01

Tessa

When you’re not the shoo-in as the pretty sister, being the smart one is usually the next default.

I didn’t mind the title even though I knew that Anna was no bimbo. Most people can’t get past how perfectly beautiful she is but I suspect that Anna never said anything about NOT being referred to as the smart one because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

She’s pretty amazing like that. She could be everything but she would settle with what was often deemed a lower compliment to give me something of my own to hold on to.

From a very young age, our distinction from each other was already apparent. We only made it more obvious by embracing the slice of pie we were handed. I never tried to be beautiful because the one time I attempted it, the only attention I drew was the scathing kind, with some people accusing me of trying too hard to be like Anna and failing at it miserably. I decided to stick to being smart—very smart. And it worked for me.

There was only ever one time I allowed myself to be stupid.

It was Christmas and I was twelve and his name is Jake Hastings.

Brandon was older than Anna and I by a big chunk of years and we always saw him to be wiser and more worldly. We were always a little in awe of him. We always wanted him to come play with us, tell us stories, take us places. And being a softie, he often did. And often, Jake, his best friend, tagged along as well. He wasn’t an orphan but some days, he almost seemed like one based on the amount of time he spent with our family.

I was alright with that because Jake was a funny guy. He was always goofy and full of jokes. Brandon was an amazing older brother to us but he could be a bit serious sometimes. Anna and I always felt like we had to be on our toes and make no misstep as a Maxfield but Jake always took that edge off whenever he was around. His sense of humor didn’t make him less protective though.

Around the beginning of December, just before everyone took themselves off to the holidays, our parents would throw two Christmas parties—one for the adults and another one for all the children. We were at a stage when Anna and I felt like we were getting too old to attend but still wanted to. There were pretty little cakes and gifts for every single kid and neither of us wanted to miss out.

That time, I’d gotten new braces with pink stones on them and my hair had grown long enough since its last trim to have developed softer, wispier ends. I was feeling pretty good about myself then—until one of the girls from Anna’s class deliberately spilled soda on my dress after I refused to swap the mini make-up kit I’d gotten as a present for her kaleidoscope. She told me to keep the make-up kit because I obviously needed it if I didn’t want to look hideous.

I wore a stony expression as Anna, who got told by some other kid, bit off the girl’s head and told her to leave. I continued to wear it as Mom tried to tell me to not take the taunt personally. I shed no tear or made any sound as the evening wore on and everyone came together for a small family dinner. I snuck outside behind the kitchen where the large garbage bin was located and shoved the make-up kit into it, knocking the metal lid to the ground with a loud clang.

The door opened and Jake stuck his head out, frowning when he saw me in the middle of picking up the lid. He already heard about what happened. I saw him and Brandon have a hushed conversation earlier that evening, the way adults would talk quietly when something was so obviously wrong.

I didn’t say anything as I calmly replaced the lid but Jake fully stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

« You know what the difference is between girls who are already beautiful and girls who only care to be that and nothing else ? » he asked as he leaned a shoulder against the doorway.

I raised a brow. « Destiny ? »

Jake raised his own. « Well. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. »

I wasn’t in the mood for Jake’s—or anybody else’s—humor. « Then answer your own question so I can go back in and go to bed. »

For a second, I thought he’d smiled but he pulled the serious expression back on his face quickly. « The difference, dear Tessa, is that girls who are already truly and completely beautiful inside out, don’t need to hurt anybody to make sure no one could compete. They know there is no competition. They’re not bothered by it. They know they’ve got it. The girl who hurt you tonight clearly knows she doesn’t have it all. »

I digested that for a while but it couldn’t quite cut into the conviction the last twelve years had built.

« Sounds like bullshit. »

Jake’s brows drew together into a scowl. « Where did you learn that word, Tessa Marie Maxfield ? »

I shrugged. « I’m not a baby, Jake. I can read and hear things. And you and Brandon don’t always notice I’m around when you talk. »

He dragged a hand down his face, looking a little exasperated. « This is what I get for trying to be a nice guy. »

« You don’t have to be a nice guy, » I told him. « You definitely don’t have to lie to me just to be one. »

Jake was visibly frustrated. « Still. What she did wasn’t right. »

« I know that. »

« Then why are you sulking ? » he demanded.

« What she did was wrong but she wasn’t lying, » I told him bluntly even though it stung me to admit it. « I’m not beautiful and I’m okay with that. I didn’t keep the make-up kit to try to be different but now I’m not keeping it because it just reminds me of nasty memories. »

His expression softened. « Tessa, listen. Beautiful is just one word with so many meanings. You don’t have to be everything that the word means. You just have to find how it already perfectly defines you. »

I wasn’t sure if Jake was still aware that he was talking to a twelve-year-old despite my very adult ways but something in what he said cracked a big piece off that chip I’d worn on my shoulder since the day I understood that I couldn’t be beautiful.

If someone as magnificent and as kind as Jake Hastings thought that I was already beautiful, then it ought to be true.

I believed him that night.

Worse, I fell in love with him right after he’d said those magical words.

When Valentine’s Day came a couple months later, I gave him a letter to tell him exactly that because a happily-in-love, totally-feeling-beautiful Tessa wasn’t a smart one. A smart Tessa wouldn’t have sworn eternal love and promised a grand wedding in a big church.

I waited quietly as he read it, trying to figure out his softly smiling expression. He gave me a broad grin after he lowered the paper and put a hand on top of my head.

« Tessa, you’re a very sweet girl, » he said, still beaming. « But you’re still much too young for love. You’ll have to give it several more years before you can really learn what it means. »

I wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying but my heart was thundering too wildly already to back away at that moment. « Okay. I can wait. Will you wait ? »