Chapter 7

In the temporarily empty gym, their voices carried, but Reed kept his footsteps silent because, damn it, Jamie and Wren weren’t the only subs with good training. Of course, they were more like...house pet subs. All domestic.

Me and Matt are…

He wrinkled his nose. “Junkyard dogs? Maybe? Me and you? Not quite as domesticated as the royals—which I say with love.”

“Hey. I know how to set a table to Her Majesty’s standards.” Matt’s lips twisted into a grin, his voice going high with a pretend curtsey he dipped. “Oh, la la! We are fine, aren’t we?”

“Woof.” Reed snickered, shaking his head. “Fine, I’ll be the mangy dog. I was just thinking about how I’m too wild or some shit. I don’t even know anymore.” He sobered. “What if the whole idea was stupid? Like, people always say they want you to talk, but when you do…” He gestured to everything. “Things go to hell. Can I rewind and fake everything being perfect again?”

Rolling his lips between his teeth, Matt looked down at his feet as they crossed the threshold into the dance club. He was quiet until they reached the bar, Jamie already behind it mixing up some chocolate martinis. “I think relationships are kind of like fights.” He met Reed’s gaze. “You either go all in, risk getting knocked out, or you throw it to play it safe so you don’t get hurt. But if you’re gonna do the second, I’m not sure why anyone would get in the ring at all.”

“Because it’s fun. Because it’s not safer, and I still get plenty hurt, but the point is to be in there. Then after...I lose and I’m giving up control.” Reed shrugged, using a stool to help him onto the bar top, which was a bit taller and not as wide as the one in the main bar. “It’s like...when we spar and you give in because I’m on top and you don’t give a fuck about winning anymore? The sparring was still worth it.”

“That’s just a different kind of winning.” Jamie grinned up at Reed, handing him a martini glass.

“Exactly.” Reed sipped, practically moaning at the sweet taste. Which was so like the martinis Matt had perfected, he gave Jamie an accusing look. “Did you blow Matt to get his secret recipe? And I didn’t get details? You both suck.”

“It’s chocolate.” Jamie waggled his phone. “No lowering of standards required.”

Matt sipped the drink, making an impressed face. “This’d be good with a coffee liqueur too.”

“Mmm, I wanna try that.” Reed tipped the drink to his lips again. “Anyway, as for relationships...I don’t know. Maybe they are like fighting. Me getting into the ring for a fight I’m sure I can win and getting my ass kicked anyway.”

Shrugging, Matt poked his finger at one of the bits of chocolate shavings floating around in his drink. “I mean, if you like it like that. Sometimes I need that, so I ask…” He glanced at Jamie, a blush spreading across the crest of his cheekbones, and lowered his voice. “For a maintenance or stress relief spanking. It’s better than bratting out until Law’s really pissed. That hurts too much.” Matt gave a self-conscious laugh. “In more ways than one.”

“Punishments don’t feel the same. And asking for more always feels…” Reed rubbed his hand over his face, wincing at the ache in his eye. “Most of it is awesome, you know? But half the time I don’t know what I really want. I can’t find the words. And when I can I know it’ll freak people the hell out. How exactly do I say ‘Yo, those needles for the tattoo got me hard, think you could do something like that?’. Sin does needleplay and knifeplay. He does stuff with fire I’ve never even heard of. Talking to him while I was getting ink was like someone describing a candy store. Only...one I’m not allowed in.”

Jamie lifted his gaze from his phone as Matt slipped off into the bathroom. “I think it’s brave asking for what you want, no matter what it is. And stress relief spankings...if that’s what you need is it really a punishment? Or just a kind of lighter thing that makes you feel your Dom’s control and safer or settled because of it” He drew a giant breath. “I get it about your Dom not liking the play you like. Or thinking you’re gonna break if they play rough. Except you’re bigger. You’re not gonna break, for sure. I think you should ask Jared. He can do all that stuff too.”

“Jared’s used a whip on me. That was a really cool scene. But...yeah, now that he’s with Noah? I doubt he would. I don’t think...Curtis doesn’t think I’ll break. He loves one part of me and...the other part is gritty and ugly and reminds him of bad shit. Like...Kovit.” Reed frowned down at his glass, which he’d emptied at some point. “And I get it. I never wanted to do anything that would hurt him. I still don’t want to. But sometimes it’s like I’m spinning out of control and I need...something. I end up frustrating him or breaking the rules. I hate disappointing him.”

“And he hates disappointing you.” Curtis spoke behind him.

Reed jumped, almost falling off the bar, managing to twist and land sideways across it, spilling a few members’ drinks. He held up his hands as the mix of alcohol soaked into his shirt. “I’ll replace them. Sorry about that.”

The members grumbled a little, but Jamie had already started knocking caps off a few beers to begin replacing the drinks, along with a bright grin and the offer to order up some philly steak sandwiches “On the house.”

