Chapter 2

c h a p t e r 2

After unpacking, Kyle decided that we needed to get out and hit the waves. Growing up close to the coast in Cape Town, you can expect surfing to be one of his pastimes.

"I don't know how to surf," I confess. I stare out at the ocean apprehensively with a surfboard under my arm. I've always wanted to learn to surf. In the past, I was too preoccupied with everything racing to even look into any other sports.

Kyle stares at me blankly. "You're joking?"

I shake my head. "I didn't get out much before," I shrug. "I didn't have much time on my hands back then."

"No, dude, it's not that. It's just that I'm surprised that there's actually something you can't do," he replies. "I've just gotten so used to you being a natural overachiever all the time that you caught me off guard for a sec'."

I shrug carelessly and grin. "Learning new skills is what I thrive on. I like to apply myself. Challenges are my escape."

"I bet it's no walk in the park, huh?" he asks, hinting at something.

I frown. "What are you on about?"

"Being the best all the time, trying to fix everything, blaming yourself for everything," he answers nonchalantly, "...it's all gotta take a toll on you. It's got to be a heavy weight to carry," he presses, managing to annoy me. "Playing the hero must suck."

"You don't know me," I retaliate, already aware of where he's going with this. "Maybe you're smart enough to guess some parts but you still don't know me."

"You're transparent enough for me to figure you out," he replies, refusing to back off. "You've had a tough life and you're torn. You're stuck in a past leading to nowhere. You're struggling to lay down a future for yourself. You've made too many mistakes to count. Your regrets are even more but," he pauses, waving his finger in my face in a condescending way, "your acts of humility and selflessness are infinite, limitless."

I involuntarily clench my fists in anger and step back from him. "Stop running your mouth."

I lost it all because of selfishness, not selflessness. He's way off point.

"You've worked hard to be where you are today. Nothing has come easy to you," he states.

Dreams are earned. If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way to make it happen.

"In my world, things don't get handed down to me on some silver platter," I agree with him. "I'm always gonna go for it and give it my absolute best."

"Finally," Kyle replies, satisfied, "something you're actually optimistic about. You're ambitious. Although, I gotta say, your tenacity is a little bit intimidating."

"I'm not always pessimistic," I defend myself. I used to think of myself as an optimist but maybe I've changed over the years.

"You're the most negative person I've ever met," Kyle chuckles, "but you're also one of the most 'real' people I've ever met."

I don't want to be known for my pessimism. That's not what I'm about.

"You say it like it's a good thing."

"That's your problem, right there," he points out. "You have such a bad view of yourself. You need to stop knocking yourself down to the ground. There will come a day when you won't be able to stand."

I sigh, averting my eyes back to the sea before nodding, deciding to give his way a shot. "Alright. Okay."

He grins. "C'mon, dude, the waves wait for no one."

I don't hesitate to follow him out into the open water. "They say that J-Bay is one of the best surfing spots in the world."

"You're damn right it is," Kyle confirms enthusiastically, "so try to not embarrass me too much."

I chuckle. "I can't make any promises."

*~*~**~*~*

After hearing Kyle out, I tried to apply his surfing tips out there but it's not easy. I've bailed so many times that I've lost count but I don't give up easily. We've spent a good few hours out in the ocean and I'm actually having fun.

"This one, Jay!" Kyle calls, pointing at a giant wave forming and slowly rolling in from the distance. "You got this one."

I send him a thumbs-up and begin paddling for the wave. When I get close enough, I get on my haunches and snap the shortboard around so that the nose is no longer facing the wave but the shoreline. The momentum of the wave immediately carries me and I use it to stand up.

"Yes, dude!" I manage to hear Kyle's voice over all the noise.

I throw my arms out and race down the line of blue water before the lip of the wave curls over and whitewater begins to spray up into my eyes.

I jump off the board when we arrive at shallow waters.

Kyle swims over to me and fist-bumps me. "Not bad, dude. The first one you rode all the way to shore. You're improving."

I lay on my back on the board and stare up at the sky while floating on the water. "Thanks for forcing me to do this," I tell him, grateful for the experience and grateful to have the sun beating down on me. Lately, it's been dark.

"No stress. You're still terrible though," Kyle teases as he gets out of the water and takes a seat in the sand.

"I hate surfing," I joke and sit down beside him, calling it a day.

"Well, brother," Kyle pats me on the back, "we finally found something that you suck at. You're atrocious. That ten-year-old-girl was even showing you up out there. You really need to amp up your game."

I saw that girl pulling stunts out of nowhere.

"We're going to have to practice a lot more," Kyle decides for me.

"The water fights me," I offer a weak excuse. I don't like accepting failure. I've never accepted failure in anything, ever.

"Yeah," Kyle laughs, amused, "okay, let's go with that."

"I belong behind the wheel, not in front of the wave," I say and flash him a half-smile, taking the brunt of all of his jokes.

"Behind the wheel?" he asks.

"I race," I answer solemnly and then add, "well, I used to."

"That's awesome!" Kyle exclaims. "I actually know someone whose job is in that line of work. Dempsey manages Formula 1 racers. She promotes them and gets their name out into the public, that kind of thing. If you're still looking into it, I can set up a meeting. She'll tell you like it is, whether racing is worth pursuing or not."

"It's not, not for me," I answer with self-assurance, confident of my answer. "Like I said, I don't race anymore. I haven't for a very long time."

"Why would you ever give that up?" he asks, not understanding.

I don't answer. The shouting going on has me distracted. Instead of wasting more time in trying to figure it out, I get up and sprint to where the commotion seems to be coming from. Kyle follows after me, just as concerned.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Kyle shouts at seeing a group of people beating on some guy. "Break it up!" he commands as he tries to approach them, acting on instinct. He's immediately knocked down for interfering, and I have to restrain myself from reacting.

Meanwhile, the guy on the ground keeps getting beat around. He's outmatched. It's not a fair fight. Flashbacks of when I was fourteen come in waves at the reminder. I can feel myself starting to lose control.

"Get off of him," I intervene, taking the gap and stepping in. I shove my way to the center in the hopes of drawing the group's attention. I stand protectively over the injured guy. I'll take the punches if it means he'll get the slack.

But they are determined to keep at it, even when he's down and defenseless.

I try to maintain a level-head but my self-control diminishes at the sight of the limp body trying to stand up. Before he can even get to his feet, he gets kicked in the side and collapses again.

That's when I snap.

My fists take on a mind of their own. Before I know what I'm doing, I land a few swift and solid punches on the one who just kicked him. I manage to side-step him just in time before he can return the favor.

I step back and shake out my fist, on high alert.

The idiot wipes away at his bloody lip with the back of his hand, enraged. "Mistake, kid."

When I refuse to back down, he and the others start to hone in on me.

"Walk away. You're one up against five," another says to me but I barely register it.

"I don't care."

I'm just as used to taking beatings as I am to giving them out. When it was me down on the floor all those years ago, no one helped.

"You're going to regret being stupid, kid."

"I'll take my chances."