09

I couldn't sleep that night, I was up thinking about Jax's questions about not liking his beta. The memories kept flashing in my mind and causing me to panic.

Barely being able to catch my breath and all I could do was cry out pathetic tears. Tears of fear, tears of tiredness, tears of weakness.

At 5AM I found myself wandering around the pack house endlessly. I needed to get my mind off of thinking about what Lucien's beta did to me. I needed a distraction. Literally anything.

Discovering a room that I hadn't come across before, feeling certain that the door has always been closed. Except this time it was ajar and I couldn't help the curiosity build up inside me so I crept in.

My hand slides up the side of the wall until my fingers press down on the light switch. The room instantly lights up and my eyes quickly look around. It was an office, it had to be Jax's office.

Wandering over to his glass desk, I pick up the nearest picture that is facing away from me. Turning the gold plated frame around in my hands, my eyes scan the whole photo.

It was Jax and another girl. She had dark blonde hair with piercing blue eyes and olive skin. Jax was kissing her cheek and she was showing her straight pearly white teeth.

Who was she? I thought.

I study the picture for a few minutes whilst different questions race through my mind.

"What are you doing?" A voice behind me snaps me back into reality. My body jolts and my fingers let go of the frame, it smashes onto the floor by my bare feet.

Panic floods through me like no other, I'm in so much trouble. Fuck. I turn around to see who had busted me, my mouth gapes and I can't bring myself to say anything.

It was Kayden.

"I-I..." I stutter before I reach down and start to pick up the glass from the frame. Frantically picking them up too quickly which resulted in grazing my fingers with the tiny shards of glass, blood instantly raising to the surface.

I don't even think about the pain. I'm struck in fear of Kayden, I feel my body shake at the presence of him.

He slowly walks towards me. "Fuck, Ava you're bleeding!" He says as he bends down to my level.

Pushing myself away from him as quickly as I can, tears well in my eyes. "Get away from me." I say through gritted teeth. Nausea was bubbling inside my stomach at the close proximity to him.

His eyebrows furrow at me sympathetically. "It's okay Ava." He says as he puts his hands up to me calmly.

He reaches forward again. "Hey, let me just lo—"

I can't help the deafening scream that leaves my mouth as he reaches for me. Closing my eyes to try and block out all the crucifying emotions I'm feeling. Blood rushes to my ears and everything slowed down, feeling dizzy and disorientated.

Voices start talking but I can't hear what they're saying. I feel myself begin to panic, my breaths quickening to the point where I am completely gasping for air.

A gentle hand clasps the back of my neck and an instant sense of calm runs over my body, my skin raises in goosebumps.

The voices continue but I have no idea what is being said.

Just breathe, Ava. You can do this. I think.

The hand from behind my neck is replaced by two hands on my face. The ringing in my ears reduce and I can hear the voice clearer.

"Open your eyes Ava." It's Jax's voice, my body relaxes.

Slowly opening them, I am met by his breathtaking blue eyes. Before I know it my breathing is back to normal. How could my panic attack be over in a matter of seconds?

"It's okay baby, it's okay." He says looking at me with pure worry. "I've got you."

A tear rolls down my cheek in distress and Jax instantly wipes it away with his thumb.

He removes his hand from my face and looks down to my hands that are cut by the glass. "They're only shallow." He says as he reaches up by his desk and grabs some tissue.

He gently daps my cuts, soaking up the few droplets of blood that had raised to the surface.

More tears continue to roll down my face. "I'm sorry, I-I smashed y-your picture." I say shakily. "It was an accident, I promise."

His hands find my face again and I almost melt at the contact. I never thought I could allow a man to touch me so intimately but there is just something about the way Jax handles me. He was gentle and patient, the most care I've had in a long time.

Maybe that's what he means by the bond.

"It doesn't matter Ava, it's just a frame." He says with an little smile. "It can be replaced."

My bottom lip quivers and I don't know why I can't stop crying. I feel sad yet feel so content and I was confused. So confused.

"Why are you crying?" He asks and I instantly shake my head.

I don't even know what to say.

"Hmmm?" He hums and brings his forehead down to rest on mine. I close my eyes in pure ecstasy at the way his skin feels against me.

"I don't know." I say.

"Yes you do." He responds and I open my eyes to be met with his.

I look down frowning. "The bond has grown stronger, I can read your thoughts." He speaks.

Instantly pulling my head back from him, I furrow my eyebrows towards him. "You can read my thoughts?" I ask in shock.

He nods. "Sometimes, yeah."

Panic floods through me and I instantly shake my head at him. "Don't read my thoughts." My face scrunches up. "I'm fucked up and my thoughts they're dark and my memories, I'm just ruined." I speak.

"Hey," he cups my face once more. "You are not fucked up okay?"

"I am." I sigh lowering my head so he can't look at my face.

His fingers grip my chin slightly and forces me to look at him. "You are not fucked up." He states harshly. "People have done fucked up things to you, they are fucked up. Not you."

I don't say anything for a few moments.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He asks.

My bottom lip is wedged between my teeth as I begin to pick at the skin. "I don't understand how I can feel so safe around you, yet still be so terrified." I state.

"What are you scared of?" He asks and shifts slightly so his hand rests on the back of my neck again.

"Everything." I whisper as I avoid his intense gaze.

"You're not scared of me are you?" He questions softly.

I don't even have to think about my answer. "No." I whisper before looking at him again.

A breathtaking smile develops on his face. "Good, because I'm only ever going to protect you and be there for you forever."

My heart begins to hammer in my chest and adoration spreads throughout my body. I take a few moments to say anything back because I felt overwhelmed.

"Forever?" I repeat his words. A feeling that I have never felt before takes control of my body, a buzz of warmth.

"Forever because I'm all yours." He breathes down onto my lips and never takes his eyes off mine.