Chapter 10

Alder checked out the hotel room, happy that Danica had a couple nights here instead of cooped up on the bus. Nothing fancy, a junior suite with a lounge area, a small table, and two queen-size beds behind French doors, but on the rare occasions Danica, Jesse and him got a room, they had only a king-size with a chair in the corner.

The suite was for Shiori’s comfort. Danica wanted to ease the girl into touring with the band.

He wasn’t at all disappointed the new girl had decided to go all in tonight. Even though he’d brought up her confrontation with Brave, he respected her determination.

And he needed some time alone with his woman and his man.

Neither had gotten on his case too much about jumping the fan, but he sensed them holding back. Almost like…like they were hesitant to bring up anything that would piss him off.

Like everyone had been around Brave for years.

Which didn’t sit well with him at all.

“Do you want something to drink? I can call for some tea.” Danica moved to stand by the table, resting her hip against it as she watched him wander aimlessly around the room. “Or something stronger if you’d like?”

“Don’t do that, Danica.” He groaned when her brow rose slightly. She waited for him to clarify. “Don’t be all careful talking to me. I won’t break if you yell at me.”

“I have no reason to yell at you.” Danica frowned, folding her arms over her breasts. “I’m not happy that you jumped the barrier. I hate that you got in a fight. You scared me.” She pressed her eyes shut. “But I’m not mad anymore.”

“Anymore?” He moved closer to her, the distance between them like a chill settling deep in his core. When she sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, the cold melted away. He buried his face in her hair. “So you were.”

“Of course I was!” She playfully smacked him upside the head. “I’ll never be okay with you getting hurt. But you made a choice and you’ll face the consequences. I won’t always be around to nag at you about acting like a twelve-year-old.”

“Ouch. Twelve?” Alder made a face. She didn’t have to nag at all when she said stuff like that. In a few words, she’d dismissed his behavior as reckless and childish. If he fucked up his career it was all on him. Fair enough. “Can I at least be legal?”

She rolled her eyes. “Sure. Legal and immature. Better?”

Not really. He hugged her tight, resting his head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She leaned back, fingers laced behind his neck as he straightened. “We have more to discuss, but we’ll wait for Jesse. How about that drink?”

“I’m good with water, but call for some tea. Jesse will probably have some with you.”

“Herb tea then?” Danica’s lips slanted. “He won’t admit how much he enjoys a cup before bed, but whenever Brave or I make a pot, he has some. I’m not sure which is his favorite.”

“Chamomile. He’s getting over this fucked up idea that tea is for chicks.” Alder held up his hands as her eyes narrowed. “I’ve never met his dad, but I’ve heard horror stories. The fucker would have put whiskey in Jesse’s baby bottle if he could.”

“I wish that surprised me.”

“Yeah…well, he’s been trying to get me to drink tea at night. Even messaged me some study about how it can help with insomnia.” Alder snorted and shook his head. “Not convinced.”

“Wait, he messaged you about it?” Brow furrowed, Danica leaned back a little more. “As opposed to just having a conversation?”

“He’s getting better.” Alder knew Jesse’s issues with basic communication annoyed Danica, but that ran just as deep as the tea dilemma. Guys didn’t discuss their feelings, or show emotions, or fuck other dudes.

Rejecting his father’s narrow-minded views had taken Jesse years. He’d claimed his sexuality early on, but then hooked up with men who treated him like shit, almost like he was punishing himself.

Letting himself love Alder, and accepting the love Alder had for him for so long, was a huge step. Giving his heart to Danica as well was another. Jesse had come far in a short time, but sometimes his conditioning came back to haunt him.

Alder thought he had to be the mediator between Danica and Jesse at first. Make sure Jesse wasn’t too gruff with her and she wasn’t too impatient with him. They had a weird dynamic he still hadn’t figured out, but even when they bickered, they had a strong connection. Respected one another enough to debate just about anything.

The way they made up when arguments got too heated was pretty fucking awesome.

No complaints here.

“I know he’s getting better.” Danica cupped his cheek. “Are you?”

“I’m fine.” He had to be. He’d built up a wall within to block out all the shit he couldn’t deal with. He slipped away from her as a dull roar sounded in his ears, his own pulse deafening him. One moment of weakness and the wall started crumbling. “I’m gonna call room service. Jesse shouldn’t be long.”

Danica’s lips parted, but then she pressed them shut and inclined her head. She’d give him a brief respite, but she’d already mentioned having a discussion when Jesse got back.

One Alder wouldn’t like, no doubt about that.

Their man returned just as room service was leaving. Jesse eyed the tray on the table, which had three mugs, everything they needed for tea, and a jug of ice water.

“Not sure we should go all wild tonight, we’re heading out early.” He walked over to the table, sliding his arm around Danica’s waist and kissing her bare shoulder as she opened the envelopes of tea. “I delivered your girl, safe and sound.”

