03

« Oh, jeez ! Where are my manners ? I’m Rachel Miller, » she said with a sugary laugh, daintily extending a hand to Stellan. « Sorry, I just didn’t expect to see you here. You’re not usually at parties like this. It’s a bit rowdier than what you’re probably used to. »

Rachel flashed him a sheepish smile as if she was almost embarrassed to be caught here. I was tempted to remind her that she had a hand in planning this party.

« If it’s too trashy for you, you know where the door is, » I said curtly because I hated a two-faced attitude regardless of who it came from.

I turned to Stellan, smiling this time although it was several degrees cooler. « You’re welcome to stay and enjoy the party if it doesn’t crimp your style too much. If Rachel decides to stick around, I’m sure she’d be happy to be your guide. She knows everyone here and every bit of scandal they’re infamous for. Might be educational. »

Stellan’s eyes flickered with remorse and I was tempted to maybe step back and give the guy a chance.

He didn’t say anything I haven’t heard before. And I went to that point first.

You’re just crushed that he doesn’t think of you any differently than the rest of them do.

It was a stern reminder to stick to what always worked for me. Majority of the people I’ve known in my life were people I would’ve rather not met in the first place. The experience made me constantly suspicious of people. Everyone tended to be a little selfish. A little judgemental. I’d be the first to admit that I definitely am. So I always stood back just enough to be out of the way—not because I was afraid of a swipe from anyone but because there was no telling how far I’d go to hit back.

Was it sad ?

Maybe.

Did it keep me safe ?

Mostly.

Did it keep everyone alive and me out of prison ?

Absolutely.

So let’s keep that going.

« I want to apologize, » Stellan said firmly, ignoring Rachel who had practically inserted herself in the mere foot of space that separated him from me. « I didn’t mean to imply what I did with my thoughtless comment. »

The fact that my heart sped up at the sincerity I recognized in his voice raised all my internal alarms.

Stellan Cartwright had what I thought no man could ever have—power over me.

I instantly sensed it in the warmth that softened the steel in my heart. It was in the sudden and outrageous need to stay there and listen to him explain and hear what I would only ever call bullshit coming from someone else. I should’ve known it from the moment I caught his gaze and forgot that I was seconds away from jumping into the water.

« Apology accepted, » I said pertly because I needed a quick escape. « Stay if you’d like but maybe leave before the cops arrive. Knowing my neighbors, you’re looking about an hour to an hour and a half tops. »

Something in Stellan’s face told me he didn’t quite buy the easy out I gave him and he opened his mouth to speak. But Rachel intervened.

« Kady’s right which means you don’t have a second to lose, » she said, looping her arm through Stellan’s as if they were suddenly the best of friends. « Come on. Let’s go get you a drink and show you around. »

I studied the woman most people would consider my friend. I didn’t but Rachel could be found in my group often enough to make everyone think so. I didn’t mind her most days when she wasn’t preening around rich and famous people but that was far and few between because the reality of it was, Rachel was only in my orbit because of those people. She’d surfaced at a party from the not too distant past and had stuck around since then. Not that I asked but she said she was from some real estate development family who’d moved from the east coast and she wanted to meet new people. Seeing no problem with that, I introduced her to everyone I knew around here—from artists to models to the cook at the diner which makes my favorite omelette ever. But it didn’t take long before I realized the kind of people she was really interested in. After that, I decided I could take her or leave her.

Maybe now that ambiguity was going to cost me because she had her claws ready to sink into Stellan.

And you’re going to let her.

There were a couple of reasons.

Stellan was an adult and perfectly capable of deciding for himself. Besides, I hate pushing people the way I hate being pushed by others.

Also, it was safer this way.

Safer for all of us.

If Stellan is really as smart as everyone says he is, he would figure out Rachel’s modus. She may not have the purest of intentions but she wouldn’t cause him as much emotional havoc as someone else might. And if he was fine playing along with her game then Rachel would be better off for a little while. Despite that momentary friction we had tonight, Stellan was still a far superior human being compared to some of the douchebags I’ve seen her go out with. That means I wouldn’t have to kill somebody because as indifferent as I could often be with Rachel, I forgave no man who’d mistreat a woman.

And as for me…

Well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have to unravel for a man.

Not even Stellan Cartwright.

Especially Stellan Cartwright.

I’ve met my share of men the world needed to be wary of.

But tonight was the first time I’ve met a man who was truly dangerous to me.

I wasn’t known to be a wimp so even though my heart was rattling frantically in my chest, I tore my gaze away from Rachel and gazed directly into the dark brown eyes I suspected had been locked in on me this whole time.

« Go. Have fun, » I told him. « I’ll check in with some people if anyone’s seen Max and I’ll let you know if I have anything useful. »

My cheerful tone didn’t conceal the finality of my statement and the way Stellan’s shoulders lowered in resignation meant he saw the line I’d just drawn between us.

« Alright, » he said, his smile polite but reserved this time. « I appreciate it. »

« See you later, Kady, » Rachel chirped before quickly steering Stellan around. She glanced over her shoulder at me and winked like she maybe thought we were fifteen or something. The woman was three years older than me.

I didn’t stand around to watch them walk away.

I have my rare selfless moments but this isn’t one of them.

In fact, this ranks high among my most selfish ones.

Because this is how most of us survive this world with the least amount of damage—a little selfishness.

A year later…

At twenty-two, I shouldn’t feel old but as I sat there in the cozy VIP room of a dark, smoke-filled club surrounded by drunk and disorderly people, old was all I felt.

Maybe it was finally time to ditch the crazy birthday parties.

Maybe next year, I should turn twenty-three at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro or underwater, swimming with dolphins. Somewhere where I didn’t have to sit and smile and put up with people who came just to be seen or try to get into my pants.

Like this guy.

« So. I heard the famous Kady Lynn Jones is celebrating her birthday, » he said as he came up the steps to our elevated and corded off area, holding two drinks and tailed by a couple of his buddies. He was cute and practically busting out of his extra-tight shirt. « I’m Brax Lewis. Thought I’d buy you a drink, babe. »

Dude. Just no.