Chapter 4 - The king of bastards

TARA'S POV

Rolling over, I plainly hit the cozy warm body that was lying behind me, spooning me. For a moment I smiled, my mind unconsciously racing to 18 years ago, when the hard chest I would hit while stirring would be my roommate's ... I didn't need to turn around to know it wasn't Lukas. I won't deny my heart dropped a little, but, well, I guess happily ever after doesn't exist, does it?11

"Good morning." The smooth voice I'm used to hear in my headphones while guiding him through the show sounded different in such predicament, but still sexy.

I cracked a small smile, the same that had fell just a moment earlier, and turned my head. "Good morning." I repeated.

Jeremy grinned, better embracing me, and cautiously pecked my lips, eyes half closed. I'd like to say that, when last night we had dinner, I didn't intend to go through the whole length of the date, I was drunk, I barely remember having sex with my friend slash boss ... I'd lie.

I knew very well what I was doing, I was perfectly lucid, actually, I barely drank any wine at all, so, when Jeremy called a cab for the both of us, I didn't really think it over, I just told the cabby to take us to Jeremy's place. Call it revenge, payback, whatever you like.

Within 18 years together, my husband has been all but faithful, what's my one time against his countless ones? Well, maybe not countless, but still relevant for a number, especially the one happened three years ago. It was a lesson learned, that one, you know. 21

Always beware of too wide smiles. I should have prefigured that long time ago, given my experience with my ex best friend, but I wanted to think positive for once. Besides, I couldn't hate the woman in advance, our daughters were best friends, that's why I pushed myself to like her ... for Nicky's sake.1

I should have known the reason behind always wanting Nicky to come over at my worst moments was that her father would go pick her up. I should have known it was all studied. He freaking used his daughter as cover, that's what I cannot digest. He can cheat on me all he wants, but I'll never forgive him for using my little girl as an excuse.

I don't even want to know whether their thing had been going on for long or that time was the first one, I just know that I will never forget the night I spent comforting my daughter when she came home, crying because she'd witnessed her dad's betrayal. She was barely 13, for God's sakes, let alone the vulgar scene a minor had to see, but to be betrayed by her own father at such a young age, it's obvious that it took a toll on her. And yet the moron still wonders why does she hate him this much.7

Jeremy placed a small, tender kiss on my temple, inhaling deeply, taking me off my pitiful thoughts, and I smiled for that, better sinking in his arms. "I'll go make you breakfast, don't move, alright?" He stated, placing a kiss on my cheek this time.

I smiled more widely, agreeing, and let go of him, rolling over on my back to watch him leave. I'm not sure I should indulge in this, not because I'm married, but because, what Jeremy feels for me ... I don't really reciprocate, I'm afraid.

I mean, yes, I care for him, and I'm certainly not blind or immune to his charm, but ... to say I'm in love? Nah. I do like these moments with him, but even the cheapest therapist would tell you I'm only lingering in this sweetness because I miss what I had with my husband.1

The man I've loved so deeply is long gone, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him. When that man left, he was replaced by this heartless idiot that's so similar to that high school bad boy I merely tolerated, but upon leaving, that man inevitably took away a big portion of my heart.

I've spent 18 years of my life with Lukas Bennet, I've loved him with every single beat of my heart, I've given him my all, I've taken the leap I never thought I could after Jason, just because he decided to repay me with betrayal, that doesn't mean I don't miss what we had. I fucking do. Every moment of very day.

And sometimes I wonder, was it my fault? Was I too focused on my career? Didn't I give him all he needed? Is that why he went out seeking it somewhere else? 2

Then I recall ... he's just a heartless player that's held himself back for a while. He liked playing perfect husband and father for a few years, I guess, then he got tired, and decided he wanted an out. Lukas is like that, whenever the thing doesn't meet his taste, he'll easily ditch it. I guess that, having a family didn't meet his taste.

Sighing, I covered my eyes with my arm. Yesterday I called my friend Halley to babysit my children – because I was damn sure the moron wouldn't go home after work –, and she said she would watch over them for as long as I needed, but that doesn't mean I can just abandon them, she might have prepared them to go to school this morning, but it's their mom they'll want to see tonight at dinner. I'll have to tell them the truth.

