03

As I replace the sheets on the bed, I notice my hands are shaking. I clasp them together to get them to stop. The adrenaline is still coursing through my veins, my heart still beating so fast. I can’t stop thinking about what just happened. I can’t stop thinking about him.

He’s a porn star. A famous porn star. He’s so good at fucking, people pay him just to watch. That may seem odd to other people, but considering my own questionable sexual background, I was in no place to judge him.

It isn’t fair to think that a woman in touch with her sexuality is somehow a whore while men get celebrated for doing the same, but I dealt with the stereotype frequently. I enjoyed having sex, and while I wasn’t having it – like for the last six months – I enjoyed watching people have sex. After being called a slut one too many times, I learned to keep my sexuality to myself, but that didn’t mean I was going to deny it was a part of me.

When I started college, it was quite the … experience. Most people were there under the guise of higher education, but still packed full of hormones and excited to test the limits of their newfound freedom. Oh, but college boys. They might be cute, but Jesus Christ are they worthless.

The problem with college boys is that they are boys. Boys will say anything you want to hear to be able to get between your legs, only for them to do a horrible job and leave you nothing but frustrated. They don’t know how to please a woman, because they don’t know the first thing about us. For that reason alone, I stopped sleeping with boys and started sleeping with men.

Mickey Vale was a work of art, both in physicality and personality. I’ve watched him for years, literally since freshman year of undergrad, and still continue to be impressed. I haven’t seen one scene with him in it that seemed like he didn’t respect the woman he was with, or where he looked like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing while he was with her. Mickey was a man, and meeting him in person did nothing but confirm that for me.

I lost count of the number of times I imagined what it would be like to be underneath him, how many times I closed my eyes and pictured him rather than the person I was with. I wanted him. Or at least someone like him. Yet, I had a chance to have him for real, and I said no. How stupid am I ? Seriously.

I realize my breathing is labored, and I sit on the bed to collect myself.

I pull out my phone and open Tumblr. I scroll until I find his nude gif from before, then click on his profile. I scroll through his posts, watching his incredible body move, feeling my body come alive in response, only to feel the deepest sense of regret directly after.

I wanted him. Bad. But if we got caught, I would be fired in a heartbeat. 15 minutes was not worth my financial security.

But was 15 minutes with Mickey Vale worth it ?

I shake off the heady mixture of arousal and remorse. I put my phone away with a heavy sigh. My eyes scan the empty room as I try to reacquaint myself with my reality. Back to work.

I shake out the sheet, smoothing, folding, and tucking it with furious speed. I replace the pillowcases, pressing them against the mattress to slip the clean cases on easier. When I go to grab the comforter, my hands grip the handles of my cart and won’t let go. My skin crawls and I start to feel nauseous. I know I’m about to make a huge mistake.

I have to do this, I think to myself. If I don’t, I’ll regret it the rest of my life.

♡♡♡

I stand outside his room and stare at the door hesitantly. My hands quiver again, and my breathing is quick, but I know this is what I want. I knock on the door lightly.

I wait for what seems like a minute. I think of fleeing just before the door opens. Mickey looks a bit surprised to see me at first, but then a smile slowly spreads across his face. « Hi, » he says, leaning his other hand on the doorframe.

« Hi, » I say back. He stares at me, waiting for me to say something else. « Um. I … » I take a steadying breath and try to collect my thoughts. « I don’t like having regrets. » He keeps smiling, but says nothing, obviously enjoying his little game. « So … if it’s possible, I’d like to change my previous response. »

He looks me up and down for a moment, still smiling lazily. Then he steps to the side to let me in.

I take a few steps inside the room. My heart beats nervously when he closes the door behind us. He stares at me happily, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. He intimidates me so much, something very few men have ever been able to do.

« I’m glad you changed your mind, » he says softly as he steps towards me.

« Yeah, me too. » I watch as he runs his hands slowly over my arms and shoulders. When he slides his hands up to my neck, I close my eyes and my breath hitches.

« You seem nervous, » he says quietly as he traces my jawline with his fingertips.

I look him in the eyes and shake my head. « No, just … excited. » He smiles.

He pulls my face to his. He touches my tongue briefly with his, before sucking my lips gently. I lose myself to his touch, his taste. After a few moments, he unzips my dress, peeling it off me slowly before tossing it onto the chair beside us. He looks me in the eyes as he deftly unfastens my bra, letting it drop to the floor. He places both hands against my breasts, weighing them in his palms as he looks at me hungrily. He kisses me again, sliding his tongue over mine before nipping my lips with his as he leans away.

« Do you have any hard limits ? » he asks.

« Um, » I say, but get horribly distracted when he unties the belt at his waist, letting the robe drop to the floor. His body is ridiculous and completely hairless. His beautiful penis twitches when I look at it. « No ? Maybe. I’m not sure. » My brain has stopped working.

« I wasn’t going to do anything crazy. How about I just ask as we go ? »

I nod as he pulls my panties down my legs, leaving me in just my garter belt and stockings. He stands and presses me to him as he runs his hands over my exposed body. He takes my hand in his and guides it over his chest and abs.

« You can touch me wherever you want, » he says.

Wherever I want ? That sounds nice. « I can ? »

He chuckles. « Yes. » I nod, taking advantage. I nibble my lip as I slide my hands over the taut, smooth skin of his stomach, back, and eventually, his ass. I stifle a moan as his penis throbs against my stomach. « And I hope you don’t mind, but I have to wear a condom at all times. It’s a legal requirement. »