Chapter 4: Just Thinking of Shit

I press my thumb hard into the tac so it goes fully into the wall. Stepping back, I admire my work and sigh with content at the sight of my Black Veil Brides poster hanging on my wall. In college. Gosh, it still seems so surreal. I can't believe I'm actually here.

I double over my side of the room and smile in triumph when I realize I'm finally done unpacking. As soon as I woke up, I decided to unpack for the hell of it, and mainly so I wouldn't have to do it later.

Freshman orientation is today, I'm supposed to check out all my classes and map them so I can get there fairly on time when scheduled (since I'm technically not supposed to have a car, I'll most likely drive to the side of campus where my classes are held and walk to them from the centered lot).

I didn't fuck my way to Providence, I made it here on my own, and I don't plan on losing this scholarship. So, I have to keep school at a top priority.

I huff with relief and plop myself onto my bed. Rolling my head on its axis, I open my nightstand drawer and pull out a joint I rolled this morning. I've earned it damnit.

I see Amy's still sleeping body tangled under her covers. She stirs slightly and groans with a whimper. I smirk, knowing she has a hangover despite drinking the water I gave her. Usually, you have to keep yourself hydrated the whole night. And I think that water was the first non-alcoholic drink she'd had all night.

My memories of my dad and mom keep floating into my thoughts every now and again. Seeing Amy's body reminds me so much of my dad, minus the drunken curses and whoas. I should call him maybe, or see if Lucy will check up on him for me. Yes, I will do that when I talk to her next.

I grab my lighter and flick my thumb down so the flame appears, my thoughts disappearing like the puff of smoke. I hold the joint to my lips and inhale to take in the flame on the opposite side. The joint feels ridgy between my fingers, and I blow out a hit before coming back to it.

The illegal contents give a smooth transition from the joint to my throat, the smoke deflecting on my face as it brushes against it.

I watch the intricate paint strokes on the ceiling with curious fascination. I wonder who painted this room, what students laid on this bed before me, and what exactly their story was. If they smoked on this bed just like me. If they too hung up posters on their wall.

It's the simple stuff that I want to know, yet it's the simple stuff that makes us wonder, makes us wanna know the deeper version of the story. The thoughts instead of the facts. Maybe I think too much into things, but I don't wanna just scratch the surfaces. I wanna take a swim and explore what's underneath.

I shake my head and giggle, coughing when I take in too much smoke. My head is feeling light now, a side effect right before your officially considered stoned.

Pulling out my phone, I put on some music and keep the volume low so I don't wake Amy. My head nods along to the guitar solo and my eyes close at the sound of my favorite song that I listen to at these times. It's called 'Dani California' by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I love the song, my mom and I used to jam out to this band all the time.

They're more of an alternative band though, yet they have their own element mixed into each song. It creates the perfect exotic vibe that every person needs once in a while. Besides, I am almost positive that the whole band is full of stoners, because if so, it'd make a lot of sense. Watching their videos and listening to the lyrics is enough proof for anyone.

I inhale sharply to ensure the contents into my lungs. I hold it in for a minute, before exhaling slower than I inhaled.

Grabbing a remote, I switch on the TV. The black screen comes to life, and cartoons are automatically shown. I almost beam at the realization that it's Looney Tunes, the original, not the wannabe new shows they make these days.

My inner child makes an appearance and I giggle like a schoolgirl at the antics being presented on the television. I'm full of laughing hard when I hear another whimper come from across the room.

Quickly, I turn down the TV, and try to stop my insatiable giggles. It's a hard job to do considering everything appears more humorous when I'm impaired and feeling as if I have no worries in my life.

"Ugh." Another groan.

I look over, joint in hand at the struggling girl before me. She peeks one eye open when her head lifts from under the covers. "too bright." She whines and dips her head back into her cocoon.

I laugh, inhaling before sitting up. I hold my occupied hand out and walk toward her. "Here, this will help."

Amy pops her head above the surface and pouts. I bite my grin and move my hand more forward so it's near her face.

"What time is it?" Amy asks as she takes it from my hand. It's harder for her to hit it considering its dwindling size, but she manages and tokes on it, a look of comfort slowly spreading across her face.

"Uh.." I look at my bedside clock, "nearly noon. You slept in." I smirk, waving my hand when she offers it back to me.

I tell her she can keep hitting it and walk back over to my bed.

"God, I hate hangovers. Worse part of drinking I swear."

