5

Chapter Five

Lily fought for air. The force that held her down was immovable. The hands

that squeezed her throat constricted tighter. He was stronger than her.

Weighing her down. But she wasn’t about to give up. She refused to go down

without a fight. For a moment, she was free, and she took a large gulp of air

into her lungs. Before she could release her breath in a violent scream, a

palm pushed over her mouth to stifle the sound and a powerful forearm

crushed down across her chest.

She tried to draw in air through her nostrils that were partially blocked by

the hand covering her mouth. Her heart thundered in her ears as fearinfused adrenaline dumped into her bloodstream. The darkness of the room

permeated her vision and cast the body looming above her in a sinister

shadow. Her fingernails dug at the hand blocking her airway. She kicked her

legs to try to wiggle free. If she could just fill her lungs with enough air to

call for help, surely someone would hear her.…

Lily clawed at her throat as she sat upright in bed. The covers had wound

around her legs and she gave a frantic kick as she tried to free herself from

the tangle. Stars twinkled in her vision and her mind swam as she drew

desperate gulps of air into her lungs. Her heart beat a wild rhythm in her

chest. She struggled to stay calm as she fought the dregs of sleep and

nightmare that still clung to her. God, she was going to pass out.

The sheet and blankets released their grip and Lily flung herself from the

bed. She made her way to the bathroom on wobbly legs and fumbled on the

wall to flip the light switch. She squeezed her eyes shut against the intrusion

of sudden bright light. She braced herself on the counter and took a deep

breath before slowly opening her eyes and turning on the faucet.

She hadn’t had a nightmare for a couple of months, but this one had been

bad. Vivid. Bad enough to steal her breath and leave her shaking. Bending

over the sink, she splashed cold water on her face and cringed as the icy

droplets ran down her neck to the scratches she’d inadvertently given

herself. Lily reached for the hand towel and dried her face. Forced her gaze

to the mirror. Three red slashes marred the right side of her neck from where

her dream had invaded reality. Not the worst injury she’d ever given herself

during a nightmare, but it would be tough to hide the marks for at least a day

or two. She snatched a tissue from the box on the sink and dabbed at the tiny

droplets of blood that formed where she’d broken the skin.

What she wouldn’t give for a solid night of peaceful sleep.

Lily tossed the tissue in the trash and folded the towel to hang back on the

rack. She left the bathroom light on and headed back to the bedroom. The

sun hadn’t crested the horizon yet, but the first gray signs of dawn were

starting to show. She reached for her cell and selected “Sallie” from her

favorites list. She was taking her friend up on her “call anytime” offer.

Thank God she had friends and family she could count on.

“Lily, you okay?” Sallie didn’t even bother with a hello.

“Nightmare.” She still found it tough to fill her lungs with enough air to

even form a word.

“It was a bad one, wasn’t it?”

Tears welled in Lily’s eyes and she fought to keep her voice steady.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you up. I just—”

“Just nothing,” Sallie interrupted. “Don’t you dare apologize to me. You

call me whenever you need me. Day or night or first thing in the morning.

Do you want me to come over? We can make some coffee and find a

mindless movie to watch.”

No, she wanted out of the house, as far away from being alone as possible.

“Can I spend the weekend at the house, instead?” She wouldn’t be alone,

and Levi would be there.

The need to see him was so overwhelming she nearly used the number

he’d left with her, to his cell phone. If she called him, though, she was afraid

he’d expect far more than she could give. If she went to the ranch instead,

she could see him, talk to him, with no pressure.

“Do you have to ask?” Sallie asked gently. “We don’t care how long you

stay, sweetie. I’ll put the coffee on. Get your ass over here.”

“Give me time to shower.” She was sweaty from the nightmare and still

far too shaky. “I’ll leave as soon as I get ready.”

Ending the call, she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

She was going to get through this, she promised herself. The marshals

would do their job, she’d be safe, and no one need ever know that Lily

Donovan hadn’t been able to pull herself out of trouble. No one would know

she’d been weak or that she hadn’t been in control.

Swallowing against the bile that threatened to build in her stomach, she

grabbed clean clothes and headed for the shower.

Levi knew she’d been weak, though, she reminded herself as she stepped

into the shower. He knew someone had hurt her. He hadn’t pressed for

information, and there hadn’t been pity in his expression. Just

acknowledgment and regret. He hadn’t known her all her life, hadn’t known

how she always maintained control, how she could set any cowboy she met

back on his heels. He didn’t see her as Jacob Donovan’s hell-raising cousin.

He just saw a woman.

A woman he wanted.