I'll have to look into those innocent eyes and tell them the truth. Nicky won't even care, she'll probably be glad, I think, but Gloria and Zach? They're too little to understand. Especially Zach ... he's only 9, therefore still in that 'daddy is my hero' kind of phase, how can I arrogate the right to spoil that? For as much as right now I hate my husband, I can't ruin his relationship with his children. With Nicky it's already been destroyed, Gloria is easily brainwashed by her big sister, and she's starting to see reality, but Zach still likes to think his daddy is Superman, who am I to change his mind?1

***

When I pulled over my driveway, I noticed an unfamiliar red sportive car, and consequently my jaw clenched. He's bringing his bitch home now too? Hastily parking, my blood already boiling, I stepped off my car, and stomped straight to the entrance of our suburban home, ready to wage war.

Jeremy was a sweetheart today, even at work, and he managed to get my mind off of my troubles, but now I come home to find my cheating husband with his bitch ... you can bet my good mood was crushed.

I marched inside, my jaw clenching and unclenching, and I headed straight upstairs. I swear, if he's using our own bed for his dirty deeds, I can't promise I won't go all Lorena Bobbit on him.

Strengthened by hatred, forged by years of misdeeds, I stomped my way along the corridor, until I reached our, well, my bedroom, considering he's been sleeping in the study since mid-summer, and thrust the door open. The sight I found, I wasn't, never could have been ready for it.

***

LUKAS' POV

Sighing, I grabbed my shirt and put it back on. The third time in less than 24 hours, I'm officially the king of bastards. Raking a hand over my face, I beheld the sleeping figure on the bed, barely covered by the sheets, her young, perfect body was on full show. The perfection of youth and beauty molded together to form such a sinfully delicious frame. 6

Valentine Bruant came here as my intern all the way from France, when I first met her, she struck me as a clever woman that knew what she wanted, and I liked her for that, but even back then, I was well aware of the dangers such a tempting goddess could bring upon my wobbling fidelity. I had to go through marriage, to find out that, in the end, I'm not at all cut for being faithful.1

Back in the day I was probably too inebriated, too dazed by my roaring feelings to understand that, I was young, had finally caught my baby girl's heart, I was convinced we could work it, we could live happily ever after, because I was willing to pour every single bit of myself into it, I loved my Tarry to no end, so I was persuaded I would never do anything that might hurt her ... how wrong I was.

Buttoning my shirt, I decided it was time to go home. I can't be a coward for the rest of my life, can I? God knows I'd rather face Hell than restart fighting with my wife or my daughter, but I can't just disappear till further notice, don't you think? I have other two children to mind. I guess that's one thing I'd have never foreseen for myself, back in the day. 40-years-old, successful oncologist, married with children. High school me wouldn't believe his eyes.

Once I'd finished getting dressed, I grabbed keys, wallet and phone, and headed out, without a word, while Valentine lied there on bed, asleep. I won't deny it, having sex after weeks of nothing felt heavenly. Maybe that's one big reason why I didn't really bother coming straight to her place from work tonight. I can pretend I'm a reformed man all I want, but in the end, I'm still the same selfish idiot I was back in the day, that's why it's not always easy to turn down sexy offers.

Go ahead, say it, you're a bastard. I already know I am, thank you very much, I am the king of bastards.

I got in the car and drove off without remorse, I'll deal with Valentine and this mess tomorrow, right now all I needed was a cold shower, and maybe some peaceful time with Zach. Apparently my 9-years-old son is the only one that tolerates me in that house, these days. I'm waiting for the moment when his sisters will bring him to their side, and I'll be left alone with my bastard self. Not that I don't deserve it, I know I do.

When yesterday I slapped my wife, I realized all of this had come too far. We cannot drag it on any further, this crisis has been ongoing since too long, and I don't see the end of it, so between hurting everybody and just giving up, I guess the best choice is the easiest one.

I've loved my wife to no end, but these days I can barely stand being with her, in the same room, that is. After all, we barely talk anymore, and when we do, we just fight, so what's the point in dragging on a marriage that will never give us anything but hurt, anger and disappointment? It's only right to acknowledge failure when you come to it. She wants divorce, and divorce she'll have.

When I arrived home, I found my wife's car parked in the driveway, and that already had me sigh, conscious that war would start way before I predicted, but I also frowned when I noticed the unknown vehicle right beside hers.

Do we have visitors? Who could it be? I'd think of that stupid anchorman, there, who's so casually head over heels for her and with whom she's already cuckolded me that time, even if she won't admit it, but I know his car, and that wasn't his, so whose? My wife's too taken by her job to be able to get lovers outside of it, unless it's her ex ... Aaron, who's still hanging around.

He's just a friend, she always says, he's your freaking ex, I say, but then we start over the nth fight about how am I not entitled to tell her off after all my misdeeds, that she can be friends with whoever the fuck she wants, I cannot command her ... and blah, blah, blah.