She curses under her breath and reaches up to rub her forehead.

"If that doesn't clear it fully, I put some Advil under the sink in the bathroom." I tell her, laying back.

I refocus on the Looney Tunes and a silence fills the room. It's comfortable though.

"My favorite character is Speedy." Amy says randomly and ashes the joint.

"Really? Mine is Porky Pig. Or Foghorn Leghorn, I could never decide as a kid."

"Hmm..okay. Tell me your opinion on the show they made. What was it? The Looney Tunes Show or something? Where they are living with people and shit." She sits up and crosses her legs.

I do the same and face her.

"I actually had no problems with that, mainly because I found it funny, but I'll always love the original better. The same goes for all the classics they made and ruined. Did you ever see the new Scooby Doo? I mean, how can ruin that?"

"Right? It's horrible. I don't really watch cartoons anymore, but when I do, I like to see what I grew up with, not the newer versions of those. Like Tom and Jerry. Why remake a masterpiece? And Teen Titans? Boomerang?"

"My feelings exactly, I nod, shaking my head. "Like you said, I don't really watch them anymore, but I like to when I'm high or in need of a pick me up."

"Do you find it weird that we're so deep into this?" Amy questions, smiling.

"A little, but I'm pretty passionate about it." I shrug, having no shame.

"Me too. Everytime I wanna talk about it, everyone gets confused because they don't care."

"I do, I like my childhood shows, and to have them made stupid like that just..ugh, gets to me." I chuckle humorlessly.

"Yes, I know what you mean. I might be in college, but there's an inner child in all of us." She cackles, shaking her head.

"Agreed."

A few beats pass by and I look to the TV once more.

"What are your plans today?" Amy asks.

"Um, I have orientation. I kinda wanna map out my classes..see where they are." I explain.

"What about you?" I ask.

"First, I need to finish curing this hangover,"

She scoffs but grins to soften it.

"Never fear.." I trail off and reach back into my nightstand. "The serum roller is here."

I crinkle my nose slightly at my bad joke and pull out another joint.

I light it, and pass it over.

...

"Fuck!" I exclaim, going over this ridiculous map once more.

I've been basically going in circles the past half hour, trying to figure out where the hell my classes are. I have looked and looked over this damn map, but it seems nearly impossible. When I think I'm in the right section, I'm actually in another one. It's really fucking annoying trying to navigate this thing.

I've must've found my dorm building by pure luck.

I think about just giving up, but I've already wasted enough time on this, I might as well try some more. I'd hate to have done this for nothing, and besides I have to know where I'm going for Monday when actual classes start.

I use my finger to pinpoint the section it says two of my professors are located.

"Urg," I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose out of frustration. I can't seem to grasp the coordination for this map. It has labels for stupid shit like the fountain by the Kai Da Mui Frat house. Like seriously? Nobody really cares.

Unless they believe those myths and need to make a wish. All those are ways for people to make extra money. Because coins add up after a certain point, especially when it's said that quarters are the best for a wish.

You know who believes that?

Chumps that's who.

I keep my eyes focused on a path and follow the way till it leads me to my destination. When I look up, I'm standing beside a building that has 'Community Center' imprinted in bold letters.

God damnit.

"Need some help?

I'm startled by the sound of a voice behind me. I jump slightly and turn around, eyes wide.

Brown eyes blink back at me, topped with bleach blonde hair and a white smile.

"You scared me," I laugh awkwardly at the stranger.

"Sorry. I just noticed you were having trouble. I'm a junior so I know the campus pretty well. You a freshman?" He asks.

"Yeah. This map is so confusing."

I hold it up with a scowl.

"May I?" He reaches for it and I hand it over.

"Be my guest," I mumble.

"I see the problem. This map is one of a few semesters ago. The school went under construction and a lot of buildings were relocated and remodeled." The guy-whose name I still don't know-explains.

I nod, understanding, but still pissed because of all the time I just wasted. And it's all for nothing.

"Oh. Well, uh, could you tell me where to get to the administration from here? I need a new map." I chuckle and it mixes with a scoff.

"Sure, how about I walk you there?"

"I don't even know your name." I smile.

He holds his hand out for me to take, "Riley." He says proudly, shaking my hand.

"Amara," I return and we part our hands.

"So Amara, now that the formal introductions are out of the way, do you want me to walk you there? It's pretty far from here, and I have nothing to do."