And that should terrify her. The knowledge of the lust she’d seen in his

face, burning in his eyes, should have scared her to death. Instead, it

fascinated her, drew her.

He wasn’t a man who would want a quick little tumble in bed and then go

his separate way. He’d be thorough, rough, dominant. She could sense it in

him, see it in every shift of his powerful body. If he wanted to, he could

force a woman to do whatever he wanted her to do.

But she had a feeling Levi would never be satisfied with force. He’d want

every kiss, every touch, every acceptance of who he was and what he wanted

from her, to be given willingly. Not being in control would mean something

totally different with him than it meant in any other situation or with any

other man.

The sun sank beneath the western horizon, painting the evening sky in

brilliant shades of deep orange, pink, and purple. A light breeze stirred the

air, bringing with it the sweet scent of field grass and the wildflowers that

dotted the far pasture. They’d be gone in a few days, as soon as the cattle

were turned out to graze, but right now the brilliant late-spring landscape

looked as though it had been painted by a master. A moment, a season,

caught in time.

Levi wondered if he’d ever seen anything so beautiful in his life.

Yes, he had. And she was sitting on the porch swing, gently swaying back

and forth as she watched the very same sunset he admired.

The same deep lines marked her brow, and she worried her bottom lip

between her teeth. The breeze stirred wisps of her hair in front of her face

and she reached up to brush them away and tuck the strands behind her ear.

Levi watched her for a quiet moment, wondering what she could be thinking

about. Or remembering.

“Stop staring at me if you don’t mind.” The demand was nothing less than

imperious as she turned her gaze on him.

Damn, he was really starting to like her. She was damned spunky and

determined. She might be running scared right now, but she was doing it on

her own terms. Or what she thought were her own terms anyway.

Levi wasn’t a bit chagrined at being caught. He wasn’t trying to hide it in

the least.

He followed her gaze for a brief moment before pushing himself away

from the fence post he’d been leaning on and crossing the driveway toward

the front porch. Lily’s feet paused, slowing the sway of the swing, and her

expression turned wary. Almost panicked. Like a small animal that had been

cornered by a much larger predator. Her hand moved to her throat for a

moment and she tucked her sweater tight around her before she forced her

arm down and grasped it in her opposite hand. Levi frowned as he picked up

on her subtle body language. Years of training had made him aware of even

the most minute tells, and Lily’s practically screamed her discomfort.

“You okay?” Something was wrong. He may not have known Lily most of

her life, but there were a few things that weren’t hard to discern about her.

Lily’s shoulders relaxed and she resumed the easy rocking of the swing.

“I’m fine. Just getting some air.”

It wasn’t unusual to see Lily or any of Jacob’s other cousins at the ranch.

But something about her being here warned him that everything wasn’t so

good at the moment.

“Do you think I’d hurt you, Lily?” Leaning against the porch in front of

her, he watched her curiously. “Did I hurt you yesterday?”

She glared back at him. “I am not scared of you, Levi Roberts. But I also

don’t want you thinking that kiss yesterday meant anything.” Her lips

clamped together for a second before they parted, and her tongue ran

nervously over her lips. “Because it didn’t.”

His brow arched.

The lying little hellion. She was sitting there lying to his face without a

hint of remorse.

He couldn’t help but chuckle.

Lily intrigued him. The shadows of secrets lingered behind her eyes. Levi

knew more about those secrets than Lily realized. But he’d never be able to

gain her trust if she refused to open up to him. She was a tough nut to crack

and he was hell-bent on getting through to her.

“Keep telling yourself that, cupcake,” he drawled, his gaze raking over her

and taking in her flushed cheeks, the need in her gaze and in the hardened

little points of her nipples beneath the thin material of her tank top. “You

might actually convince yourself of it. Eventually.”

She might convince herself of it eventually? Lily glared up at the arrogance

and sheer male confidence in Levi’s expression and wanted to kick him for

it. Damn him, he shouldn’t draw her the way he did.

“You’re an ass, Levi,” she informed him rather than arguing a point that

she knew was a lie. If that kiss hadn’t meant anything to her, then the

nightmares might not have been so bad.

That low, amused chuckle came from him again and it sounded way too

sexy. A sound that made a woman want to challenge him, dare him, just

because of the arrogance inherent in it.

“So I’ve been accused a time or two,” he surprised her by agreeing. “But

would you be as attracted to me if you could walk over me? Admit it, Lily,

all those doormats you went out with before were boring. Maybe it’s time to

try a real man on for a change.”

Good God, he hadn’t just said that.

