1. Xoxo

Nova

It's finally here! my nineteenth birthday has finally arrived.

I'm sure y'all are wondering why's she so freaked about her nineteenth and whatnot.

My boyfriend Deshawn and I have been dating for almost a year and we both agreed that my first time was going to be on my nineteenth birthday. I dunno how we came up with that, but I guess it was just a spur of moment kinda thing and we stuck with it. I don't regret it, never will, and never have.

Deshawn and I have been together since he moved into town and was my neighbour, but we never got together until he started my highschool. The rest is history.

I get out of bed and make my way to my dresser to pick out what I'd be wearing for the day, I'm the kind of girl that picks comfort over any other thing, also because I'm on the big side.

I have thick thighs, back rolls and a gut. My body has always been perfect in my eyes, and I adore it.

I rummage through my wardrobe and end up settling for a pair of big sweatpants I got from my big brother, Chance before he travelled, and a big tee.

I giggle to myself as the memory of my not-so-successful robbery appeared in my head.

I love stealing his clothes.

Yes it's my birthday, yes I'm wearing ordinary clothes and yes I also don't care.

My birthday is always the same thing every year since I can remember, me all alone in my room sometimes it's interesting if Chance is around but ever since he travelled, I have to settle for the different time-zone calls.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is the time I'll get to spend with Deshawn later. My smile broadens as I remember the one person that makes me the happiest.

I grab my towel once I step out of the shower, my bathe was so quick it almost felt like I didn't take any, but I did.

I'm not surprised my parents haven't called me down for breakfast or even wished me a happy birthday, that's if they're even home.

They barely remember I exist not to talk of being at home.

Sometimes Chance and I feel like they're just our distant relatives and not our real parents, that's just the sad truth.

That's one of the reasons Chance left this town the first chance he got. Most people might be mad at him for ditching me or something of the sort, but he's my brother and I'm always going to be happy for his success no matter what form or shape it takes.

Even though you've not seen him for almost four years?

"He'll come back, I know he will" I mutter to myself as if saying it loud will make it come to pass

I pick up my phone and I'm surprised to see zero text messages. I mean what did I expect, but at least I had hope that Deshawn would have texted or something.

I dial his number and listen to it ring repeatedly before he finally answers

"Hey babe" he exclaims, he sounds completely out of breath

I squeeze my brows together in confusion "Hey, how are you?"

He clears his throat " I'm good, Happy Birthday babe" he says making me forget the slight anger I was feeling earlier

"Thank you, baby. For a moment there I thought you forgot"

"Never! How could I forget it's the day we've both been waiting for."I went to Micheal's party last night and got back completely wasted so I forgot to plug my phone to charge, I just did now and your call came in"

Oh okay, so that's what made you remember...

"You sound out of breath, you good?"

"Yeah, I'm on the treadmill. Hey babe I'm gonna call you back gotta take care of something"

"Okay talk to you later, I love you-"

I hear the beep before I could finish my statement.

I fall back onto my bed defeatedly, I have no idea what to do now, feels like I got dressed up for nothing.

Don't cry! Be strong, you're not pathetic!

I chanted slowly in my head trying to encourage myself.

I picked up my phone and I decided to scroll through TikTok, it was the least I can do to cheer myself up at this point.

I've spent almost an hour watching all sorts of TikTok videos, pets, dance, and comedy and none of them seems to be of much help in distracting me from wanting to call Deshawn.

Call me pathetic or whatever it hurts to know that your favourite person in the whole world is out there somewhere on your special day, and you lack their attention.

Deshawn is not only my boyfriend he's like my best friend, the only friend I have, to be honest.

I was too closed off in high school to think anyone wanted to be friends with me, or even be friends with them. High school students can be annoying sometimes. So I came up with the conclusion that I'm better off without friends for now.

And then Deshawn showed up.

I went downstairs grabbed my car keys and got in my car, part of me knew I wasn't thinking straight right now but I was going to do it before I chicken out.

I'm heading to Deshawn's house.

A few minutes later I pull up to his driveway. I contemplate parking my car because I can hear music, and see numerous beer cans who has a party by this time? I pick up my phone to check the time only to see that it's 7:30!

I was watching TikTok for several hours!

I park my car and walk to his house I considered knocking but I doubt anyone will hear me with all the loud music but I still decide to knock.

The door opens up before I could knock and someone I'm very sure does not live at Deshawn's house invites me in.

"Thank you" I mutter to the strange guy.

I walk in and part of me suddenly feels underdressed, I brush the feeling off, close the door behind me and I make my way to Deshawn's room.

People start clapping once I'm at the feet of the stairs, at first one guy started it then the rest joined in and I notice all eyes on someone, I turn around to check but nobody. Yep! their eyes are definitely on me.

I look up the stairs and I hear footsteps and see Deshawn coming down

the claps and cheering start to die down "Hey princess" I smile at the nickname like I always do

"Why are they clapping?"

