Chapter One

You couldn't understand why it was so difficult.

Sitting by the windowsill of your hotel room, you looked down at the city you once called home; your favorite acoustic guitar tucked in your arm, a pencil held loosely on your right hand, and a whole bunch of crumpled papers lay cluttered all over the carpeted floors.

You sighed heavily before taking a sip of your coffee, thinking of your schedule packed with interviews, both for print and broadcast for the rest of the week here in Seoul. Being an international artist who just came back home? It was sure to be a big deal and just like your publicist had said, you were in demand. The South Korean press simply wanted to get the details of your life abroad, how you came to be Jane Lou, singer-songwriter who just got nominated for a Grammy for Best New Artist.

Or they’re probably just after the "good stuff", you thought amusedly, knowing well that the press is only after one thing: and that’s the juicy details of your private life.

Well, they're never going to find out, you thought. They’re never going to know, not if the life you once lived remained tucked at the very back of your consciousness; untouched. Some things were better hidden, others.... forgotten.

You wrote the words down on paper the moment the thought came, hoping it can be useful to the song you're trying to write.

Emphasis on trying.

You haven't written a single song in the past month and it drove you crazy. Songwriting was something that came naturally to you and though you had writer's block from time to time, you never felt as hopeless as you were feeling right now. You couldn’t help but think how it all started when you received the news from your manager that you would be doing an Asian tour, and Seoul would be the grand opener. The nerves kicking in not because you were scared of singing in front of a huge crowd…but the thought of someone being in that crowd.

Or I’m probably just jet-lagged, you pushed the former thought away as you ripped another piece of paper, crumpled it, and threw it across the room with a groan.

Although in the back of your head, you knew you were only lying to yourself. You knew exactly what was wrong and as you looked out the window of your hotel room, seeing the familiar streets of Seoul, you found yourself going back… way back when you thought everything was possible—perfect, even.

-- Flashback - Five Years Ago --

You hated winter.

It's that time of year when you wished you could just bury yourself and hibernate somewhere as the season passed. You were never fond of the cold, never liked the feeling of it against your skin, almost like a several needles were poking through it. You also didn't like the way your nose felt numb and runny, or the way your arms always got goose bumps whenever the cold wind whips by no matter how thick the coat you put on.

You were sitting at a table in a café downtown, wearing a pale blue parka over a plain white sweater. A notepad lay opened in front of you, beside it was a steaming cup of coffee and your phone. Biting your lip, you tapped the pencil against your cheek, thinking of lyrics to fill the remaining lines of your new song:

~

Falling, falling, the rain kept falling

Sounding, echoing, your voice kept calling

In my head, you're all I see

In my heart is where you'll be

~

Sighing, you closed your eyes and massaged your nape before looking back down—only to look back up again as a familiar sight caught your eye.

Through the window from across the street, you saw a familiar black-haired boy was making his way towards the café. He had his hands in his coat pockets, his lips pursed in a thin line as he looked from left to right before crossing. You felt your heartbeat increasing its pace at each step, already feeling giddy at the mere sight of him. The moment he entered the cafe, the bell sounding that familiar ring, you knew your heart was done for. His eyes surveyed the place, searching. His handsome face catching a few eyes’ attention… yours and other girls' eyes, specifically.

Dating someone good looking proved to be a difficulty for some since you can't really stop people from looking. But being in a relationship with Byun Gukju, jealousy wasn’t an option because the moment his eyes met yours, you saw them sparkle, focusing solely on your direction, and you felt as if you were the only girl he was seeing in the room. No one else.

"Hey." He smiled as he kissed the crown of your head before removing his coat, and then draping it over the backrest of his chair. He saw sat down across from you, smiling in that charming way that made your knees go weak. "Sorry, I’m late. Did you wait too long?"

"Only an hour." You lied, making sure to put on an annoyed expression. You had fun teasing Guk. In truth, you had only been waiting for fifteen minutes, tops.

"Waeyo?" His eyes widened. "Really?"

"Careful, Guk," you sighed dramatically. "I might just leave you if you always keep me waiting." you said as you took a sip of your coffee to keep yourself from laughing at his panicked expression.

Guk stared at you, "You're kidding, right?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" You said as you made a face, making him groan as he covered his face.

“Damn it. I hate it when I fall for your tricks.”

“Well you fell for me anyways.”

Guk smiled, his dimple showing. “I missed you." He said as he reached for your hand from across the table and brought it to his lips. You tried not to laugh at the envious stares you caught from one of the girls on the other side of the room.

"We saw each other the other day, dork." You grinned as you booped his nose.

"Exactly. A day without you is like a year—" he said just as his eyes lit up. "Write that down. Can be good for lyrics."

You nodded then and looked at your entwined hands, “Okay, but you're gonna have to let go of me first so I can write it down."

Guk stared down at your fingers then back up at you, tightening his grip a little bit more. "Forget it."

You chuckled at your boyfriend's cuteness, wondering however did you get like this. It seemed only yesterday when you couldn't even stand being in the same room.