Lily’s eyes widened as she found herself torn between incredulity and

anger.

“And of course, you’re the man I should ‘try on,’” she snorted. “I

wouldn’t try that line too often if I were you; it could end up getting you

kicked where it hurts the most.”

His lips curled as a grin flirted with them. “Now that wouldn’t be in your

best interests, sweetheart,” he chided her gently. “Just think of all the fun

we’d miss out on for a minute or two. Or the spanking I’d be certain to

deliver to that pretty ass of yours for trying. Of course, that could end up

being fun as hell too.”

Her ass clenched at the thought and that was dangerous. Intriguing.

“Time for me to go inside. The bullshit out here is getting deep.” She rose

to her feet. “Good night, Mr. Roberts.”

She moved to shift past him when she suddenly found herself pulled to

him. Hooking one arm behind her back before she could stop him, Levi

pulled her flush against his body, against that broad, powerful chest, strong

thighs. Right where she couldn’t help but feel the length of his erection

beneath his jeans.

“Lie to me, Lily,” he told her. “Go ahead; tell me you don’t want this.”

Not that he gave her a chance to say much of anything. His head tilted and

his lips slanted over hers in a kiss that she was certain fried important brain

cells. Because she couldn’t make herself push away from him, couldn’t deny

herself the pleasure just one more time.

He kissed like a man who knew exactly what he wanted and had made his

mind up to have her. A man who knew pleasure, how to give it and no doubt

how to receive it. And she couldn’t even hate him for it. As bad she wanted

to, he drew her instead, made her think about him when she shouldn’t, ache

for it when she knew it was no doubt a dead end. He’d end up breaking her

heart or worse, and she could do nothing to stop it.

When he broke the kiss, his breathing was not less fast than hers and the

gleam of male hunger in his gold eyes was fascinating to see.

Had any man ever stared at her with such unabashed desire in his eyes?

Not just lust, but a hint of the same confusion perhaps that she felt. The

question was, why was it so much better, so much hotter, than any kiss she’d

had in the past?

Now wasn’t the time or the place for this, Levi knew. At any second, her

cousin, his boss, could walk out the door and catch Levi with his hands filled

with Lily. More than one cowboy had felt the blunt end of Jacob’s fist, not to

mention found himself in the unemployment line, for being caught in such a

position.

“Do you want to go for a ride tomorrow?” he asked her then, wondering

just how brave she was going to allow herself to get. “I need to ride the

south end of the fence line tomorrow and see what needs to be mended

before we turn the cows out. I can always use a little company.”

Lily swallowed, her breathing fast, her expression still drowsy with

passion. “Jacob’s making you working Sundays now?”

Levi shrugged, releasing her when she moved to step back. “I don’t have

anything else to do. Might as well get a head start on the week’s work.”

Lily studied him as though trying to look right through him to find

something hidden. An agenda, maybe? He wanted to spend time with her

and get to know her better. He had no reason to hide it.

“Maybe I’d be up for a ride.” Lily looked down at her feet, seemingly

afraid to meet his eyes. “I’ll let you know in the morning.”

It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was obviously the only one he was

going to get. He’d have to take what he could get and “maybe” was a hell of

a lot better than “no.”

Like attempting to tame a feral animal, Levi thought his best bet for the

night was to quit while he was ahead. He’d given the invitation; there was

little else he could do.

“I think I’ll take my tired ass and jump in the shower.” Levi tucked his

gloves in his back pocket and tilted his hat up farther on his head. He took in

one last look, his eyes moving over every inch of her, committing detail to

memory. “Enjoy the sunset, Lily, and have a good rest of your night. I’ll see

you in the morning.”

She frowned and he couldn’t tell if it was disappointment or frustration in

her expression. Was it wrong to hope it was a little of both?

“You do sort of smell like a barn.” Her lips curled into a saucy smirk.

Finally, a little of that fire that drove him crazy. “Enjoy your shower, Levi.”

Levi turned, his feet reluctant to take him away from her. But he had to

play this right or he would ruin his chances of getting close to her. Besides,

there was no point in trying to seduce a woman when you smelled like dirt,

sweat, and stock animals. Real sexy.

Tomorrow. Another chance to win her over. And goddamn, Levi loved a

challenge.

Lily watched Levi climb into his pickup and drive away. He’d traded in his

usual cocky attitude for something a little more subdued. Maybe all it took to

take him down from his high horse was a day of hard work. The chain

squeaked as she swung, and Lily lifted her feet and tucked her legs against

her body on the cushion, allowing the swing to slowly come to a stop. The

sun sank lower beneath the horizon, leaving nothing but a neutral gray dusk

in its absence.

