Chapter 8

Masha

I don't know why but his words stir something deeply inside me. Tears that I don't how to stop, fall out from eyes. I can understand that he doesn't like me because I'm not like that woman, who is pretty, elegant and someone who came from a wealthy family like him. But actually hearing his words let me realized that no matter how hard I wished for him to notice me, its impossible.

That he will never, ever like me no matter what..

But sometimes, I ask myself. Searching for the right reason, for him to not like me. Is it because I'm a boy? Or maybe, because I'm still a child? Or rather, its because he doesn't feel any love for me...

Thinking about it, brought another wave of tears through me as my heart clench painfully inside my chest.

And even though I know that it sounds so dramatic coming from a 13 year old boy, whining like its the end of the world. It doesn't mean that its not true. Well, the others might not believe me, saying that I don't know anything about love. But it doesn't meant that it hurt less.

Or they might be right... Because like they say, I really don't have any idea, what true love meant. But still I don't know what to call to the strange feelings that blossoming within me. As my heart flatter inside my chest as I unconsciously look to every moves that he make? Or when, I felt so nervous when he's near me, especially if he's looking directly at me making me filled with so much happiness that I don't know I'm capable of feeling.

Its very complicated.. and there are no exact words that can describe the extent of the emotions growing within me.

But now, I don't know anymore. Remembering his words just a while ago, brought a great deal of pain in me. And honestly, I don't want to feel this anymore..

Its so painful, like I'm almost dying. As if someone twist, churn and stab my heart mercilessly.

And because my mind is in total haze and I didn't look at where I'm going, I accidentally bump to someone making me fall on my ass.

''Watch where your going, you fag!'' A familiar voice sneered at me, but my body trembles when I realized that its Shanna's voice.

Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain on my head when a hand pull my hair, rather forcefully. ''Eh, what's this. Your crying..''

My lower lip quaver, when I saw a malicious glint swirl on her eyes. ''Did someone bully you, eh poor Masha??'' she snicker while tapping my cheeks with her palm. But I let out a yelp when her nails scrape the flesh on my cheeks, leaving a red angry marks on me. ''You should just leave. No one like you anyway. Your just a waste of space. A total loss cause...''

My mind go numb, as I slouched my body, not even noticing that she already left me. As my thoughts are filled with her poisonous words, slowly corrupting my mind.

With a zombie like state, I stood up and turn around. Walking aimlessly, not knowing where I'm going.

Looking around, I saw that I'm already in the highway, faraway from home...

Home! I spat bitterly in my mind. Their home, won't never be mine. Nor I would ever be a part of their family. And with a final glance at the fairytale looking palace I whirl my body and start walking. Away from there, away from him...

--

Three hours have passed since I ran away. Luckily for me a kind truck driver stop and let me rode with him up to the next town.

"Kiddo, are you sure that your okay?" The old man ask once I ask him to stop.

"Yes Sir, thank you very much.."

He toothly smile at me, and ruffle my hair. "Its fine, and here I think you would need it. Next time don't lose your money okay?"

I just nod my head at him, when I gratefully took the money from him. And wave my hand when he starts driving away. Feeling guilty that I lied.

Sighing, I shove the money in my pocket and took my phone out.

Its not the phone that Lo gave me, its my old phone where my contacts are listed. God, I never thought that I'm going to use it again. But I guess I can't really have a normal life, like I always dreamed to have.

Switching it on, I dial a number that I already memorize by heart. "Its me."

"And I suppose your asking for a job?" A man's voice answer, quite annoyed.

"I don't have to answer your questions because I'm sure that you already know what I want. So is there anything I can do for you.." I said coldly, while I begin to walk through the empty streets.

I heard the man sigh, "Well, first tell me where the heck are you?"

"Los Angeles."

"What the fuck? Are you serious?" He screeched so loud, and I'm sure that my eardrums would explode from his voice.

"Can you lower your voice, that fucking hurts! I'm really here! So what? Can you find me a job here?" I huff angrily.

"Don't be frisky with me, you brat! And I'm looking at it already, geez as always your such a rude boy! You just left, not even leaving a message. I even thought that you've killed. Fuck! Oh God, there's a lot on that place. You're really a lucky bastard."

"Lucky? I'm far from lucky, Toni."

"What's with the tone, you're depressed? Who is the unlucky moron, eh?" He ask, with an irritating cherry voice.

