CHAPTER ONE — DROWNED HOPES.

Chapter One.

DROWNED HOPES.

Alaric's POV.

“Sweetheart,” I called, unbuttoning the top button of my shirt as I stepped in. “I am home. Where are—”

The rest of the words died in my throat as I noticed a figure approaching me with a long face. As my gaze fell upon her, my heart seemed to turn over. She needn't say the words to me; it was obvious that the IVF failed again.

But what could be possibly wrong? It was the eight IVF we've tried in twelve solid years and yet, nothing. The doctors have said that we're medically okay but still, there's nothing. Nothing at all to show for it. Not even a miscarriage. At least, she should be able to get pregnant even if it would end up in a miscarriage, but she hasn't even gotten pregnant yet.

Staring at her, I knew how painful it was. She couldn't even look me in the eye. Perhaps, she thought that she'd failed me once again, which was quite true, but I could only imagine the pain that she would have experienced when the result came out.

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat, pressing a fist to my mouth as I broke the silence. “How did it go?”

I asked, even though I knew the answer in my heart.

“Really?” she asked, something in between a laugh and sob escaped her throat. “Do you really have to ask that? I mean, isn't it obvious that it was a failure? Or do I need to say the words? Alright then, I will. It failed.”

I really didn't mean it that way. I just… I don't know. If anything, I was as frustrated as she was. I'm not getting any younger. All things being equal, I should have my third child by now. However, I don't even have one and there's no hope that I will even get any in my lifetime. I don't think that's something that I should be happy about.

“Sweetheart,” I called, with an apologetic look in my eyes as took some steps towards her.

As I got to where she stood, I framed her face with my hands and stared into her eyes.

“We will keep trying dear,” I added, my voice husky but subdued. “No matter how long it takes, we will keep trying until we get a child of our own.”

“You aren't getting any younger.” she said, her eyes suddenly moist with tears as she lifted them to me. “And neither am I getting any younger. We've been together for the past twelve years and still, there's nothing.”

“Hey, you don't have to speak that way.” I said, trying to steady my voice with a slight shake of my head. “Like I said, we will keep trying. Someday, hopefully luck will fall on our side, and we'll get our own child.”

“You know, you don't really have to act like it's fine.” she said, speaking through the sob that seemed to strangle her throat. “I know that you're just trying to hold up. But you don't have to hide your pains from me. If it hurts then you should say so.”

Of course, it does. It hurts like hell, and it feels like I'm about to lose my mind. While at work, as I was preparing to leave for home, Kai called, telling me that his wife had just been confirmed pregnant for his second child. Do you know how I felt when I heard the news? Although, I was happy for him but thinking that my wife is yet to feel dizzy let alone get pregnant for me, made it seem like I was a failure already.

But whose fault is it? Mine? Or hers? I can't really say because the doctors said that we're both medically okay, except there's something they aren't telling us which I don't want to believe. I mean, Phillips has been my doctor since time immemorial, and he would know better than to toy with my feelings especially with something as important as this.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked, with a shrug of my shoulder as my eyes shone with unshed tears. “Do you want me to blame you? Or us for what's happening? It's neither your fault nor mine that we don't have children yet.”

“I know, but that look—” she paused, swallowing the lump that seemed to strangle her throat. “That look in your eyes, it makes me feel like I'm tormenting you. You don't deserve this.”

“And neither do you.” I said, with ice in my voice. “Neither of us deserves this but like I said earlier, we'll find a way around it.”

“Sweetheart…” she called, her voice husky with tears.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked, speaking through my teeth with forced restraint. “We have been over this countless times and I've told you. So no matter how many times you ask that question, my answer will remain the same. I'm not going to reconsider it.”

“That isn't what I had in mind to say.” she said, forcing a smile through her tears. “Besides, you have made your point clear. But, this isn't about you. It's about me. I am just scared that you'll leave me for someone else.”

“That isn't going to happen.” I said, shaking my head. “I am staying right here with you because we are in this together. I'm not going anywhere.”

“Are you so certain about that?” she asked, lifting a hand as she touched my face. “What if I never give you a child let alone a son, would you still stay with me?”

She really didn't have to make it that difficult, did she? I haven't even thought that far yet. If anything, I hadn't considered the possibility of growing old with her without a son or a child to call our own. And I don't think I want to think that far yet. Like I said, we'll keep trying till we get what we want. But if it turns out that we don't get a child in the end, then I don't know.

“I think I need to get some air.” I said, dropping my hands as well as my gaze from her face. “I will be back soon dear.”

I'd barely made a turn when she gripped my arm and held me back.

“Are you alright?” she asked, her voice laced with concern as her eyes burned with tears. “You haven't had anything to eat yet. Wait, I'll quickly bring your meal to you.”

After saying those words, she turned around to do as she had said. I, on the other hand, didn't think I wanted to eat. If there was something that I wanted, then it would be to clear my head.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting another failed IVF; I really had my hopes on this one, believing that it would turn out positive, but I guess it is what it is. However, I'm only sorry that she would return to meet with my absence.

After staring in the direction which she went through, I dropped my gaze and then stepped out of the house. I had no particular place in mind to go, but I knew that I just couldn't stay in that house with the way I was feeling else I would erupt like a volcano. Knowing how much it would hurt her, it was best to avoid such.

Buried in my thoughts, I plodded down the sidewalk on the street of New York, oblivious to my surroundings. Suddenly, I bumped into a lady. I could have sworn that the scent of her cologne was familiar but then, every lady in New York wanted to wear the best cologne. Nonetheless, I turned to apologize to her for my mistake and she did too. However, as I set my gaze on her, a flash of recognition lighted my eyes.

“I know you.” I said.

“Pardon?” — the word leapt of her lips as a look of confusion seemed to mask her face.

“Valerie?”