7. Austin

"I have not had a date in about a century, are you sure I look quite alright... Mrs. Brown." I asked one of our oldest housekeepers, she had been there when I was born, when I went off to boarding school, upon my return. She had always been there. I could not recall a moment in my life where she had not been present. I had respect for my mother and Mrs. Brown. They were very close to my heart. Mrs. Brown gave me a soft smile... "You look handsome as always Master Austin."

"What happened to calling me your dear Austin?" I teased.

"You're a grown man now."

"I still want to be called 'my dear Austin'..." I gave her a pout.

"Ohhh I know that pout, caused me grief when you were a little boy. You were a big crier, such a big baby." She chuckled reminiscing. I appreciated my mother but I knew all too well that all she did was give birth and hand the child to Mrs. Brown to take care of. My mother had her good night's sleep while Mrs. Brown did all her motherly duties. My mother could not recall any of my gestures as a baby or a toddler or—

Basically everything.

I turned to give Mrs. Brown a hug. Noticing her greying hairs, I did not want her overworking around the house. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed Merrigold standing in her corner seeming as if she had seen a ghost. I suppose, I could be a nice person if I wanted to. I did not take my eyes off her, for some reason I could not find it within me to look away.

"Mrs. Brown, I have been looking for you. Suppose I could return another time." She said.

"Not at all child, I will be there in a bit. I'm still having a word with this young man." Mrs. Brown replied, with that Merrigold took her leave from the kitchen. I did not want her to leave, a nagging feeling to bother her consumed me. A nagging feeling to be a pain in the neck and cause her annoyance. I craved her attention, something I would never admit. I knew all too well this was sexual need exhausting me, as soon as I had been with her. She would mean nothing to me. Lust was an unsettling feeling.

"Austin..." Mrs. Brown interrupted my thoughts. Clearing her thoughts she let out a sigh. "Try and actually give this Harriet girl a try. I fear for you, Merrigold will ruin you. For your own good, stir away from her."

I chuckled a bit perplexed. "She will ruin me?" I could not think of anything funnier than that.

"Everyone is in a good place, let's not ruin it with unnecessary mismatch. She is an amazing girl but not for you. You're a good man but not for her. This will not end well. I saw the way you looked at her, I could not help but see your infatuation for her threatening to turn you into a caveman."

"That is ridiculous.." I said softly looking down at my floor.

"Be careful." She said lastly before turning away. I let out a heavy breath as soon as she was out of sight. I did not feel in control of my own emotions and that bothered me. I had always been closed off but here I was distraught with affliction. Moreso I felt disgusted with my behavior, taking advantage of her brother's wife had been taking it a little far off. I could not even bring myself to a climax. After Merrigold had seen it, I was quick to buckle up my pants.

I respected, Mrs. Brown enough to listen to her. I had never been a firm believer of marriage or monogamy. Perhaps that was the problem, the edge to have children had never been something I felt strongly about either. I was conflicted with various aspects and that had never been the case.

—

She was beautiful, innocent and everything I yearned for in general. My sister has been correct just this once. I could definitely see myself entertaining her for a little while. Harriet thought my banters were funny, she had complimented my smile and eyes. We had taken a walk down the garden after supper with my sister and her husband. She was quick to hold my hand, I did not move away. It had been a long while since I had been involved with a woman atleast not sexually. Harriet has not been the boring woman that I had assumed she would be as described by her name. She was well off and from a good family. My mother would certainly rejoice if I entertained this any further. I had not made any advances towards her. I did not feel any sexual need with just a glimpse of an eye. The thought of Merrigold that negro had me groaning with need like an animal. I came to the conclusion Merrigold entertained me because I loved the danger. I loved the feeling of going for what I'm not allowed to have by society or by her having her heart promised to another man. I'd have Merrigold, I'd have her accommodate my manhood in her most sacred niche. I'd have Merrigold begging for me to touch her. I'd have her, that was it. I'd have her even if it was the last thing, I do. I had forced myself on many women but I would make this a fair game. Merrigold would beg for me. She would lay back on my bed and invite me in with wide open legs. Just this once Mrs. Brown would have to forgive me. I'd have her just this once then forget about her. Harriet seemed like a great girl that I'd be happy to entertain for now. Her being a virgin did not excite me as much as it did with knowing about Merrigold. From Harriet's body language, I was sure if I asked or flicked on her lower region she would let me in.

All in all, if I wanted to entertain the thought of marriage. I knew all too well based on society and my needs Harriet was wife material and Merrigold made a perfect mistress.

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