for me, dragging me out of the house to live a little. I’ve been avoiding Vincenzo ever since I last saw him with Nicole.

It’s not like he came over to my house anymore, that would be pretty awkward. It’s a good thing that he started traveling much more for his company so I wouldn’t have to endure running into him.

My parents sometimes talk about him which makes me feel uncomfortable but I just hide it with a smile. I was such a naïve little girl back then.

I became so angry at myself at one point, asking myself how the fuck I could be that dumb.

Fortunately, my parents didn’t question the period I was ‘depressed’. They just accepted it and supported me even though they didn’t know what was happening. They just blamed it on puberty.

I smile at the mention of my parents. Tomorrow I’ll be flying over to Vancouver with Lucy and Chris. Sunday evening there will be a gala we’ll have to attend where I’m going to have to sing, in front of an audience.

The nerves come back up, but I distract myself by continuing the exam.

° ° °

I giggle with Lucy about some shit that’s not funny. This is my fourth glass of beer, and I’m a lightweight. But tonight, I don’t care. The exams are over and I’ll be flying home tomorrow.

« Easy there with the beer, » Chris comes in, taking the beer from both of our hands and places it back on the bar.

« Sorry dad, » I giggle and slightly push him.

« I want to get laid tonight ! » I yell over to Chris. He shakes his head.

« Nope, remember what happened the last time you tried it ? » I roll my eyes. He doesn’t have to keep reminding me of it. The poor man that got to experience my first one night stand didn’t come further than taking my pants off before I started panicking and sent him out of my dorm.

I’ve tried relationships before, but none of them lasted long enough and they never satisfied me.

« Come on ! Let’s dance ! » Lucy yells over the music, pulling me out of my thoughts and drags the three of us over to the dance-floor. The room around me starts spinning, and I grab onto Chris’ shoulder. He groans. « Not again… »

I hear Lucy’s giggles in the background. « Why did you let her drink this much ? »

« Duh ! Because… »

Everything blacks out, and before I know it, I’m lying unconscious in Chris’ arms.

° ° °

« Wakey, wakey. »

I groan and roll over in the bed I’m lying in. « Let me sleep, » I groan and close my eyes again. « We’re going to miss our flight if you don’t get up this instant. »