What If I Can't Forgive

When I got home that day, I didn't let my husband see my weakness as usual nor did I tell him anything about my pregnancy. The following day was the day for the appointment with my lawyer, and I knew I needed to be composed and strong.

Finally, the day came. I carefully selected my outfit, wanting to look put-together. I chose a sleek, navy blue pencil skirt that accentuated my figure, paired with a crisp, off shoulder and a crop top. I slipped on a pair of nude, pointed-toe heels that added height and elegance to my posture. To complete the look, I wore a fitted blazer that hugged my curves in all the right places.

Gazing into the mirror, I adjusted a loose strand of hair and applied a touch of red lipstick to my lips. Looking back at me was a lady who had been through so much, but refused to let it define her as I smiled at my reflection in the mirror.

Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I made my way to the sitting room to retrieve my car keys. As I turned the corner, I caught sight of my husband walking out of his room. He was already dressed.

I watched him walk out the door and head towards his car as he climbed in, started the engine and drove off.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I quickly gathered my belongings and walked out to my car. I climbed inside, the leather seats cool against my skin and then, I drove off.

As I arrived at my lawyer's office, I realised my husband had arrived before me. My lawyer, Mr. Stevens, greeted me with a professional smile as I made my way into his office.

"Sorry I'm late," I said, leaning against the doorframe. "Traffic held me up."

Mr. Stevens smiled, “It's fine.” He said and gestured for me to take a seat. As I settled in beside my husband, our eyes barely met as we both knew this was the beginning of the end.

"Alright," Mr. Stevens began, taking a seat behind his desk. "Let's get right into it, shall we? Why do you both want to proceed with a divorce?"

I shot a wary glance at my husband before taking a deep breath. The memories flooded back, making my heart ache all over again. "On our wedding day," I started, my voice wavering slightly, "I caught my husband with my best friend. I walked in on them. And not only that, I found explicit pictures of them together, naked pictures."

Mr. Stevens raised an eyebrow. "I see. Mr. Cornell Smith why do you want a divorce?" he asked, turning his attention to my husband.

My husband's face remained impassive, his eyes cold as he spoke. "I don't love her," he stated matter-of-factly. "She pressured me into marrying her, emotionally blackmailing me."

My heart sank at his words. How had we reached this point? Memories of the love we once shared seemed like a distant dream.

Mr. Stevens continued, his voice calm and composed. "Are you both certain about this decision? Divorce is a serious step, and it's important to be certain before proceeding," he warned.

I glanced at my husband once more. This hadn't been my plan. I had hoped to spend my life with him, to build a future together. But now, everything has crumbled beneath my feet.

In a moment of clarity, I found my voice. “Yes. I am sure and my ex husband to be is sure as well.”

My ex husband to be seemingly caught off guard by my declaration, shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Mr. Stevens leaned back in his chair, his gaze assessing both of us carefully. "Divorce is a significant decision, one that cannot be made lightly," he reiterated. "If there's any chance of reconciliation, it's essential to explore that path. Counselling, communication, working together as a couple…”

“Mr. Stephen, I am very certain, very certain." Said my ex husband to be.

"Well, I'm sorry. Court can't grant you your divorce," my lawyer, Stephen, went ahead to explain to me why I and my husband can't divorce. We are only a few months old in this marriage and can't be resolved so soon. Hearing his words, I felt disappointed.

Stephen leaned back in his leather chair, studying my crestfallen expression.

"Listen to me, Mrs Ava Smith," he began. "There are ups and downs in marriages. Resolving conflicts requires patience and understanding. Divorce shouldn't be the first option on the table."

I stared at Stephen. How was I supposed to forgive my husband for his deceit? The pain was still raw.

Stephen sighed heavily, a sign that he had dealt with similar situations before with other clients. “Ava, I'm not saying it will be easy. Forgiveness is a choice, and it is a process. By choosing to forgive, you give yourself room to heal. It doesn't mean you condone what your husband did, but it gives you the power to move forward."

I rested my elbows on his desk, burying my face in my hands, I felt helpless, disappointed that even the court can't help me at the moment. And meanwhile, all my husband could do was observe the scene.

"But what if I can't forgive?" I whispered helplessly. I raised my head, tears brimming in my eyes as I met Stephen's gaze. "He already stated he is not in love with me and besides, I don't know if I can forgive him," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You won't know until you try," he replied gently. "Marriage isn't just about the good times; it's about weathering the storms together. And sometimes, the storm can bring you closer than ever before."

I wiped away a stray tear from my eyes as I gazed up at my husband who seemed to act like he didn't notice my tears, his cold eyes were on Stephen.

“Thank you Mr Stephen. I'll be on my way now. I have work to catch up with.” Said my husband as I watched him stand and leave.