"Hence why you helped a stranger." I point out.

"Yes. So whatya say?"

I shrug, he seems friendly enough.

"Sure."

...

The administration building appears into my vision, and I puff out a breath of relief that my feet can finally rest. Riley wasn't kidding when he said it was far. I assumed the campus was at walking distance from building to building, but I was wrong. At this rate, I am going to have to drive my car if my classes are spread far apart from each other.

"So Riley," I begin as we approach the double doors. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He seemed relatively cool when we were walking, his personality is nice and he's very mature from what I've notice, yet he has infatuations with cute little things.

And he's very attractive. It only make sense that he has someone.

He shakes his head, almost doubling over in laughter. "A girlfriend? No way. I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate that."

I gape at him and stop walking momentarily. Gay? Who would've guessed? He does not carry himself that way-in the stereotypical way that is, but then again, many men do not.

"Really? Wow. I wouldn't have guessed." My surprise is not hidden well.

Riley smiles genuinely and stops beside me, "I get that a lot."

"What's your boyfriend like then?" I decide to ask and start walking again.

Riley opens the door for me to walk in first and I approach the front desk.

"He's amazing. We've been together for a little over a year and just got an apartment together at a complex downtown." He tells me as the spectacled woman peers up at me under her glasses.

"Could I get a map please? The one I got is from before the remodels."

The woman nods and points to a table in the far corner, the one where I got my first one. "They are over that way. We replaced them this morning. Sorry for the inconvenience." She says softly and smiles.

I return her gesture and reply a quick thank you before moving to grab one.

Riley follows me back into the fresh air.

"After I show you around you wanna go to this Cafe on campus?" He asks, already beginning to walk down the sidewalk.

"I have the right map now, you don't have to." I tell him, not wanting to be an inconvenience.

"No worries, I have the time. I'm actually a tour guide and the group I had been assigned cancelled last minute."

"Oh, well in that case show me the way."

I gesture in front of me to emphasize my words.

Riley laughs, "Yes ma'am."

"You know you could've said that you were a guide."

"True, but where would all the mystery go?"

We both laugh.

...

Turns out, the Cafe Riley was talking about happens to be the one I went to last night. The same smell hits me when we walk in and we find a relatively empty side of the restaurant. Riley leads me over to a two chaired table and both of us take a seat.

"Have you been here before?" He asks me as he overlooks the menu given to us by a passing waiter.

I nod, "I was actually here just yesterday."

"Did you eat anything?" He questions.

I shake my head, and realize that I actually haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. On cue, my stomach growls and I clutch it, embarrassed.

"Well, I suggest one of their pastries. Maybe a chocolate croissant or something. Though I should warn you..they're really sweet." He chuckles.

I join him and grab my own menu to look over.

Last night I had a peppermint iced coffee and it tasted relatively decent, so I decided to order that along with a dark chocolate muffin. Riley gets what he suggested along with a mocha cappuccino.

"I don't know what I'd do without these," he tells me as he sips on his steaming drink.

I stifle a laugh at his exaggeration and munch on my muffin.

"Tell me more about yourself," I urge, scooting up further under the table.

My knee bumps against the leg of the table and I wince slightly.

"Okay. I transferred here my freshman year during the second semester, and lived in a dorm till I moved off campus with Aaron. Um, I have two siblings and a car that is the love of my life. Oh, except for Aaron. My favorite color is purple, I don't like sweat, and I'm twenty two. Was all that random?" He smiles.

"No, not at all. It's just the little stuff about you. It's good to know those things." I say.

"I guess you're right. So tell me more about you. I only know that you're a freshman and live in the East Dormatory. And that you can't read maps," he smirks and I lightly swat his arm across the table.

"Hey! That wasn't my fault." I defend, shaking my head in amusement.

"I know, but it's fun to push blame." He says, shrugging as he bites into his croissant.

I sip on my coffee, looking around the nearly empty restaurant. The place is basically dead aside from us, the waiters, and a few other people sitting at booths and tables. Soft music plays quietly in the background as everyone maneuvers around and goes on about their life.

I find myself questioning what all of their lives are like. If the guy typing on his laptop is here because of his roommate, or if he even has one. If the lady behind the counter has any stress from her co-workers. Or people that take out their bad attitudes from a bad day.