“Did you talk to Malakai?” Danica paused with three sugar packages bunched in her fist. “Did she seem all right?”

“She’s fine. But no, I didn’t talk to him. She asked me not to.”

“And you listened to her?”

“Yes. Because she’s a grown woman and you’ve taught me well. ‘Protective caveman bad.’” Jesse smirked as he traced his fingers along the waist of her tiny blue skirt. “Have I told you how hot you look today?”

Smacking his hand, Danica glared at him. “Don’t try to distract me. Going from caveman to indifferent is not what I wanted.”

Here we go again. Alder groaned and took over making the tea. If he waited for the two of them to finish arguing they’d all go thirsty.

“I wasn’t indifferent.”

“She’s new to all this. She doesn’t know what the guys are like.”

“Neither did you.”

“I’m older than she is.”

“Not by much.”

“Is Jesse allowed five sugars?” Alder bit back a smile as they both stared at him like he’d appeared out of nowhere. “I know this is foreplay for you two, but you both bitched about me not sleeping enough. I’m willing to try if you’ll cut this shit short.”

“Foreplay?” Danica’s lips thinned as she pushed Jesse back and picked up the stainless-steel carafe to fill the mugs. “He can have all the sugar he wants.”

“So you don’t care?” Jesse shrugged and grabbed almost all the sugar packages from the dish.

“Are you serious right now?” Danica grabbed his wrist. Then she burst out laughing. “All right, this is getting ridiculous.”

“Just a little.” Alder mumbled.

Gaze softening, Danica slipped up against Jesse and whispered in his ear. “You were very distracting.”

“Yeah?” Jesse gave her a hooded look. “I fucking miss being alone with you.”

Alder shook his head.

Like he’d said. Foreplay.

“And Alder.” Jesse latched onto the side of Alder’s neck, pulling him close. “I miss this. No band drama. No watching for the press. Just the three of us.”

Slipping her hand into the back pocket of Alder’s jeans, Danica nodded, resting against Jesse’s side. “I do too. But I told Alder we needed to talk when you got here.”

Jesse’s jaw hardened. He inclined his head. “You’re right.”

Why the fuck did I stop them from arguing?

“Not sure what needs to be discussed. I got in a fight with a fan. It’s been dealt with. I won’t do it again.” Alder slipped away from them both. “Shiori is on the bus. She’s a big girl and if she can handle Brave—which she clearly can—she’s golden. Jesse is fine with three sugars in his coffee and tea. That it?”

“You aren’t sleeping, Alder.” Danica stayed where she was, resting her head on Jesse’s muscular chest. But her expression changed. She looked sad. “You’re…different. I don’t know what happened, but I want to find out.”

I’m fine. Just fucking fine. He took a deep breath, forcing himself not to say the words out loud. They were so automatic. What he’d been telling himself over and over.

But they weren’t true.

They all knew he wasn’t fine.

Convincing them otherwise was an escape. He wanted to shield them. Shield himself. Maybe if he managed to persuade them he’d start to believe it. Find a way to make it happen.

“No one will ever forget you.”

The man closed in on Brave. Alder saw the knife. He lunged forward.

“I’m worn out. I know we weren’t on tour, but all the interviews, practice, recording, did me in. Hell, the music video took forever.” Alder’s throat tightened. He kept his voice even, but with every blink, he was taken from the room. Back on that stage. He had to fight to stay in the present. “If this keeps up I’ll get sleeping pills or something.”

“You’re having nightmares. Do you remember them?” Jesse raked his fingers through Alder’s hair, holding him still. His touch centered Alder. The room came into focus. “Tell me what I can do.”

Danica’s firm grip on his hand anchored him even more. He was back with them. He needed to stay here.

But how could he tell them? He couldn’t say it, but if a simple touch could chase away those nightmares, maybe all he needed was more. As their schedule got crazier, they lost their time alone. The stolen kisses and quickies weren’t enough. The three of them hadn’t been together, completely together, in months.

Tonight they could be. He could have them all to himself. He needed them.

“I need you.” He brought his lips to Danica’s, all the air leaving his lungs as she wrapped herself around him. Her lips, her tongue, her sweet, soft body invited him in, giving him somewhere to escape.

He tugged at the laces on her corset, lifting her onto the table as he lowered his mouth to her breasts. Both filled his hands and his blood pulsed fast and hard, driving down low as he flicked his tongue over a tight nipple.

“Alder.” Danica tugged at his hair, gasping as her thighs tightened over his ribs. “Please talk to us.”

“I need you. Please.” He finished undoing the corset and let it fall on the table. “Please.”

Danica stroked his hair, squirming as he sucked at one nipple, then the other. He could sense her uncertainty. Then the moment she relaxed and let go.

