Living alone in marriage

Erica Ferguston walked down the aisle in the church toward her groom with her hand in her father’s. This was three months after they first meet when his grandma introduced them to each other. It was unbelievable how she immediately fell in love with him when she saw him. She felt like she found her missing piece of life, her soulmate. Arnold Binder, tall, handsome, rich and a true gentleman, he proposed a month ago and here they were, ready to exchange their wedding vows.

He turned his head to see her and she held her breath, he looked stunning in his black suit, her heart was beating really fast that she thought it would come out from her chest. Then she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. It surprised her, how could he be angry in their wedding day, was there something wrong. She looked around at all of their families and guests. At the groom side, there sat his parents, his grandma was weeping her tears. His siblings, four brothers and a sister were smiled happily toward her. She turned her gaze back at him and saw he was smiling at her. She smiled back and thought what she saw earlier was just her imagination, nothing was wrong, and continued walking. She did not knew how wrong she was.

The wedding party was finally over. They were in the car, waving hand to everyone through the windows, « Be happy ! » She heard her friends shouted that and she blew a kiss for them. With all the blessing, their car drove further.

They arrived at the hotel where they would spend their wedding night. He went out of car and opened her door. He brought her to his arm like any other newlywed couples and she put her arms at his neck, her chin was on his shoulder. She inhaled his scent, masculine and fresh, felt safe in his arms. He brought her in the hotel which owned by his family, all the employee welcomed them, he nodded to all of them and walked in to the lift. They stayed silent, like a single word would ruined this moment.

The lift stopped and opened. They arrived at the President Suite. Candles and roses were everywhere. She smiled but its disappeared when she felt he stiffen. He brought her to the bedroom and threw her to bed like she was a pack of garbage. This shocked her to almost dead. She brought up her eyes to look at her and saw anger in his eyes, not just a flash like before that she though was her imagination, this time it was crystal clear in his eyes. If ones eyes could killed, his would be one of them.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her, « I never love you. »

She frozen, out of all the words he would say, this never came through her mind. It made her speechless, like someone stole her voice away.

« The only reason I marry you was because grandma forced me. She threatened to disinherit me if I refuse to marry you. I don’t know how you poisoned her to think you are an innocent honest girl. In my eyes you are just a gold-digger. I almost throw up every time I pretended to be nice to you, you didn’t deserve it. But yet, she demanded me to make you thought I love you. It made me sick, but I won’t let someone like you ruined what I have worked hard my entire life. Oh, don’t pretend to be shock. I know you just want the money. We will pretend like happy newlywed in front of everyone, but I will never really accept you as my wife. NEVER EVER ! YOU HEAR ME ??!!! » he said every words with hate filled in each of them and walked out, shut the door with loud sound.

After he left, she felt tears was running down her face, she swiped them but they kept pouring down unstoppable. She threw herself on the pillow, cried without let out any sound. Soon, she fell asleep still in her wedding dress.

In the midnight, Erica woke up. Tears started falling again, but she wiped them off, refused to have another break down. She got up, realized she slept with her wedding dress on. She felt so tired till she didn’t have energy to change clothes, but she want to be away from this nightmare of life, Arnold who was in another room. She took a deep breath and went out the room, walked slowly to the suite’s door and went in the lift. She pushed to first floor, when the lift opened, she walk out and only saw the security guards. From the look in their face, she knew they was wondering what the bride doing down here in this late hour. She managed to give them a smile and nodded, when they nodded back, she turned around and went straight to the door to the beach.

It was dark out there, but for her its much better than the bright room she was in, moment ago. What Arnold said earlier flashed in her mind and tears were falling again.

Why is this happening ? What have I done wrong to deserve this kind of punishment ? He said he never love me, he was just pretending to. How can I be so blind to not able to saw that ? Was I just refused to see it because of my love for him ? That anger flash, was he always have it sometimes during our time together ? Why I never noticed it before ? If only I realize it sooner, I won’t agree to marry him, no matter how heartbroken I will be. Because I am not just heartbreak right now, I am also devastated. What kind of marriage I have jumped in ? How am I going to live my life from now on with a husband that hate me with his entire heart ? Divorce is definitely not an option, how can we explain it to everyone when we claimed to love each other. I love him, I still love him, though he said those words to me. Why he said I was a gold digger ? Was it because I always accept his expensive gifts ? I accepted them because they were from him, and to appreciate him I wore them even though I don’t like to wear stuffs like that. How can he think so low about me ?

She sat on the sand, hugged her knees to her chest. What should I do now ? Will I be able to live in this hell ? She looked up at the moon, it was full moon. She wiped her face and stood up. There was a determination in her eyes. If I can’t love him, than I will just do the complete opposite of it, ignore him. It will do for a while, while I think of a way out of this mess I have done to myself. If he can pretend to love me for three months, then I think I can pretend to be a happy wife in front of everyone I cared. I just hope he will not make any further damage to my heart, because there was already a huge crack on it now.

With all the pride she had left, she went back to the suite.

Erica woke up, looked at clock and saw it was 5 o’clock. She got up and went to bathroom. She showered and put on a white turtle neck shirt with a deep blue jeans. Walked out from bathroom, she sat on chair in front of mirror and brushed her hair, while her mind flew miles away. All the memories from their first met to his proposal flashed in her mind. A tear rolled down her cheek. She immediately wiped it, « No, enough of the tears. I will held my head high, I won’t become weak girl who cry because she can’t get what she want. Even if I live in hell, I won’t let myself burned, » she reminded herself.

She walked out of her room just to see Arnold was sitting at dining table with just a white robe on, which didn’t cover his legs and showed his chest. She gulped. Even tough he had been mean to her, she still felt for him. But, she would not let him knew he could affected her like this. She ignored him who was having breakfast and walked toward his suite’s door. It was his, she would never assume it as her or worst as their, because there was never we between them, just plain you and I. Whats belonged to him, she would never treat them as hers as well. « Stop ! » she heard Arnold’s voice behind her when she reached for the door knob. She turned around and saw he was standing from the chair and walked toward her. « What are you doing ? » he asked when he arrived at her side near the door.

« I want to go down and go home. » She answered like nothing was wrong with it and reached the door knob again. Arnold grabbed her arm and pulled her to the table. He sat her on the chair and commanded, « Just eat this breakfast ! You better do what I said yesterday if you don’t want to hurt anyone of our families. They think we are happily married and no matter how I felt about you, we should not call off this wedding and try our best to look like normal married couple in front of them. You got it ? »

Erica opened her mouth to say something but she decided to shut up and just nodded, she murmured « Okay. » and ate her breakfast quietly.

After they finished breakfast, Arnold went to his room to wear his clothes. When he got out, he saw the table already been clean up. « Was the housekeeper just come ? Why I did not hear you open the door ? » he asked.

« Yes, she just come. The wall is sound proof, of course you can’t hear it. »

Erica gave Arnold a little tiny smile and approached the sofa to get her purse.

Arnold stared at her, but decided to let it go. No matter how weird it was. « Let’s head down then. »

They went down stair and walked toward the car. It was a red Ferrari, Look like Mr. Perfect also like speed like any other guys. Well, I should have guessed with his all high and mighty attitude. Erica thought in her head.