Guk had always been a nuisance. With his perfect looks, perfect singing, perfect everything, it was pretty hard not to get annoyed, especially when he seemed to be always showing off in your face. The two of you worked closely together in school considering that you were both in the same grade and class. You couldn't understand how but Guk always did things better than you. Being a perfectionist and one to strive for the best, you didn't like being in second place and you've always treated him as a rival.

Little did you know, Guk was only doing that to get your attention. He was never after the praises from the teachers or the popularity he gained from being the all-around Golden Boy in campus. He only ever wanted you to notice him and since you were so focused on studying, he had to find another way to get your attention. And that’s how ended up competing against you in almost everything that you do.

It drove you nuts and Guk enjoyed every bit of it. When you finally confronted him about it, you were surprised at how easily he had confessed: "I only did it so you'd notice me."

You stopped and stared at him, wondering if you heard him right. "What? Why would you— “

"Because the only way I can get you to talk to me is whenever I beat you at something." He huffed, obviously frustrated. "Seriously, Y/N. Do you have any idea how hard it is to ask you out?"

"You—" your eyes widened at his blunt assertion. Byun Gukju was actually confessing to you. The campus heartthrob and valedictorian was saying he liked you. "I—but why would you want to ask me out?" You blurted and you wanted to slap yourself for asking such a stupid question.

Guk chuckled and you noticed for the first time how cute his laugh was. "I think the answer to that is pretty obvious."

You looked down at your hands and fidgeted with your fingers, suddenly feeling shy. Your usual conversations with Guk often involved a lot of goading, teasing, and a whole lot of challenging but right now, you were left speechless. You weren’t used to this softer, sweeter, Guk. "I—"

“You?” He echoed but you remained speechless, averting your gaze and looking anywhere but at him.

"Don’t worry about it." He said after a few seconds as he took a step back. "I-I guess you don't feel the same way—"

"No!" You blurted as you took a step forward and his eyes widened in surprise. " I mean, I—I do. I like you too—"

A grin crept to Guk's lips and you felt your heart race at the teasing smile he threw your way. "Yeah?"

You nodded meekly just as he took a step forward. "So..."

"So—?" You repeated as you bit your lip, still unable to look up at him as you balanced on the balls of your feet.

"Y/N." You couldn't help but look up at the sound of your name and the moment you did, Guk was already close—so close—and he was looking down at you with his warm brown eyes, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Yeah?"

"Y/N…” he blinked, his smile softening. "Would you like to hang out sometime?”

Some girls would have swooned at the question; you, on the other hand, decided to tease him. “Like on a date? I don’t know…can you even handle it?”

He rolled his eyes. "Why do I like you?" He muttered then suddenly grabbed your hand and dragged you away without question.

"Yah!" You protested at his bold gesture. You looked down at your linked hands and gulped, his touch sending a shock wave up your arm. "I didn't even say yes."

He stopped and faced you, his gaze penetrating. "Were you going to say otherwise?"

"N-no—"

"Then just hold my hand and act like you're actually happy that we're a couple now." He smiled and you couldn't help but catch your breath at his declaration. The two of you were actually a couple right now.

"I don't need to act." You said honestly and Guk paused. The statement had literally knocked the breath out of him and he felt his heart skip a beat, something he never though was possible till now—till you. “But you’ll still have to earn the title as my boyfriend, dork.”

He chuckled then and kissed your hand. Your heart did a flip at the gesture. “Yes, mam.”

And here you were two years later, sitting on a café and looking at each other like lovesick fools, going strong as ever.

"So, why did you need to see me?" You asked as you took a sip of your coffee.

"I can't see my girlfriend because I want to?" Guk asked playfully and you rolled your eyes.

"Well you can't blame me for asking. Your text had 911 in it."

"Well, I have news." He finally said and he looked at you with bright and excited eyes. You never thought you had ever seen him this happy before. His face literally glowed and whatever he was going to say must be important.

"Okay, hit me.”

"I got spotted."

You almost choked on your drink at the news and had to grab a napkin to wipe your mouth. "You what? You did?!"

Guk nodded, "They want to see me at the studio on Monday. Play a few demos—"

"Oh my… Oh my god! Guk, that's amazing!" You smiled, squeezing both of his hand tight. "I'm so happy for you! I told you this will happen someday. Never doubted once!”

He grinned and squeezed your hand back before looking down, "Nothing's sure yet." He mused. "They might not even like my music or—"

"What are you talking about?" You scoffed. "You're amazing! You're very talented, Guk. You give yourself more credit."

He smiled at your statement then looked down at your hands as he fidgeted with your fingers. "I was wondering... If ever I get this break," he looked up at you shyly. "You'll still be with me, right? We'll still make music together?"

Your gaze softened at his question, finding it completely endearing as how he still managed to remember that the two of you were a team when it came to music; how he wanted you to tag along; and how he wanted you to be with him every step of the way towards his dreams.

"Of course." You said without a second thought and Guk grinned and held your cheeks before leaning forward and giving your forehead a kiss, sealing the deal.

--End of Flashback--