"It's your birthday remember?" he laughs as if I could forget.

"Yeah, I know so?"

"The party is for you. That's why they were cheering I was upstairs looking for my phone to call you before you arrived"

I looked around the entire room and all I could see was a room full of people that I didn't know and a lot of beer cans and weird substances on the table like any other house party I'd heard about from Chance.

This is supposed to be a party for me?

I smile at Deshawn unable to even utter the word thank you.

"Let's go" he smiles at me as he leads the way to his room

We get to his room and I go to seat on his bed but it smells weird and is scattered so I settle on the chair while he takes the bed.

Ew.

What's going on today? My entire body and mind are telling me to run for the heels and not look back. And usually, I listen to my body, sometimes... when I'm hungry.

But this time it's like a blaring alarm telling me to run and get out of this place, I can almost smell the discomfort.

But my heart is saying another thing, this is Deshawn whom you've been dating for a long time now and very soon you are going to join him at his college.

And as naive and stupid as I was, I followed my heart.

"Nova, what's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Come here baby," he said patting beside him on his bed

Nova run!

"Do you mind changing your sheets first? These smell weird"

He chuckled as he got up to grab new ones "Sorry"

I got up to help lay the bed "It's okay" I guess this is what I am getting for not listening to my body. I smiled at him

"Much better" I exclaimed and I could finally lie on it

Deshawn lays down beside me facing me

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded

"I love you"

"I love you too, Nova"

I moved closer to him and pressed my lips to his, I could feel his hands move around slowly on my body. His hands rested on my back a few inches above my butt.

We continue kissing it feels the same as our other kisses.

What do you mean Nova? Do you want something else?

I don't know!

Wow, now my subconscious and I are having a chat, good to see you're finally losing it, Nova Carter.

I drew back from the kiss, no exact reason for me to stop but I did.

"What's wrong?"

"I dunno"

"Hey hey, it's okay it can be like that the first time you don't need to be scared I'll take care of you"

It can what! Might as well list the number of virginities you've taken!

OH MY GOD

"I'm going home" I get out of his bed and pick up my hoodie.

"What!"

"I'm going ho-"

"I heard you, why do you want to go home?" Deshawn got up from his bed and stood in front of me

"What do you mean by, why do I want to go home?"

"We've wanted this for a long time, you can't just stop now"

Excuse you?

"I can't stop now? I can't stop now!" I ask my tone going higher

"I mean I'm already hard and- Don't you love me, Nova? I thought we were ready for this?"

"Well turns out I'm not, maybe next year, you can wait again yeah? I reply sarcastically "Goodbye Deshawn"

That if we're still together

I walk out the door and I hear him behind me

I'm at the head of the stairs overlooking everybody downstairs, I ignore them and make my way downstairs.

"You were not even a good lay!" I stop and turn around to see it was Deshawn who said it

"What?" My voice comes out in a whisper

He walks up close to me "You heard me, you think after all this time I spent dating you I liked you? Nah not one bit"

"Deshawn wh-

All eyes were on us now and it felt as if his voice just kept getting louder

"Nobody likes the fat girl, I sure don't, right guys?" that earned him a couple of laughs and answers from the crowd. I could hear laughing and booing from around me.

I could see them pointing at me somewhere even recording and I just stood there and received all the embarrassment.

"Lose weight!"

"Guys like skinny girls!"

"Sorry you lost your virginity in vain"

Those were all the words I heard from all around me, but the last one did it

"I didn't lose my virginity!" I have no idea if my voice was loud enough or if they just kept quiet again so I could hear another person abuse me verbally.

Like clockwork, all eyes turned to Deshawn and I looked at him too, hoping to God that one part of him was still the same sweet boy I love.

"Yeah right" he replied and the laughter resumes.

I turn around and make my way to the door my eyesight blurry because of tears

I see a white girl standing in front of me with a smirk " Oh before I forget, I fucked your boyfriend in his room before you came"

I turned to look towards Deshawn again and I see him laughing and shaking some of his friends as if he just won one of those games he used to play back in high school, and they were congratulating him.

But this time it was at my expense.

I clean my tears and make my way to my car, I try my possible best to console myself enough to drive and get home.

Once I'm in front of my house and my car is parked, I can't help but let out tears again I grab my house keys and make my way upstairs to my room.

I can't wait to leave this godforsaken town.

Noise from my phone wakes me My eyes dash to my small bedside mirror, my eyes are red and puffy from crying for hours.

I pick up my phone to check the text message

The message was from an unknown number, probably someone trying to continue their sick game from earlier.

The entire idea brought tears to my eyes again.

I hate my life, I hate this!

I fall asleep with tears in my eyes and a broken heart, the one person I trusted the most had shattered my heart into a million pieces like I was an object he could dispose of at any time.

Her phone received a message again, from the same unknown number.