Chapter 1

People talk about not knowing themselves, like not being in touch with who they really are, but when I returned to Shenandoah that rainy Tuesday afternoon, I honestly felt like I was someone else completely, not the innocent young girl who’d left my home just a few days before, and despite everyone’s reassurances, I knew there was nothing that would ever make me who I’d been the last time I was home.

My sister had been forced to call my parents while I was still out since I was supposed to be home in time for school the next day, and they were wondering where I was. Cadence tried to keep it all nonchalant, saying something had come up, and she wouldn’t be able to bring me home until a day later than expected. Apparently, my mom wasn’t very happy, but Cadence assured her Jamie, the doctor who worked as part of the LIGHTS team, would write me an excuse for school.

And it probably wouldn’t be for just one day, I imagined, considering how awful I felt. Even as we were boarding the airplane, I needed help. I was glad Brandon was right beside me the whole time.

Facing my parents wouldn’t be easy, but it would help that Christian, the tech person who also implants all of the Intelligence Assistance Communicators (IACs) in everyone’s eyes, had managed to make me a contact lens so that my Vampire eye would match my Hunter eye. It made looking in the mirror a little more bearable, but I still knew the truth, that under that thin piece of plastic, my eye was gray, that I was tarnished, and that nothing like me had ever existed before. No one had any idea what I was capable of, not even me.

The plane touched down briefly at the little airport in my hometown so that Cadence, her fiancé, Aaron, and I could all get off, and then the rest of the team would continue on to Kansas City, which meant I had to tell Brandon goodbye. It was more difficult than I had imagined, especially since he’d taken my recommendation that we just be friends for now in stride. He’d never left me, not since I first came up with this stupid scheme to take the train to Philadelphia. Even when Zabrina, the Vampire who’d kidnapped me, was about to sink her teeth into me, Brandon had fought for me. He’d shielded my body from bullets and held my hand while Jamie saved my life. He’d definitely become more of a friend to me in the last seventy-two hours than most of the people I’d ever had in my entire life.

He followed me off of the plane so we could talk for a minute before he had to leave. Having just Transformed into a Guardian himself, I was certain there were still lots of questions about his own future floating around in his mind, especially since I’d just gotten him put on probation for coming with me on that train. He never said a negative word about it to me, though, and I appreciated that. If he said this was all my fault, he’d be right, but he insisted he’d made his own decision.

“So…” I said, staring up at him as my sister and Aaron went to get the SUV the team kept at the airport, “I guess this is goodbye. For now.”

“Nah, it’s see you later,” Brandon insisted, smiling at me. “It’ll never be goodbye, if you ask me. You’re stuck with me for the next couple hundred years, girl.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at his attempt to lighten my mood. I’d lost so many people recently, the fact that he was almost indestructible was comforting, and I tried not to think about the fact that his dad should’ve been just as difficult to kill, but we all knew what had happened to him. “All right, then. Not goodbye, but see you later. That works for me.”

“I have your number and will text you often, possibly too often.” His hands were on the outsides of my arms, and I realized the protective feel of him touching me would be gone soon. It was something I’d grown used to recently, and I wasn’t eager to be exposed to the world again.

“You can text me any time, but if my mom takes away my phone, you’ll have to email me or use one of my social media accounts. I doubt she’ll take away my computer since I have school work.”

“Right. Good luck with that.” His smile turned grim, and my stomach flipped over. Facing my parents would be almost as difficult as facing Zabrina had been. “Well, it looks like your sister’s ready to go.”

I turned to see Cadence and Aaron in the SUV waiting for me. Aaron had taken my bag, so I was standing in front of Brandon empty handed, wondering when I might see him again. I went up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around him, and Brandon held me close for longer than he probably should have considering I’d told him I wasn’t ready for whatever he was thinking about yet. He kissed the top of my head, and I found a way to slide out of his grasp.

“See you soon,” he said as I walked backward toward the waiting SUV.

“See you,” I nodded.

Jamie was standing at the top of the stairs, and I waved at him, thinking of how lucky I was he was able to save my life, and then I glanced once more at Brandon before turning around and hurrying to the car. There was no use in prolonging things, and even though I’d tried to rip him off like a Band-Aid, the sting was still there.

“You okay?” my sister asked as I fastened my seatbelt.

“I’ll be okay,” I assured her. “Unless Mom and Dad kill me.”

“Just let me handle it,” Cadence said, exhaling, and I knew she was just as nervous as I was. It wasn’t that we really thought they’d try to physically harm us, even if they could; it was the fact that they would be so disappointed.

“Actually, I want to tell them myself,” I said, leaning forward in my seat. I noticed Aaron wasn’t driving like a maniac now, and I wondered if it was because he was also not in a hurry to face Liz and Eli.

Cadence turned her head and raised her eyebrows at me. “Say what?”

“I need to take responsibility for what I did,” I replied, sighing. “If Mom and Dad think this is all your fault, then I won’t be able to do that.”

She glanced at Aaron, who was definitely staying out of his one, and then turned back to me. “If you’re sure….”

“I’m sure.”

We made the rest of the trip in relative silence, though I did notice when the airplane we’d just vacated flew overhead. I also felt bad that my sister would be forced to ride back to KC in a car now since she didn’t want to make the rest of the team wait on her and Aaron. She’d already be back at headquarters planning how to get Gibbon if it wasn’t for me. Maybe they would’ve even been able to get Gibbon if they hadn’t all been worried about me. Jamie got pulled off of that hunt to save my sorry booty. He might’ve gotten the serial killer turned Vampire singlehandedly if he’d been there.

Instead, he was administering the Transformation serum a full year too early to someone who’d gotten herself scratched by a Vampire because she couldn’t stay where she was supposed to. And that would be me.