Chapter 2

Maria Eduarda

For two years I have not known what it is to have peace. And here I am, looking at myself in the mirror of my bathroom, trying to forget my worst nightmare. Since that night I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. I have no reason to celebrate. How I wish I had died! Is it wrong that I still have these kinds of thoughts? Is it wrong that I still feel dirty? There are so many contradictory feelings I've been having!

In the beginning, I couldn't sleep because of the events. I was sedated and was also restrained in the hospital bed. The pain I feel in my soul is so great, that I ended up taking the IV out of the vein that was hydrating me and hurting myself even more, I only see the blood coming out again, and smile between the tears that were already flowing.

For me it was so good, because death would come and take me away from my suffering. Of one thing I was sure: I wouldn't know how to live with it. Only I didn't count on the nurses coming in so fast and screaming. And I black out again.

And here I am again standing in the same place, where I tried to kill myself the first time. And again it didn't work. My sister was told that I had tried again to kill myself. Now she looks at me shocked.

- What did you do, Duda? - she asks me, with tears in her eyes.

- You don't understand! - I whisper.

- Then make me understand! - she says seriously. I try to move, but I can't. Seeing what I was doing, she says: - They had to tie you up.

- I could tell," I grumble.

- So, will you or won't you make me understand what is happening to you?

- How long have I been here?

- Almost two days. Do you remember that night?

- Yes ... - I whisper.

- So it's true? - she asks me, and I feel my blood completely drain from my face.

- Yes," I whisper again, ashamed of myself.

- Duda, don't you want to know what happened to you?

- Honestly, I don't think you need to remind me of exactly what happened to me! - Without meaning to, I'm rude, and soon I'm apologizing: - Forgive me, I didn't mean to be rude.

- I know you didn't! You don't know how I felt when I saw you on the bathroom floor all bloody.

My beautiful sister... She had no idea how much I admired her, she raised me since I was a little girl, our difference is ten years.

- Forgive me! - I ask again, and she hugs me, putting her head in my lap. She begins to cry. Very much.

- I thought you were dead! - she whispers.

- That's what I wanted at that moment," I confess, feeling her tears on my stomach.

- No, I don't want you to try against your life anymore! - she says angrily, and gets up. Then I could see how downcast she was.

- I have to die! - she looks at me shocked.

- Don't ever say such shit again!

- Do you think it's easy?

- I can imagine that it must not be easy!

- No, you don't! - I practically scream, and try to control myself: "On my birthday I was raped!

- Duda, stay calm," she says, seeing how agitated she was.

- I can't stay calm! - I look at her firmly. - Besides having been raped, I could be pregnant and even run the risk of having caught an STD.

- They did the pregnancy test and the STD test.

- And what was the result? - I ask, afraid.

- The result shows that you, Miss Sanches, are not pregnant and have not contracted the virus either," I hear a man's voice and wonder who it is. I don't need much, by the looks of my sister, who has turned very red.

- Hi, Doctor Leo," my sister says, still blushing.

He gives us a smile that I find sexy and greets us.

- So I'm not pregnant?

- No, Miss! But that doesn't mean that you don't have to take the morning-after pill, much less the cocktail, because you'll be taking it as a preventive.

- But didn't you say that I'm not pregnant and I haven't contracted an STD? Why do I have to take it? - I question, already getting nervous.

- Miss, as I was saying, you have to take it, and we are going to do more tests. You will also be accompanied by a psychologist.

- I don't need a psychologist," I answer, thickly, and my sister looks at me.

- Yes, she will, Dr. Leo!

- Good, the nurse will bring the medication, and we'll do more tests soon.

- I'm fine! - I grumble.

- You've been through a major trauma, and I know you're shaken, but you need to do more tests and also start taking medication, okay? - I nod my head in agreement. Before long, he leaves, and a nurse comes in, and I am taken off restriction. This is how I began my long journey to forget my nightmare.

- Dudaaaaaa! - I hear my sister call me and I am taken out of the past. I soon come downstairs and see her all dressed up.

- Where are you going? - I ask, curious.

- I'm going to work, did you forget? - she jokes. - And you have to go to class, and don't forget to come home soon.

She gives me a kiss and runs off like crazy. My sister both loves and hates her job as Mr. Leon Vitorino's secretary. Sincerely, and