Jesse’s lips brushed his throat. “Tell me what you need.”

“You.” Alder brought his hands to Danica’s waist, holding on tight as Jesse’s hands slipped down to unbutton his jeans. “I need you both.”

Jesse hesitated. He was probably looking at Danica. Taking her lead.

“He’s got a knife!”

Alder shoved Brave, turning to block the blade. A sharp pain and he was falling. The crazed eyes of the man above him never left. He went down with Alder. His fist pressed into Alder’s chest. With the knife.

He couldn’t fight the man. Couldn’t move. A sharp, deep throbbing agony blinded him.

He heard voices all around.

Brave’s was the only one he could make out.

“…leave him. It’s me you want.”

No!

The man wanted to kill Brave. Alder’s eyes burned as he brought his trembling lips to Danica’s stomach. He inhaled, losing himself to the scent of her. Spice carried on a cool breeze. And a fragrance unique to her. Addictive in every way. He could breathe her in forever and live on that alone.

Jesse’s hand wrapped around his dick and he moaned, moving in his loose grip. The pleasure blurred the red haze in his mind.

“You want her, Alder?” Jesse tugged down Danica’s panties. She helped. They both tempted him with that slick move. He pressed his firm length against Alder’s ass. “You want me?”

“Yes!” Alder tried to open his eyes, but a few blinks and they teared. He couldn’t let those tears fall. He lowered his head, pressing his eyes shut again. “No! I need you.”

“After this, you tell us everything.” Jesse fisted his hand in Alder’s hair, tugging his head back as his teeth grazed Alder’s throat. “One last escape and you tell us. You can’t keep pushing us away.”

“I won’t.” Alder brought his lips to Danica’s as Jesse shoved his jeans down. In complete control, Jesse guided Alder’s dick into Danica’s slick pussy, driving him forward until he filled her. Alder lost himself to the enveloping pleasure.

Moving away for a moment, Jesse’s shoulder brushed his thigh. He heard a soft rip. A zipper. A drizzle of lube and Jesse’s fingers filled him, preparing him.

Only for a moment. Then a thick penetration. Jesse slammed in, driving him into Danica.

Heat and passion, the two people he loved surrounding him. He kissed Danica even as their bodies rocked together. Jesse knew what she could take. The rhythm that drove her wild. He drew it out, latching onto Alder’s hips, forcing him to slide free of her. Then he fisted his hand around Alder’s dick, slipping him back in.

Alder braced as he was filled and his dick sank deep into all that slick warmth. Danica held his face between her hands, biting his abused bottom lip hard, the sting stealing away the power of all the visions, all the pain. This pain was real. Was now.

And it was so fucking sweet.

Another thrust, Jesse into him, forcing him into Danica, and the world flashed white behind his closed lids. A sizzling current blasting out as he came, every nerve within lighting up until his whole body contracted, the power of pure ecstasy taking control.

Danica cried out, her pussy gripping him tight. Jesse slammed in one last time, his lips parted against Alder’s shoulder as he shuddered.

“Tell them not to come any closer, I’ll slit his fucking throat!”

Alder thought he’d gotten away, but he hadn’t. His blood ran cold and his knees gave out. He latched onto the table, holding close to Danica. He wouldn’t ruin this for her. For Jesse.

They were finally together.

“Don’t let him die.”

He heard his brother’s voice, a desperate whisper. Almost dropped to his knees, but someone held him up. Lifted him, bringing him away from the stage slick with his blood.

Soft hands pulled his shirt away. He was naked, but not cold. A warm body pressed against him. Soft material covered him. A muscular chest pressed against his other side.

For months, everything after the knife flashed before his eyes was a blank. Almost like his mind filtered out the memory to protect him.

Once a week he’d get a little glimpse. Then more and more until every terrifying moment played on repeat in the silence. Darkness brought the blade into focus, making him blind to everything else. He couldn’t even will his way back to the present. The pain paralyzed him.

The pain wasn’t real. The scars were still faded. But when the terror swallowed him, the stabbing pain sliced deep. He felt the knife. Sliding into him slower than it really had. And blood flowed all around, deep enough to drown in.

Danica and Jesse thought he had nightmares. They were worried about his lack of sleep, but didn’t pressure him because he snapped every time they showed concern. He’d drawn away from them, a little more every day, because he couldn’t share this. He wouldn’t let his horror infect them too.

But not telling them made the situation worse. Without knowing, all they could do was guess.

He swallowed hard, pushing up to sit against the headboard. Their eyes followed him. Jesse took his hand, lacing their fingers together. Danica wrapped her arms around his sheet covered thigh.

Both waiting. Both needing the truth.

So he told them.

“I remember. The night I was stabbed. I remember it all.”