Chapter 1: Defective Goods

"What's your major?" The dreaded question all freshmen are supposed to know upon arrival at a university. That's what's wrong with my friend group; they all know what college major they are going to study or what type of man they want to bang. On the other hand, I'm still shocked I got into college. I'm not dumb, but I'm not smart. I'm average. Average Cora with her

average...everything.

Not even my breasts are fully developed. Most women have a chest full of tempting fruit the size of apples. My delicacies are the size of baby plums. Two small plums in a sea full of apples. I will definitely get looked over. There's nothing more embarrassing for a nineteen-year-old woman than still being in puberty. Some women are gifted with their bodies, and some of us aren't. Some of us are round, and some of us are invisible to our male prospects.

"I haven't made up my mind on what I want to study. I'm taking general education classes until the spring semester. I will figure it out by Christmas I reckon."

"Seriously Cora, you're a talented artist and you don't know what to major in. I thought it was you know...obvious, " Evelyn jests.

The pencil in my hand gets placed inside the bun on top of my head. The eraser shavings cover the parchment paper. My sketch is of the scenery at hand. Our college campus with it's two small ponds. It's nothing fancy but worth doodling in my journal no less.

"Thanks. I might be a talented artist but I certainly don't want to be a starving one."

Evelyn laughs and puts her hand through her dark wavy locks. I wish my hair were like hers. Mine is thin and is easily broken by cheaply-made pharmacy combs. She looks professional and classy, like one of those law students in that old Legally Blonde film. Not me, I wear baggy clothes and grubby overalls. Maybe it's time I reinvent my look for college. I need to look more grown up if I am going to be someone someday.

"You won't be starving. You could be a graphic designer and make lots of money."

Truth be told I never considered a career in graphic design. Spending hours of time on a computer for clients making posters and book covers never truly sounded fun to me. Perhaps I could look into something like that later this semester.

"Maybe you're right. For now, I want to focus on the real problem at hand."

"What's the real problem?" Evelyn asks as Benjamin Horjus walks by. She's been sleeping with him for the last two years and they still won't admit they are dating.

"Just go say, hi to your man." Evelyn punches my arm at the accusation. But we aren't kids anymore. And sleeping with Ben for two years sure looks like a commitment to me.

"He's not my man. I told you I'm a strong independent woman, and I don't need a man to complete me. I just like to fuck Ben is all."

"If you only liked to fuck Ben then why do you go on dates with him and hold hands in movie theatres?" Evelyn doesn't respond as her eyes go into her skull as she predictably changes the subject.

"Enough about me. Let's get back to you. What's your problem?"

With the attention back on me, how am I supposed to tell her the truth? I still haven't lost my damn v-card yet. I thought during the biggest party on prom night last year my problem would have been solved. It still hasn't been rectified.

"I still...haven't lost my virginity yet."

"But I thought you and Spencer...you know. What about prom? Spencer told everyone you did it back then."

I look down at my drawing and erase the squiggles that I drew. I dust the shavings away and start blending the shaded areas.

"No. I never corrected him. I was too embarrassed. He didn't like how I looked and well. The rest is history. He did help me realize something. That no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for anyone. I will never be anything for anyone."

The tears fall onto the shaded areas of my sketch making the scene blurry. Evelyn gives me a gentle pat on the back that turns into a hug.

"That's not true. You haven't met the right person yet. And if you want I can help you with clothes shopping. We could give you a whole new look for college and guys will be wanting you in no time."

Maybe she's right. Maybe it's time to ditch the baggy clothes and try to sex myself up. Evelyn looks amazing and there's no denying that she knows more about fashion than I do.

"Alright, maybe you're right. Truth be told I still haven't gotten over Spencer yet. Perhaps I never will."

She lifts my chin up and smiles brightly as the university bells chime.

"You will. It will take time. You will find someone new here at this university and you will fall in love with them. I just know it."

"Time for my first class. Wish me luck." I say as I collect my backpack and sketches. I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes. As I rush off to class, I collide with a professor.

"Shit I'm so sorry," I say as I put my hands over my mouth to cover my foul language. The professor staggers back and his papers go flying in all directions. I help him collect his papers and he helps me collect mine.

Our eyes meet and I see that he's young. Maybe he's just a student and not a professor after all.

"It's alright. Just watch where you're going next time. This is my first-day teaching. Wish me luck. Which class are you heading to?"

"I'm heading to world history."

"Well, you're in luck. I'm Professor Oakley your new world history professor as of yesterday. Mr. Collins got sick last minute and I was asked to accept the job. I won't mark you absent if you follow me to class miss....what is your name?"

"Cora, my name is Cora. And sure I will follow you. I don't actually know where the class is located."

"Well, we will find it together."

I follow professor hottie to our destination. The whole walk all I can look at is his rigged jawline. He is far too young for me to view him as a professional educator. He's six years older than me at least. He's twenty-four or twenty-five if I were to guess. There's no way I should be having thoughts about a professor I just met. For someone who's just been dumped the last thing I need is to get kicked out of Nordstrom University.

Professor Oakley opens the door for me. My cheeks turn red. His gentlemanly gestures have me in awe and swooned away somewhere else in a girlish fantasy.

"Thanks. I'll take my seat." I sit down and listen to him talk about the Chinese dynasties. All I can do is focus on his jawline and how mature he looks compared to my peers. I take notes and decide to keep this to myself. Evelyn doesn't need to know that I have already started having a little crush on my college professor. All it took was one mere accident and a rather sexy lecture with a deep voice to turn me into a lustful woman.

After class, I overhear the prettier women making comments about Professor Oakley.

"Damn, he's fine. This might be my new favorite class. I wonder if he gives one-on-one tutoring sessions if I fail on purpose." A tall athletic chick giggles in the hallway.

I don't make eye contact. But in my heart, I already know that no matter if I like a professor or a boy my age, no one will ever look at a girl whose body wasn't worthy enough for sex. Spencer's right my body is weird and I will always be defective goods.