Chapter 17: I care

*Disclaimer, this chapter may be upsetting for some readers. If you are suffering from depression, anxiety or any mental illness disorder, seek consultation in a trusted adult, family member or therapist and get the help you need.*

Leila's POV

I slipped my hand into my pocket and clenched my fist tightly as I slipped into the student's hall. It was crowded tonight and I prayed to God that none of my friends were here. I just wanted to get to my room and never come out.

With a huff, I began walking down the hallway towards the elevator but before I could someone latched onto my hand tucked into my pocket and yanked me backwards. I cried in pain and snapped my head towards the person as I willed myself to not cry.

"Oh my god, oh my god, Leila, look!" Sam squealed excitedly, her grip tightening on my arm.

"W-what?!" I hissed through gritted teeth. She motioned towards the student's lounge and my eyes immediately fell onto Midge and Damien making out.

"Okay, so what!" I yelled and she turned towards me, not realizing the look of frustration and pain on my face as she squealed, "I think they're finally official! Can you believe it!" She exclaimed as she tugged my hand out of pocket.

Pain struck through my arm and I cried out as I ripped it from her grip harshly. She stared down at me in confusion as I hugged my arm to my chest and tumbled backwards, "I-I have to go." I whispered and she frowned deeply as her eyes assessed my face, "Leila, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I promise. I'm just tired and annoyed, I need to go rest, I've had a hard day." I chuckled softly and before she could retaliate I pivoted on my heels just as the elevator doors slid open.

I rushed inside and slammed my hand against my floor number before leaning against the wall as I willed myself not to cry.

When I got to my floor I slipped out and sauntered towards my dorm. I frantically unlocked it and rushed inside before slamming the door shut behind me.

And then I sobbed loudly as I tumbled towards my bed and slumped down onto it as my eyes slid towards my hand which burnt as if I had stuck it under a furnace.

I cried because I realized that my mother will never want me. Reese will never love me as I love him again and I was alone. I may have friends, I may have Blake but they don't understand me. From what I can see right now the only thing we all have in common is the fact that we're all traumatized from the shooting.

Nothing else.

I froze when the knob of the door suddenly began to turn and before I could run into the bathroom the door creaked open.

Blake appeared before me and almost as if he could smell something off, he snapped his head towards me, narrowed his eyes and slammed the door shut. "What's wrong?" He asked and I flickered my eyes shut as I chuckled softly in disbelief.

I hate how he always knows something is wrong with me. It's sweet and yet it's annoying as hell.

"Nothing, just leave me alone." I croaked out.

Silence enveloped us and when I realized he would not stop staring I shifted my arm away from his view but it didn't go unnoticed as I hissed in pain. "What's wrong with your arm?" He asked and I rolled my eyes as a tear trickled down my cheek.

"Nothing, Blake. Just leave me be!" I snapped and he scoffed before strolling towards me.

I crawled away from him until my back was pressed up against the wall and I had nowhere to escape. He sat down before me, his eyes narrowed to slits as they slid towards my arm, "give it to me." He demanded and I shook my head vigorously as a sob escaped my lips.

"J-just leave me alone!" I whimpered and he outstretched a hand towards me before gently grabbing my other arm and bringing it towards him. I tried to pull my arm away from him but I was in too much pain, I couldn't fight him off.

Silence enveloped us as he peeled my hand from my arm.

"Leila. . ."

"Leave me alone Blake, why can't you see I don't want you n-near me!" I sobbed as I tried to tug my arm out of his grip. He held down onto it, gently so that he wouldn't hurt me but firmly enough so that I couldn't escape.

"Why would you do this?" He whispered and I could have sworn I heard a crack in his voice as his eyes flickered towards mine.

"Leave me alone."

"Leila, why would you hurt yourself like this?"He exclaimed angrily and I flinched at the pain evident in his eyes as they flickered from my arm to my face and then my arm again in pure disbelief.

"BECAUSE! I-I don't know. . .no one-no one loves me, Blake! No one c-cares about me anymore. I'm all alone on this earth, I have no one! Not my brother, m-my dad, my. . .my m-mom, not Reese. I'm alone," I cried out as my head lolled backwards, another sob racking through my body as I gasped for air.

"Why would you say that?" He whispered, disbelief still evident in his voice as his eyes bore into mine.

"Because my parents hate me for getting my b-brother killed! Reese do-doesn't even c-care about me anymore! He doesn't- they don't love me anymore. Can't you see I-I'm alone? Can't you s-see that no one g-gives a damn about me, Blake?!"

He flickered his eyes shut and shook his head lightly before they snapped open and peered into mine deeply. His blue orbs were swimming in pain, guilt, fear and anger. But mostly pain. And then he whispered softly, "I care about you."

