LOVELESS BOND

"Disappointments are just Allah's way of saying, I have something better...be patient...live life and don't despair."

Sharmeen's P.O.V

She was sitting in this bedroom as everything inside her felt numb. All she can hear was her heart thudding loudly within her chest and she has finally, managed to go through this pompous wedding ceremony. She felt lifeless inside as she went through everything as if she was watching a dream she had no control over, she was screaming and screaming but on the outer side, she had a straight face and eyes brimming with tears ready to spill. She was clueless about what she was putting herself into until she finally managed to sign the contract. She stared at herself in the mirror of her dressing table as she was coated with make-up and jewelry.

She missed seeing her simple chocolate brown eyes and a fair complexion. She was around 5'5, slim and tall with a small nose and a dimpled smile. Her hairs were curly and touched her shoulders but the women who stared back at her were different in every possible way. Who was she looking at? This was not her place nor was this her wedding. She was going to be a guest who would enjoy, laugh and stare in awe at everything that caught her attention mesmerizing her insides but here she was dressed as a bride. She had replaced the bride and everything that she was carrying was not hers but someone else's property. Why was she here?

Tears rolled through her eyes as reality began to sink in slowly penetrating deeply and making her realize where she was as only a few minutes before she thought, she couldn't survive it. All this was so suffocating and why was she selected by Allah to make this sacrifice? Why her? She never questioned her Lord as she knew it was not her place but the silence around her was so deep that her thoughts echoed and this was a chunk of her thought that crashed in her mind. The last four days of her life had been a nightmare as she went through everything lost, scared, and confused. She wanted to step back and take a stand but seeing her parent's worried frown and bowed heads, she couldn't do it. She knew she could never hurt her parents and if this made them happy, she would go through it and she did.

She was sitting in a huge bedroom which was decorated with flowers, lights, and fragrance as she can see the door to the balcony at a far corner. She had been in this room million times before and its simplicity always attracted her but today the eerie dim-lit room letting out shadows with fragrance, flowers, and darkness made her feel new here. She got down the bed as her cold feet touch the tiles and crossed the distance standing at the balcony looking in the dark as it was 2 in the morning. Her life was similar to the deep darkness that surrounded her with silence as she could hear the wind whistle and the crickets chirp at night. She needed to breathe and feel free as the night was moonless and cold.

What did this marriage have to offer? The question surprised her as she clenched the railing so hard that her knuckles turned white. She was dressed in the heaviest lehenga with the jewelry that burdened her soul more than it burdened her body. She wanted to snatch all these away and throw them in some far corner as this wasn't hers. This didn't belong to her nor was this her place. She knew she had been replaced and put herself into all this just for her parent's honor. She had taken her elder sister's place and position.

She was only 17 and if her sister hadn't confessed about having a relationship with someone else, she would have been sleeping with her Mom in their bedroom her arms around her waist and enjoying her Mom's deep small snores. She would be eating leftover dessert with her parents at her home discussing the wedding exhaustion and experiences relishing those moments. It was an abrupt last-minute decision to save the pride and honor of a family that she was to be married off to him.

She had so many dreams and being a teenager, she desired a normal teenage life. She wanted to complete her intermediate and go to college to get her bachelor's. She wanted to enjoy her college life and make new friends, taste new experiences, and the joys of life unfold day after day. Her life has changed forever. She wanted to be curious, give her life another four to five years, and wait until someone came and swept her off her feet or her knight in shining armor. She may find someone who was hopelessly romantic and in love with her or she would have butterflies to know that her parents had selected a suitable proposal for her whom she would be curious to meet. But now there was nothing for her. Her hopes and dreams meant nothing to anyone.

And to add on, there was an irony to this whole situation. She was married to a person who was head over heels in love with her sister for a very long time. Her sister Tazmeen Hussaini was engaged to her cousin Adyaan Khan for the last two years and she, Sharmeen Hussaini acted as a dearest sister-in-law to the couple. Adyaan had been adamant and obsessed about marrying Tazmeen that he insisted on an early engagement as he feared losing her to someone else, which was obliged by his family and he was engaged to Tazmeen though they were still teenagers. Adyaan was 19 and Tazmeen was 17 which made Sharmeen only 15 years old.