"Toni." I heard him gulp, after hearing the underlying tone in my voice.

"Okay I already send you the info.. And like always, I will wire you the money in the same account." And then he hung up.

Just a second after, my phone beep. Looking through it, I memorized the details before I open my phone and took out the sim card, completely destroying it before I throw it away. As I begin to walk, through the dark alley making my shadows blend in the darkness..

--

Its been a week already and my life as what I call it, become normal again. Returning to the way how I live my life before. Just the same boring routine over and over again.

Sleep, eat, work.

How boring huh?

My mind like always drift towards Lo.

Thinking that maybe, he's finally happy that his marriage is coming soon. Maybe, he's even expecting a child soon.

I scrunched my nose when I thought of what Lo's baby might look like. But honestly, I can't think that he can have a son or daughter. Well, he's quite a child for his age. And being a father is pretty far fetched from his personality.

A chuckle escape from my lips when suddenly the triplets pop up in my mind. Thinking that they will be so enraged when they learned that they will becoming uncles and aunt already at a young age.

But I grew sad when I remember the way they are with me. They treated me like I'm their brother, and honestly I really missed them, God even Kia.

But I can't come back anymore. Because it will only pain me, to watch Lo be wed with someone else.

"You're by yourself eh, cutie. Its dangerous you know, someone might take advantage of you." A thick masculine voice suddenly snap me from my trance.

Looking up, I grin seductively when I saw his face. Leaning my body towards him, I let my fingers trail the muscles that clearly visible from his expensive Armani suit.

"What if... I wanted to be taken advantage... Especially with handsome man like you.." I purr out, while I move my hands and take his bulging crotch in my hand and squeeze it gently.

He smirk smugly, as he pull my neck towards him to smash his lips to mine..

Sighing internally, I let my mind go numb... As I let him drag me in an empty dark alley...

--

"Toni, I'm done." I said through the other line.

I heard him speaking to someone before he answer back, "Like always so fast.."

I huff, while I lean on the wall of the alley as I look at the man lying on the ground.

"Just wait for the cleaners, they're going to be there at 5."

"That's slow, you know that I'm in LA right?" I annoyingly snap at him.

"We can't do anything about it, you know those guys.."

"Tsk! Same old, same old.." I state blankly.

After a while, a group of men walk in and flash a card in front of me. "We're taking it from here, you can go now Agent 666."

I stood up, and salute at them before I walk and emerge on the busy night streets of the city.

Breathing heavily, I look up at the sky.

When my life will gonna change?

--

Its almost dawn when I got on my apartment, but I felt that there is something wrong as I felt a presence inside.

I step back, ready to run when the door opens. "Where have you gone?" A familiar angry voice ask.

My body shiver when I heard him, slowly whirling my body I gasp when I saw Lo looks at me with an intense eyes.

Tears start to flow on my cheeks, as my hands tremble. "Why are you here??"

His eyes soften, and he walk over me with big steps. "I'm here to take you back with me..'' He said while he caress my cheeks, but he grew stiff and remove his hands on me.

"Who are you with? What have you done?!" He yelled out with fuming eyes while he ball his fist on his side.

My eyes widen when I heard him said those words.

Does he know?

Is he angry because of what I've done?

Oh god, does he hate me now because of it?!

I shake  my head side by side, and step back away from him. As a sob finally broke out from my lips.

"Tell me!"

A deep anger filled me, and I glare at him. "I don't need to tell you everything!" I spat angrily, while I spin on my heels and starts to run. But a hand grab my waist, totally stopping me from running away.

"No, you can't go. You can't leave me anymore, and if I need to chain you so that you can not run away from me, I'm willing to do it even though you might hate me afterwards... So please stay with me, don't leave..please.. I beg you..."

I'm shocked to hear him said those words to me as his every words are coated with so many emotions I can't decipher.

His gentle hands is trembling as he hold me tightly. My mind begin to swirl with so many questions as my heart flutter uncontrollably inside my chest. Then I brought my smaller hand and slowly pull it on his.

My face heated up when he intertwine our fingers, as I felt him move closer to me. Feeling his warmth as it slowly caress my skin.

"But why? Why do I need to be with you?" I suddenly murmur, while he tightened his grip around me.

"Because I want you.. I need you.. And especially because you are mine..."

_______________________________________________