Silence enveloped us as I stared into his eyes and for a moment I was lost in the pain, both within me and in his eyes.

"I care about you, Leila and I don't wanna see you hurt. . .especially when you're hurting yourself. Please don't say no one cares about you because your friends do–I–I do," he exclaimed and I remained silent as I continued peering into his eyes.

Could I have inflicted this much pain onto someone I barely knew second-handly?

Did he really care about me? Not like teacher-student type care but as a friend?

"Come here." He said as he tugged at my other hand. Silently, I slid off the bed beside him and he tugged me towards the bathroom. When we made it inside he motioned towards the toilet and mumbled for me to sit down.

I lowered myself down onto the toilet bowl and peered at up at him as he rummaged through the cabinet frantically. When he found what he was looking for he lowered himself down beside me and opened up the first aid kit. "How long?" he suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

"How long have you been hurting yourself, Leila?" I could tell that the words struggled to get out as he spoke and I lowered my head as tears once again began to trickle down my cheeks, "when my mom left."

"When was that?"

"Three years ago," I mumbled. He didn't respond and suddenly poured hydrogen peroxide onto my arm. I hissed in pain and grabbed onto the seat before squeezing it tightly.

"What?" I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes as I flickered my eyes down towards Blake who began rubbing something onto my arm.

"I know that this is easier said than done but please stop hurting yourself. You may not know it yet but you still have people who love you. I love you, Leila, as my roommate, as a friend, as your professor. And it hurts to see someone I love hurt themselves. . .so stop because you're not alone," he said as he finished wrapping up my arm.

"Okay," I mumbled, not really knowing what to say because I was embarrassed, angry, sad. "No, It's not just okay. You have to promise me that you'll never ever do it again. Leila, I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere," he said as he closed the kit.

"I know." I sobbed as I slid off the toilet seat and fell into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his chest as he hugged me tightly. He was whispering sweet nothings into my ears as I cried, as I gasped for air and clutched onto his shirt like my life depended on it.

I didn't know how long we remained that way but I had stopped sobbing. Yet tears still trickled down my eyes and I hiccuped ever so often. I never let go, I never removed my arms from around him because for some reason I felt safe.

My eyes grew heavy as we remained this way. I listened to his rapid heartbeats, to the steady breaths he took, to his soothing voice and they all willed me to close my eyes and let the darkness consume me.

As I slipped into slumber, I could hear him say;

"I really do care."

~~~

"You little–you made this happen! It was all you!" She screamed loudly as she pelted bottles towards me. I watched in horror as the bottle shattered against the wall and I snapped my head towards her.

"Mom, stop, please stop!"

"Stop! What the hell are you doing?!" Dad shouted as he lunged towards my mother. I widened my eyes in shock and shook my head frantically as they began to fight, "mom, dad, please stop!"

He snapped his head towards me and narrowed his eyes, "go to your room now!"

I pivoted on my heels and raced up the stairs towards my room. I slammed the door shut behind me and toppled towards my bed. "It's okay Leila." Kyle's mumbled soothingly.

"Y–you're here!? But I thought you died." I mumbled softly into the dark. He emerged from the darkness suddenly and I screamed loudly as blood trailed down the bullet hole in his head.

"You did this to me, Leila. It was your fault." He chanted as his eyes turned white and blood trickled down from his empty sockets and down his ashy cheeks.

I shook my head vigorously and flickered my eyes shut.

"You did this Leila. It was your fault," he chanted again and again and I sobbed loudly as I shook my head to the point where I feared my head would snap off. "No, No it wasn't my fault, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't my fault."

"Leila it was your fault!"

"No!"

I lunged upwards and gasped as darkness enveloped my vision. Beads of sweat trickled down my cheek profusely and I found myself gasping for air as my eyes searched the room frantically.

"Leila, are you okay?" Blake mumbled as he sauntered towards me. I shook my head vigorously and tugged at my damp hair as a sob escaped my lips, "no." I croaked out and he slid onto my bed before crawling towards me hesitantly.

"Come here." He said as he widened his arms and I quickly slid into them. I laid my head against his chest and flickered my eyes shut, willing myself to not cry again. I can't start crying again because I won't stop. "Please stay," I whispered and he sighed deeply.

"I'm here, Leila," He whispered as he draped the sheets over me. "I'll never leave you, if I can't handle it then why do it?" He said.

"What do you mean?" I mumbled and he flickered his eyes towards me, "sleep, please." He said and without a rebuttal, I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

I wish I could sleep for my whole life and never wake up. In this miserable world where I'm depressed and feel like no one will ever love me or care about me.

But this time it was proven wrong. If I was taught anything tonight it's that I did have people who cared about me. And now I had someone even more special in my life. . .

And his name is Blake Kingston.