01

The doctor walked into his office shaking Antonio and Harlow’s hand, he then walked around his desk and sat down holding onto Harlow’s mammogram, MRI and biopsy results. « Please, sit down. » the doctor said, holding his hand out to the chairs across from him. Harlow sat down crossing her legs, nervous to hear what he has to say. Antonio sat down reaching for Harlow’s hand, holding tightly onto her hand while waiting for the doctor to read them her results.

She heard the four words she never thought she would ever hear. « You have breast cancer. » the doctor explained to her. She gasped when she heard the other words the doctor had to say. « You have metastatic cancer, which means you’re at stage four. » She put her head in her hands. « My girls. » she cried out. Antonio lowered his head and started rubbing her back letting her know that he and their girls will be there for her.

Antonio then looked at the doctor. « What does all that mean, metastatic cancer ? »

The doctor took in a deep breath while taking his glasses off and clasped his hands together. « What it means, and I’m sorry to say that the cancer is incurable, the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes, lungs, bones as well as her liver. » he explained, handing Antonio the paperwork.

Antonio took the papers, looking at them in shock. « I guess I don’t understand how this happened ? It doesn’t run in her family, and she had no signs of lumps on her breasts until a couple weeks ago. She’s only twenty-eight years old. » Antonio says, choking up.

« Sometimes there are other signs if no lumps have formed, sometimes it could be discharge of the nipple, swelling of the breasts, breast or nipple pain-«  the doctor began to say, being cut off by Harlow.

« I’ve noticed that I have been having shortness of breath, and some difficulty breathing, my breasts have also been feeling sore. » she sighed « I’ve also been feeling extremely tired, and to the point where my body just hurts. I just thought I was coming down with the flu, or that I had something else going on. Breast cancer never even crossed my mind. » Harlow said, cutting the doctor off.

« So now what ? Antonio asked, feeling devastated.

« We can discuss options, we can’t cure it at this point, but what we can do is treat it. »

« Which is ? » asked Antonio.

« We can start off with hormone therapy and see if her body responds to that, if it doesn’t respond, that would mean we would have to start chemotherapy with the option of surgery. After surgery, then we would start radiation therapy. There are other options and treatments as well, some have even tried clinical trials. » The doctor explained, giving them hope.

« Do we have to decide what we’re going to do right now, or can we go home and talk about our options ? I would like Harlow and I to discuss all of our options first, look at the pros and cons of everything, before we decide on what to do. »

« By all means, think about it. Call me as soon as you decide on what you’re going to do, we would need for her to start treatment right away, to try and prevent the cancer from spreading anywhere else. »

Antonio helped Harlow stand up, then shook the doctor’s hand. « Thank you Dr. Walters, we’ll be in touch. »

Antonio looked at Harlow with sadness in his eyes, he placed his hand on the small of her back, and walked her back to their vehicle. The moment she sat inside, and placed her seatbelt on, she lowered her head in her hands and broke down.

He leaned over to her, and held her. « We will get through this together, you’re not doing this alone. » he tells her, squeezing her tight. He moved his head back a little and curled his finger under her chin, raising her head up, kissing her on the lips. « I know you ; you can fight this. »

« What am I going to tell the girls ? They’re only four years old, they won’t understand any of this. » she cried out.

His heart felt heavy while listening to her, seeing her with tears in her eyes, hurt him. After everything that she had been through the last few years, this was the last thing they needed to hear. He cupped the sides of her face, and looked her in the eyes with sincerity. Using his thumbs, he wiped away her tears. « We can wait to tell them, they don’t need to know anything right now. » he says, trying to stay strong for her. He sat up in his seat, and started the car.

On the way home, Antonio kept thinking about what he could do to help Harlow out and lighten up the load for her. With Harlow needing to start treatment right away, she will need all the help that she can get. « I can hire a live-in nanny to help us out, possibly finding one that can do more than just be a nanny for us. One who would be able to help with cooking, cleaning, or anything else you would need help with. »

Harlow leaned her head against the window, stared up into the sky, not saying a word. She could hear Antonio speaking to her, but was too upset to speak.

« Hey. » Antonio said softly. He turned his head to look at her, and reached his arm out, caressing her cheek.

He lowered his hand to hers, placed his fingers inside hers and raised her hand to his lips, kissing the tips of her fingers, which only made her cry more. He breathed in a deep, and exhaled slowly as he was feeling sorry for her, hating that she must go through this. He didn’t know what else to say to her to make her feel any better, and continued driving home.

When they got home, Harlow immediately ran up the stairs and into her bedroom, shutting the door hard. She stood against the door, taking in everything that the doctor just told them. She pushed herself away from the door and walked over to the bed to lie down, lying on her stomach, and pressing her face deeply into the pillow.

Antonio left to pick up the girls from pre-K school. He explained to them that mommy wasn’t feeling well, asleep, and to not wake her up when they got home. « OK daddy. » Gabriella says. « Mommy said she was going to play dolls with us when we got home. » Isabella said sadly.

« Why don’t I play with you girls when we get home, that way we can let mommy rest. » he tells them with a smile, while looking at them in his rearview mirror.

After he got home, the girls grabbed onto his hands and pulled him to their playroom, to play with their dolls. While he was playing with them, Antonio didn’t know it, but Harlow was leaning against the frame of the door watching them quietly, and smiling.

He looked over at her when he felt someone standing in the doorway watching them, and smiled at her. She walked over to them and sat down. Harlow picked up a doll and began playing with them until she needed to make dinner.

The girls continued playing, and Antonio followed Harlow out of the room and into the kitchen, so they could talk. While making dinner she discussed with him on what she wanted to do. « I’ve decided to try the hormonal therapy first, and see if that will work. From what I’ve heard and read, it’s not as harsh as the chemotherapy. »

« Whatever you decide to do, I’ll back you one hundred percent. » he says, wrapping his arms around her waist, looking at her concerned, and sighed « Did you hear me in the car earlier, when I brought up hiring a Nanny ? »

« I did. »

« What do you think about that ? »

She shrugged her shoulders, still unsure of what to think about it, even though he had brought it up in the past. « I don’t know, I guess it would help me out a bit, I’m sure I’ll be at the doctors a lot, and more tired than I already am. »

He smiled. « I’ll go to an agency in the morning, and get all the paperwork filled out. » he says, feeling relieved.

For the next couple months, Harlow tried hormone therapy, hoping that would work out for her. Antonio and Harlow also finally sat down with the girls, and explained what was going on with her. During those two months, they interviewed many caregiver’s who had placed their applications for the job. Antonio started worrying about finding the right nanny, when not one of the interviewees were good enough for the job, and the girls were even turning their noses up to everyone who they interviewed.