Maybe I cannot command my wife, I wouldn't even want to, but you'll excuse me if I'll have my doubts when I come to know she takes a job her ex found for her, that she works in his very same environment, that she sees him often ... how can I not have doubts?

Especially when I know the idiot never got married because he's still so in love with her? Who tells me that, all these years, when she would hold it against me for my matrimonial crimes, she wasn't doing the same? She easily cheated on me with that Jeremy guy three years ago, who tells me she hasn't been doing the same with Aaron? For all I know, he might have not gotten married because they've been together since day one. Maybe I have been the side guy all these years, who knows.7

Parking right behind Tara, I got off my, well, more like Valentine's car, seeing as I borrowed it without saying anything, mine being at the mechanic's for the yearly checkup, and once I'd locked it, making a mental note to text my intern about it, I headed inside.

I could hear loud voice from upstairs, so I followed them, only to frown when I beheld my wife frantically waving her hands in the air as she barked words I could hardly catch.

"What's going on here?" I asked as I approached her.

"Oh, perfect, just you I was missing!" She complained, rolling her eyes. Time ago I'd have been hurt, right now I really didn't care. I know she hates me, and she has every reason to.

"What happened?" I asked, ignoring her jab.

"None of your business." Tara spat, turning back to the whatever scene in our bedroom.

My jaw clenched, as I neared her. "It is my fucking business what happens in my fucking hou-what the ..." I was pushed back before I could even move one single muscle, Tara slammed the door closed before my eyes, holding me back as if I were some enraged bull ready to snap any minute now. And indeed I was.

TARA'S POV

No matter how much I tried to hold him back, he just pushed me aside and thrust the door open. I could see his eyes becoming slits when he beheld the scene, I would have sworn there was also blood in those same blue sky orbs, but I didn't have time to wonder, I just jumped in front of him, to prevent him from being an unthinking ass. "Nicole, get dressed and leave. You and your friend, right now."2

I know my husband wouldn't hit his daughter, but I also know that the last time she was caught with a boy, Lukas went berserk on said boy, nearly risking a conviction for battery. It's like high school bad boy all over again: unable to think, unable to restrain his instincts, selfish, violent ... in a word, a moronic asshole. Times like this, I wonder whether the guy I fell in love with was just an illusion.

When upon opening the door to my bedroom I found the appalling scene of my 16-years-old daughter straddling some boy I've never seen, both naked, evidently busy doing what they weren't supposed to, my own blood evaporated in anger, but I have more control than my husband's.2

"Why are you even protecting her?!" Lukas roared in my ears as I tried my best to hold him back, but I didn't answer. "This is the last one, Nicole! The last one!"

She snorted in response. With the corner of my eyes I could see the boy hastily getting dressed, evidently scared, while my daughter took her sweet time, even uncaring that there was her own father there that could see her nudities. Well, that might have been the last one of their problems, I guess.2

I pushed back Lukas as much as I could while the boy scuttled outside, followed by a phlegmatic Nicky that was adjusting her off-she-shoulder t-shirt, completely impassive to the enraged bull that was her dad right now. I have no doubt she was purposely trying to provoke him.

Lukas pushed back against me, fought me, in order to be freed, but I resisted as much as I could, knowing that maybe he would never lay a hand on his daughter, he never has, but when he's in unthinking ass mood, you never know what comes out of his temper tantrums.1

"Oh, come on, get over it." Nicky snapped, standing right behind me, I guess having suicidal instincts tonight. "I'm just following your footsteps." She pointed out – with a bit of reason, but that's not the point.

I pushed back Lukas as best as I could, using my whole strength to gain time in order to get to my daughter and hide her behind me. Like I said, my husband is a cheating asshole, hot-headed, a jerk for crying out loud, I'm 100% sure he would never hit his children, but ... well, you never know.

"Seems only right that a daughter's whore is a whore herself, don't you think, Lukas?" Nicky provoked, trying to bypass me. Definitely these two share the same DNA, damnit. I admire my daughter's guts, though, can't deny it. Oh, she's gonna be punished for life, don't worry, but I admire her bravery in facing her father even while he was so furious.

Also, she kinda voiced my thoughts, aside from the daughter being a whore, that is. My husband is a manwhore, let's be honest, what's there to doubt?

"You think you're safe only because your mother is such a wimp?!" Lukas barked, his voice ever so booming. "You're dead wrong, Nicole, dead wrong! Just because your mother thinks it's okay to let you do all you want, doesn't mean you'll win." He punched the wall beside the door, kinda blocking us both from leaving, and I instinctively grabbed my daughter and forcedly caged her behind me. Like I said, you never know.