She has helped arrange surprises with Adyaan for her dearest sister. She acted as a mediator and helped them bond though Tazmeen never reciprocated any feelings back. She always confessed that she disliked Adyaan and his cheap tricks to win her did not affect her but Sharmeen like any other teenage sister, wanted her sister to see the affection Adyaan had for her. Sharmeen was simply smitten by Adyaan's affection and feelings for her sister. She wanted her sister to be happy and acknowledge Adyaan's true love which went to great lengths to impress Tazmeen. She envied her sister and wished that someday, someone will do the same for her.

Sigh! She was lost in her thoughts when the door behind her clicked and she turned to meet his eyes which were bloodshot red and glistened with tears. She knew him very well as she had seen him despair, struggle, and blame himself at times when Tazmeen disappointed him. She had seen him suffer and he froze the moment their eyes met as if he knew, she would sense what he had been going through. He was 21 years old, tall around 5'11, fair-complexioned with tousled, silky black hair which was disheveled now. His eyes were jet black with a sharp nose followed by thin lips and a well-built personality but he looked tired and hurt. The designer maroon sherwani fit him perfectly followed by a 'pagdi' which he had removed before entering the bedroom holding it in his hand.

She regretted making eye contact so she turned as she closed her eyes and let her pain take over in the form of fresh, hot tears gushing as she shuddered in silence. She knew that both of them were stuck in a real bad situation here.

"Sharmeen...come inside." He ordered in a hoarse voice though he cleared his throat twice as she recovered herself from bouts of crying. She wiped her face with the back of her hand caring less about her make-up and silently obeyed him as he closed the balcony door behind her. The lehenga came in her way but she had more things to worry about than a stupid lehenga!

'Sharmeen!', he never called her that. It hit her sharply and shattered her soul. She remembered how he used to playfully tease her and call her 'Shar' which meant 'trouble or trial' in English and how annoyed she used to be. She used to cry and complain to her Mom initially but with time she got used to his teasing. After all, they were cousins.

She sat on the bed feeling light-headed as he sat at the opposite side both of them hesitating what to say and how to put all this in words. Both of them were dragged into the weirdest situation and had nothing to say to each other. Their relationship felt so empty and that way it will always be. A very strong realization for both of them. Finally, he managed to say something and break the silence.

"I understand.... that all this was....... so sudden and hard to accept." He started. "It is very awkward for both of us."

"Why didn't you refuse this marriage?!" She complained in a snap with anger evident in a heavy voice. "When Didi refused, you could have called it off?! Why did you agree?!"

She had no idea how poisonous her words sounded at the moment and hung in the air. The tension was palpable and so was her anger which demanded answers. Why didn't he refuse?

"I did....what makes you think I won't? I refused but there are people around and we have to answer them." He said in a tone of matter of fact reminding her that this marriage was based to save the family honor. Sharmeen couldn't help rolling off her eyes in frustration. He was a boy! A male person who can do anything he wills and our society never questions. It was so simple!

"Plus, I had to make sure your family doesn't get into trouble and get a bad name in the future." He went on after a long pause though his voice lacked concern.

"We cannot keep thinking about the world?.... We have our own lives to lives?" She said annoyed not looking in his eyes as tears spilled from her eyes at the realization that he thought about everyone except her. She had been his little cousin who at least expected and deserved a little attention from his side where he would refuse to tie her down to him. He could have done that!

"But we have to live in this world, Sharmeen! We have to live with it for the rest of our lives and you have no idea how humiliating it gets at time." He said seriously more annoyed that she is. She wanted to give him a piece of mind but she remained silent. What is the point in making a fuss now? She had her set of questions and doubts but he had already answered it in one sentence.

"You are very young to understand all this but what has happened cannot be changed. We should learn to accept it and move on!"

"It's easy for you!?" She retorted with a frown. "You have no idea what I am stuck with here!"

"Someday you will understand me...And this is not at all easy for me..." He said with a long sigh as he held her gaze in his for few moments as if pleading her to believe him. She looked away in response as seeing him broken and shattered from inside deepened the hurt within her. He walked to the attached washroom as she shrugged angrily to herself. She had been disappointed by him and wanted to argue until she proves herself right and nails him down but what for? She blamed Adyaan and her sister Tazmeen, as she knew she can never forgive them for putting her through all this but what can she do now rather than accepting this bitter fact. They have been married and she is stuck in this forever. A loveless marriage is what she is destined to hold on to for the rest of her life.