The breeze picked up in intensity, rustling the trees and bushes that

surrounded the house. Lily wrapped her arms around her middle. A chill

raced up her back and over her shoulders, though the air was warm enough.

The sight of Levi standing at the gate to the walkway with the brilliant

sunset as a backdrop had painted quite the breathtaking picture. He was 100

percent cowboy, and hell if that wasn’t the sexiest thing she’d seen in a long

time.

Still … Icy fingers of nervous energy danced over Lily’s skin. She wasn’t

ready to get close to anyone. Not with the current turmoil in her life. And

especially not with a gorgeous cowboy who was sure to break her heart. Of

course, that would mean she’d have to give him her heart to break. She was

already so unsure. So afraid of her own damn shadow that she didn’t think

she had the strength to give herself to anyone in that way. Her ability to trust,

to love, to be carefree and reckless had been stolen from her. Lily didn’t

think she would ever be the same, and no one, not even Levi, could turn

back the clock and make her into the person she used to be.

“Hey.” Sallie opened the screen door and leaned out. “Dinner’s about

ready. I’m just waiting on Jacob to finish up some paperwork in his office.”

“Okay.” Lily smiled. “I’ll be in in just a second.”

Sallie’s gaze wandered to the driveway. “Was that Levi who just left?”

“Um, yeah.” Lily’s cheeks heated. Why did she feel like she’d been

caught after curfew with a boy? “He was on his way home to take a shower.”

Sallie’s lips spread in a wide grin. “A shower, huh? Did he invite you to

join him?”

Lily rolled her eyes. She was wishing she hadn’t said anything about that

damned kiss to her friend. “No. But he did invite me to ride the property

with him tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?” If Sallie smiled any wider, her face would crack. “Are you

going to go with him?”

Lily shrugged. “I told him maybe, but I don’t think I will.”

Sallie’s expression fell. “Why not? I think it would be good for you.”

“I don’t know.” Lily looked down at her hands as if the solutions to all of

her problems lay in her palms. “I don’t think I’m ready.”

“It’s just a ride. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It doesn’t have to

be anything if you don’t want it to be. And I’m not about to encourage you

to do something you’re not ready to do. A little fun might be good for you,

though. Just don’t think of it as a date. Simply two people hanging out

together. You’ve got to be getting tired of me, Shay, and Tara,” Sallie added

with a laugh. “Besides, if Levi steps a toe out of line, it won’t be Jacob he’ll

have to worry about, because I’ll kick his ass myself.”

Lily smiled. “I don’t doubt that for a second.” In the few years since she’d

met Sallie, they’d become best friends. The only other person she trusted

implicitly was Shay. Outside of that, Lily was a closed book.

“You have to admit, though,” Sallie said with a mischievous grin, “there

are worse ways to spend a Sunday.”

Lily laughed at Sallie’s persistence. “I’m not going to argue with you on

that one.” She thought again about Levi’s strong silhouette against the

backdrop of the sunset and the way his gaze had raked over her body,

sending a shock of tingling heat over her skin. “He’s definitely nice to look

at.”

“He’s a good guy, Lil. I’m not saying that to sway you in any way. I just

want you to know.”

“Do you think Jacob is finally done wasting time in his office?” She was

done talking about Levi for the night.

“I’ll go check.” Sallie took the cue and ducked back into the house and the

screen door shut softly behind her. “Meet you inside.”

Lily nodded as she drew in a slow breath and released it. She tried to take

her friend’s words to heart, though. She knew not all guys were bad. Jacob

was a good man and he only surrounded himself with other good men. Levi

wouldn’t be here working at the ranch if he couldn’t be held up to Jacob’s

standards. God, how she wished she was the same girl she’d been a year ago.

Carefree. Unhindered. Delightfully naïve. Never suspicious. Never anxious.

Always looking for the best in people instead of worrying about what

nefarious personality traits might hide beneath the surface.

What upset her most was the thought that she might remain this jaded—

this damaged—for the rest of her life. Would she ever be able to open up to

anyone again?

Lily pushed herself up from the swing and headed toward the house.

Obsessing over things she couldn’t change would only throw her into

another anxiety attack. She was here to relax, clear her head, and find the

calm she so desperately needed.

The screen door closed behind her and she listened to Sallie and Jacob

exchange casual conversation as she made her way through the mudroom to

the kitchen. She wanted that with someone. Just a quiet night at home,

nothing special, but at the same time extraordinary. Was Levi the man to

give her that? She’d never know if she never took a chance.