Riley and I conversate until both of us are finished with our food and coffee. I learn more about him, and tell him some about me. I didn't say anything about my parents, but I told him about Phurry and part of my life there. I told him about Lucy, and how we grew up together mostly since grade school. I told him about some of my habits, and laughed when he scrunched his nose when I mentioned marijuana. I mostly told him about simple things like my favorite color, and favorite genre of music.

We walk along the sidewalk and part ways when we reach my dorm building. He heads towards where he parked his car and I take the steps to get inside.

Before I walk fully in though, I turn and give him one final wave. He smiles and returns the gesture.

I walk inside and pull out my keys once I get close to my door. Last I heard, Amy was out with Rachel and wouldn't be back till later tonight. She said she might even go to a party, but I'm not sure if she'll come back before.

My door is already unlocked when I put my key in the hole, and I furrow my brows in confusion.

She home already?

It's only a quarter till four.

Amy is on her bed when I get inside, and Ralph and Cole are play fighting on the floor.

Ralph wraps his arm around Cole's neck and Cole follows up with a side pinch.

"Ow, you fucker!" Ralph laughs, attempting to get his leg underneath to trip him.

Amy watches with amusement and grins at me when she notices my presence.

"Hey, how was your orientation?" She asks me.

I jump back on my bed with a sigh. "It was good. I got lost but someone helped me."

"Ooh. Someone? I was wondering what was keeping you. Orientation ended at two."

She smirks knowingly and I giggle just to further her imagination.

Cole and Ralph stop play fighting and look at me.

"What?" I ask and they shrug simultaneously.

"Guy or girl?"

"Guy,"

"What's his name?" Amy asks as they take a seat on the floor.

I look at Cole and catch his gaze. His crystal orbs shine into mine and he looks me up and down before turning away.

I roll my eyes.

"Riley." I answer.

"Mm. That's a hot name," Amy says. I vaguely notice Ralph role his eyes at that statement.

"It is." I agree. "So, what have you guys been doing today?" I ask and Amy shakes her head.

"No. No. No." She says, "Tell me more about this guy."

"There really isn't anything. He showed me around my classes and we ate at that Cafe." I explain, "Besides we only met today."

"Oh, little miss Princess found a Prince." Cole mocks, chuckling.

I flip him off and then throw a pillow at him.

"Shut up," I grumble, fighting my smile.

"But it's true." He fires back.

"I'm no Princess,"

"Could've fooled me." He smirks.

"Aw, I'm flattered."

I bat my eyelashes sarcastically and place a hand on my chest.

"What do you mean nothings going on? That was a lunch date right?" Amy interrupts our little tirade.

I shake my head. "Let's just say I'm not his type."

"Looks like he and I have something in common." Cole retorts jerkily.

"You say that like I want you," I snicker, the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

Ralph and Amy laugh, cooing out 'oohs' at my comeback.

Cole just rolls his eyes, muttering a "whatever" under his breath.

I grin in triumph at that.

"Nothing to say now?" I question rhetorically, cocking my head to the side. Mocking him.

"Whatever," he mumbles again and I laugh.

"Lighten up I'm just playing."

I sit up and begin to slip my boots off.

"Yeah yeah." He waves me off but I see the hidden smile on his lips.

"Amara are you gonna come to the party tonight?" Amy asks, watching as I untie the lace of my boots.

I think it over. I did have fun last night, aside from my little episode.

"Sure." I reply carelessly, shrugging.

"Awesome! I can text Rachel so we can get ready together again."

Her excitement is a little surprising considering we met yesterday, but I also cannot help my own twinge of happiness. I am liking college more and more.

As the thought crosses my mind, other images begin to invade. My dad again, his half empty bottles of alcohol, his empty bottles, his pained face. I cringe slightly without meaning to, and it doesn't go unnoticed as I hoped.

So unfortunate.

"You okay?" Amy asks me, and suddenly all six eyes are focused on me.

"Yeah," I smile and wave it off. "I'm fine, just thinking of shit. Nothing important."

As if your dad isn't important.

Not like he made me important.

But he's still your dad.

I have a mini confrontation in my head. I'm at a crossroads with myself. Bordering between caring with worry and anger with sadness.

I shake my head to finalize and push back my conflicting thoughts. Instead I focus on the three people in front of me, who mainly just shrug and accept my answer as impassive. Ralph and Cole begin play fighting again and I conversate with Amy, tossing thoughts about tonight and pushing my father to the deepest depths of my subconscious.