3. Merrigold

We had promised each other to abstain. To save ourselves until the right moment. Thomas was very understanding, he never rushed me into anything that I did not quite comfortable with. I had always known of Austin Cunningham but with him being eight years older than me, he had already been off to boarding school. On holidays he preferred to visit their umpteen family all over Europe and the West. I suppose I could say, I had never stumbled upon him. For a while, I noted that he was the black sheep. His brother was kind and respectful so was his sisters, like their very religious parents. They treated us fairly as human beings, they gave us a little dignity and Mrs Cunningham loved to occupy herself with bible classes where she discreetly taught us as kids around the ranch how to read, some simple mathematics here and there. She would always whisper that we had to pretend we were reading our bibles and that there was no other activity taking place other than that. Selfless and kind, I failed to understand why Austin had turned out to be a heartless brick.

"Thomas..." I moaned inbetween the kisses. We were both inexperienced and a bit sloppy, I loved knowing that I could make him feel a certain way. Thanking the heavens that this time we were alone in the privacy of his not perfect but comfortable bed at the commune. With my hand going down his chest, I felt a tad bit nervous but what could go wrong? "I want us to do it."

Thomas immediately came to a halt. "I'm not ready to be a father Merri..." he said softly putting my hand away from his chest. I frowned, trying to convince him that there was no waiting. I did not at all have a good feeling about the man that awaited back in that lavish mansion out front. Often times, I found his eyes drooling with lust. I found his eyes roaming where they weren't suppose to. Perhaps I was judging him way too early, perhaps as I'd get to know him, he would be lenient and as kinder as his parents. Undeniably my gut told me, what was the reason for saving myself just so a white man could rape me. His eyes pealed violence in there, the way he spoke to me made me feel like prey. He was simply waiting for the day. It scared me to death, I'd not worry my brother or Thomas. I could handle being alone in the same household with Austin, I was being paranoid. Perhaps he would be more disgusted than lusting.

"Merri, I assumed we had agreed on waiting... your brother promised he would kill me if I did not follow.." Thomas interrupted my thoughts.

"You won't be a father Thomas, how will you know if you have never tried it."

"It is still a sin, I plan on marrying you first and I respect God's wishes. Sex is for bearing children not for our own pleasures that is the devil trying to delude us from the word of God just like Adam and Eve, the snake—"

"Thomas—" I groaned.

"Merri, I love you with everything I have. I'd never want to put us in danger because of stupidity. I'd love for you to bear our kids but not in this manor.."

"What if I got manhandled?"

"Manhandled by who?"

"Men... Austin!"

"Merri!!" Thomas immediately said with a a skeptical look on his face. "He would not, he is just as nice as his family. He is after all a Cunningham. I have been working with him daily at the ranch finding him a new horse. He even invited me to sit down with him for tea, he asked about me, you—" Thomas paused. "We did talk quite enough about you but it was all because of the stunt you pulled the other day. He has forgiven you."

"Thomas... what did you tell him about me?" I quickly asked. I loved this man with all my heart because of his kind nature and always thinking the best of everyone but it seemed all people did was take advantage of him. Thomas was the epitome of 'too nice' whoever needed help, Thomas would be there working his arse off ever after dawn. He was selfless, read his bible often, respectful in every manor possible and I know he loves me more than any other. His personality was a pro and con at the same time.

"Your interests, the type of person you're, your brother, how you came to the ranch as a little girl...I reckon he wants to be friends with us." Thomas smiled, I felt sick to my stomach. Friends with us? With me? Friends with Negroes? Thomas was naive. With the manner he has been treating me in his presence. Perhaps he only like Thomas, or men. It made my head hurt, what was this man up to... digging stuff about me, befriending my lover—

"I know what you're thinking..." Thomas added with a sigh. "As much as I love you my dear, we truly can not. I love you but we need to respect God's will."

"Thomas, what if we're practicing for the right time then?"

"It should be spontaneous, there would be no need for practice." He smiled giving me kisses all over my face. "My sweet sweet Virgin Merri." I could not help but smile. Thomas was so pure, too pure.

"I will accompany you home, I will be sleeping at the ranch tonight..." he said excitedly. "Misty might bear a pony this evening or early morning. I do not know but I'm expecting it. She has been unbearable lately."

I gave him a smile. Only Thomas was this enthusiastic about a job that was forced on him. A job that others would much rather starve than do. Only he seemed passionate—

"I want you to name this pony.." He said.

"I can't think of any names..."

"Master Austin and I have already picked out a name when I informed him earlier."

"Really?"

"Ofcourse sweetness. We decided the pony would be called Merrigold."

I felt sick to my stomach.

"Austin—"

"Merri refrain from calling him by his personal name. I would not want him laying a hand on you again." He advised softly caressing my cheek.

"I meant to ask he suggested my name for what reason?"

"He has been wanting a horse, with no luck. I'd advise he take a temporary horse as we raise a pony to be the strong built stallion that he wants."

But with my name? What was the meaning of that. Thomas did not seem to get the point.

Flustered, I feared even going back with what I knew now.

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