I remember how Big Bad Bennet was years ago, terrorizing the school halls, and I'm seeing even too many snippets of that old bad boy to be so sure he won't act rash and violent, but before he lays one hand on my daughter, he'll have to pass over my dead body.

Lukas noticed what I was doing, and his blue sky eyes gained a darker shade, one I'm not sure I've ever seen in him, but it wasn't really ire, better said, it was that mixed with disappointment and hurt. He leaned both his hands against the wall, and I held my breaths, not sure what to do next, because he'd never showed such fury before.

It was truly like seeing the Big Bad Bennet all over again, the same boy I, horrified, have seen reverse all the violence he was capable of on whomever crossed his road.

You think Lukas Bennet is the sweet, caring guy that worked his best to make me fall for him? You don't know him at all. I'm seriously starting to think that the lovely phase was only an illusion, a game he played until he got tired. I'm starting to be more and more convinced that my Lukas, the sweet and understanding yet sexy guy I feel in love with years ago never existed: it might have been just an act. God knows my husband is awfully good at acting.

Slowly, he seemed to be calming down, but my grip on Nicky's wrists didn't relent, I still held her there, behind me, to protect her from every chance, even the most remote one, that her own father would lose his mind once for all and get as much violent as he was back in the day, when he was her age. However, my grip on her did relent, even if unconsciously, when Lukas, raking a hand over his hair, sighed, then spat: "Alright then, since you won't follow this house's rules, you may as well leave, Nicole."

She snorted, crossing her arms over her chest, disbelieving as much as I, but he wasn't joking.

"I mean it." He raised his arm to indicate the door. "Out."

"What ..."

"I said, out. Until you prove maturity, you won't be welcome in this house anymore."

"You can't-"

"I said, get out of this fucking house!"

She did. I watched, unable to move nor talk, as my daughter left the room, muttering obscenities under her breath. My heart felt heavy, my breathing was uneven, I couldn't even move, it happened all so fast: in a few minutes Nicky was sprinting down the hall, reaching the stairs, leaving, without a single remorse.

My eyes clouding with tears, I gaped at my daughter as she disappeared from my sight.

"Just until she learns the lesson." My husband mentioned, coming beside me, his voice now calmer.

My jaw clenched, and before I knew it, I was turning around, my hand was colliding with his moronic face, enough to have it turn, and I shouted: "You're the one that needs to leave! You've done nothing but break this family! Pack your things and go sleep with your bitch, I'm fed up with you! Just leave us all in peace!"9

I left him there, and ran through the stairs, to reach my daughter before she could go too far. Luckily, she was still on the driveway, texting.

"Nicky." I called, breathless.

She turned, hatred clear in her eyes. "Alonzo is coming to pick me up, I'll stay at his place."

"No, you-"

"Just leave me alone, mom."

I saw the car pulling over, a dark vehicle I'd seen a bit too much hanging around my house, inside, some shady kid with glasses covering half of his face.

"Who's that?" I asked instinctively, then shook my head. "Never mind. Nicky, get inside."

She snorted. "You heard him, I don't have such privilege anymore."

I shook my head once more. "Forget that, get inside."

"If he doesn't want me at home, then I won't be. I don't care anyways."

I grabbed her arm before she could step on that rat trap. "No. You're staying."

"Mom-"

I pulled her back to me, and bent to speak to the driver. "You can leave, young man, my daughter isn't going anywhere."

"Mom-"

"I said you're staying, Nicky."

"But he ..."

"I don't give a shit about what your father says. We're getting divorced anyways."

Her blue sky eyes – so identical to her dad's – lit up, regrettably, in hope and contentment. "You serious?"

I sighed, pulling her into me, for a hug I needed way more than her, and I kissed her temple. "You were right all along, my baby, I should have listened to you long ago."

I felt tingles as she wrapped her slender arms around my torso. Ever since this war started, we've barely hugged, I've barely been able to stop my daughter's race and embrace her, finally, I could. Placing a kiss on her hair, no matter the tears pooling my eyes, I stated: "It'll be just us from now on, Nicky, I promise."

"Won't you take him back when he'll beg you to?" She asked, voice muffled by my chest.

I shook my head, resolute. I heard the front door be slammed, clear sign Lukas was getting out, and I guess that's why I spoke louder this time, so that he would hear me too: "No, my baby, no. Your father and I are done. No going back."