[06] - +189

Day + 189.

I was not too bored. I still didn't understand how I had managed to cross the sea without a dramatic shipwreck, but I was happy that I arrived on dry land. In fact, I landed in Egypt as soon as I saw the coast, I didn't want to tell you about luck. I found an old but well-maintained jeep, stocked up on food and started to roll. I started with the closest ruins I found and then went to the pyramids. I didn't go in, the entrance was closed. I went to the next tourist spots where the other Hayden had taken pictures and posted. Perhaps, in one of them, I would find an answer about what was happening there.

I admit I didn't get very far. I continued on to Dubai where I came across a beautiful house by the beach. I paused. I started to exercise and fill my time with as many fun things as possible. There were a few times when I found myself thinking about Willy Wonka's enigmatic phrases and golden notes.

I had time to make short trips around the area. I walked with my feet on the warm sand of paradisiacal beaches and slept in the light of the huge moon. The eternal sound of the waves gave me the perfect feeling that I was on vacation escaping the hectic life. Even if it was an illusion, it was enough.

I opened the fridge that afternoon taking a bottle of lemon juice. I filled a glass and walked to the balcony feeling the breeze on my face. I sat by the pool with my feet in the water. Hayden was beside me. Heat emanated from him like a magical aura. Each day, I could feel him a little more, see him a little more, even if it was like a ghostly figure.

I took a sip of the cold juice as a drop of sweat ran down my forehead. I lay down feeling the sun against my skin with the music low in the headphones.

It was late afternoon, and shades of orange painted the sky. I wished I could keep that moment forever, but it quickly eluded me. A distant sound made me get up in alarm.

First, there were musical notes out of harmony, then silence, and then River Flows In You continued to play. I took off the headphones that played bass, I couldn't believe the music was coming from outside.

- Hayden, are you listening to this? - Said waiting for an answer, but he was no longer around.

I got up and walked to the living room looking for him.

- Hayden? - I called again without feeling his presence, it was strange.

How did I manage to lose someone who lived inside my head? I continued listening to music without knowing if it was real. I opened the huge door and walked to the street. There were five more houses nearby, but I only had to walk to my neighbor to find out where the sound was coming from.

I climbed the first steps leading to the entrance apprehensively, knocked on the door expectantly. The music didn't stop and no voice answered. I turned the handle, hoping it was locked, but when I pushed the door forward, it opened.

My steps were slow and silent. I held my breath for fear that they would hear me. What if it was a person? Could I trust her? How did she find me? Could it be a mere coincidence? Did she know I was next door?

I so wanted there to be someone else, but I hadn't thought about what it would be like to find her.

I leaned against the wall walking sideways like a spy. I got to the corner and leaned over, leaning over looking at the room where the music was coming from.

Black hair, blue sleeveless blouse, and shorts. The boy was barefoot with his feet under the piano pedals. I hid again and heard the music stop. I was ready to run, but the voice stopped me.

- Why don't you come in?

For a moment my heart stopped. It was not possible. I got up in a trance, entered the room without controlling my movements. It was Hayden's voice, the voice that had been inhabiting my mind for so long.

I stopped beside the syrup piano in a mixture of dread and awe. It would be possible?

In a strange attitude, I extended my index finger and touched his cheek. It was real (was it?). I opened my hand to gently touch his face. In his white skin, fine veins appreciate faded, his eyes had shades of blue like a dark ocean. A beard that was starting to grow scratched the palm of my hand and the heat of his body emanated to mine when holding my hand.

It was Hayden. Or not? Was it the person who was talking to me on the internet?

- Who are you? - I asked taking a step back.

- Hayden Dwight.

- No. I created Hayden Dwight. He's a voice in my head, a delusion to help me deal with the fact that people are gone ... or never existed. You can't have the name that I gave a voice. You can't be like I imagined him.

My hands touched my head like it was going to explode with all that.

- Why not?

His voice was the same, the same tone Hayden used to ask me questions. Every bit of that stranger was a materialization of my imagination.

- You are the one who spoke to me on the internet. How did you find me? - I said noting the only rational option.

- No ... - his voice sounded almost disappointed - I found you because I was here all the time. I am your Hayden, not the other.

I shook my head disagreeing with each of his words. He wasn't Hayden, he couldn't be my Hayden.

"You are not my Hayden," I said aloud, trying to make sense of my thoughts.

Everything was even more confusing (if it was possible). I looked for some trace of rationality in myself and found an answer that seemed plausible. Who knows, maybe he was my Hayden? My mind would have flipped to a point where I started to see it. It was possible (wasn't it?). Maybe my subconscious had seen a photo in his apartment that I let go unnoticed and the person who was talking to me on the internet was just someone pretending to be my Hayden, playing with me. Someone who was watching me. Or maybe, it was all delirious and there was no one on the other side of the internet.

- I'm Hayden - he repeated and touched my hand again - You gave me that name when you were in my apartment. We found the tracks together and I didn't let you fall. Yesterday we ate chocolate marshmallows and talked about how you wanted fruits not to spoil. You miss eating the crispy lettuce inside a hamburger. We concluded that a good name for your biography would be The Queen of a World without Subjects and in your back pocket, you always keep the cards with the clues even if you don't want to think about them.

I didn't know what else to think. He knew what I had done, things that were on my mind. Either he was my Hayden, a more elaborate delusion, or someone who had been watching me. Any of the possibilities sounded plausible and terrifying.

- Yesterday you dreamed of a teddy bear shower.

- Is that you...

Maybe it was my loneliness screaming, but I couldn't resist, I threw myself into his arms in an awkward embrace. Meat, bones, blood running through your veins. His beat sounded against my chest as his scent of sunscreen and mint entered my nostrils.

- We have to move on - he whispered in my ear returning the hug - Find out what all this means. We can't do anything forever.

I walked away laughing. I was the first person to make a metaphor literal. I had embraced my madness. I couldn't stop now.

- No, we don't need to do anything. I have you. In the most real way, I can imagine. Why would I want to go after clues that may not lead anywhere? And luckily, I'm a human being, so nothing is forever.

- No! That's the reason you brought me to life. You need someone to help you deal with all this, to keep you going even when you don't want to. You want to understand this world, I know you do and I will help you.

He was right, I wanted to end all the mystery, to know the reason for everything, I always wanted to, but it was too difficult alone. Maybe with him, I would have a chance, a motivator to keep me going. Was that the reason for my delirium? Should I stop calling Hayden a Delusion?

- We will! - I announced motivated walking out of the room - Let's get to the end of it all! Find out who is pretending to be you. Who is responsible for this lack of chaos in the world. Understand what happened to everyone.

Without thinking twice, I did my last test with Hayden. I took the keys out of my pocket and tossed them to him. He deftly grabbed the object in midair.

- It's incredible! - I touched his soft cheek again with eyes shining with shock.

I couldn't help thinking about Clube da Luta, I imagined someone would see this situation. I would be interacting with myself, or with an imaginary vision projected in the air. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I could see and touch him.

- Let's not waste time! - I took his hand and pulled him out of the house - There must be more cards and clues out there.

- Where do we start? - he asked pulling me back causing me to slow down my speed and animation.

He linked his arm with mine and we walked calmly down the street.

- I think ... we could start reviewing the cards. We start there and then think about what to do.

- So let's start - he smiled looking into my eyes, I had missed that feeling.