“Sorry. I was just coming to let you know I’m headed up.” Fingertips tucked in his pockets like they had been all night, Curtis cleared his throat, holding Reed’s stare. “You’ve never reminded me of anything bad. I love you, and if you want hardcore play I know my share. I just never equated it with you after we got together. I thought it was a ‘before us’, or a ‘while I was gone thing’. Not sure why. But...we can talk about that later.”

Reed straightened, grabbing some napkins to try to wipe up the mess he’d made of the bar and himself. “I didn’t want to remind you of anything bad. I try really hard not to. You’ve got enough of your own stuff to deal with and...I don’t know, I guess I thought after we talked about stuff and your fight with Dallas and all—not really my fault that scene went sideways. I saved you and got punished, but that’s not the point. I wanted to let you keep seeing me how you see me because then…” Reed’s throat tightened and he shook his head. “I’m still figuring out how dark and edgy I like stuff. But I know it’s...never really been your thing.”

Curtis handed him more napkins, his expression thoughtful. “I don’t know. I have my fair share of dark fantasies. But…” Working his mouth like it might be a little dry, he shrugged. “Until you’re ready to talk to me about it, to trust me, we have no business playing together. I have no business demanding control, even from someone I love, when there’re some areas where trust isn’t there. I’ve been trying too hard to only touch the areas where that trust existed...but that was wrong. And dangerous. And I’m sorry.”

“I was just talking to you. I was honest with you about wanting to fight.” Reed tossed the napkins in the trash, then slid off the bar, looking up at Curtis and shaking his head. “And it feels like this happens every time. Things get hard and it’s like you’re giving up. So I make things easy. I’ll just keep doing that, okay? I’ll call off the fight. I’ll just...it doesn’t matter. Can we just let it go so you’ll stop being all stiff and distant with me? I’m not your damn bill collector.”

“I wouldn’t be standing here if I were giving up.” Curtis turned his head as the microwave behind the bar whirred, the sound and scent of popcorn popping peppering the air.

Jamie looked up. “What?”

Head tipped back, Reed sent a prayer to...well, probably Avery. He was the only one who’d be up there. He blew out a breath as he folded his arms over his chest, lowering his gaze again. “You came to tell me you’re going up. Cool. I’m hanging out here. Can I have another drink, Jamie? And some gummies if you got ‘em. Doctor’s orders.”

When he looked back around again, Curtis had gone.

The packet Jamie handed him was purple instead of black. “From an international supplier. Careful. It’s strong. Noah would probably let Jared stick needles in my dick if he knew I had this stuff.”

Running his tongue over his teeth, Reed stared toward the door, then sucked in a deep breath, nodding to himself. “Yeah, well, Jared’s the only one who’s given me any orders. You know how it is. Gotta listen.” Opening the packet, he dumped all the gummies in his mouth. Chewed the mass, giving Jamie a thumbs up since he couldn’t manage words.

“Oh, shit.” Part nervous laughter and one part horrified choke escape Jamie’s lips. “Dude. I gotta go get Jared. You’re going to be so fucking sick. This stuff is laced with more THC for that extra something.”

Waving his hands in front of him while shaking his head, Reed swallowed what he could, chewing on the rest. “I’m gonna be fine. Worst that’ll happen is me taking a nap under the bar. Haven’t done that in forever.” He smiled at Jamie to reassure him. “Usually it’s on top for naps. The wood in the main bar? Freakin’ comfy.”

“Sure…” Taking out his phone, Jamie sent a quick text, looking a little like he wanted to crawl under the bar himself.

Returning from the bathroom, Matt looked from Reed to Jamie and back. “What’d I miss?”

Up on the bar again, Reed shrugged. “Curtis stopped by. We had a nice chat. He said he wouldn’t be here if he was giving up.” He held his hand out to the empty spot where Curtis had been standing. “Say ‘hi’.”

The dance club door slammed open, Jared coming in at a run, Lawson and Noah not far behind. Reed’s world turned upside down as Jared threw him over his shoulder and headed back out the way he’d come, barking at Noah to bring Jamie so they could “Find out what the hell he took.”

Steadying himself with a hand on Jared’s back, Reed quickly shook his head. “I’m fine! It was just candy. Weed gummies. It’s no big deal!”

“How the hell can he OD on weed gummies?” Noah’s tone was sharp, close. “Jamie, who gave you the candy? Did you have any? Jared’s going to need to know what reactions you noticed.”

Jamie groaned, footsteps not so quiet as Noah drew him along at his side. “I bought it on the black market. It’s got extra THC. He dumped the entire bag in his mouth and swallowed it like the goldfish I had when I was six when I threw the whole container of food in to see what would happen.”

“Reed, what in the world were you thinking?” Lawson sounded like he was right next to Jared, keeping pace. “And why are there drugs in this club? I need to make sure we’re covered for any liability. You allowed this, Noah?”

“It’s fucking weed, Lawson. Relax.”

“Yes, because we can be absolutely certain that’s all that’s in it.”

“I’ll get you a chemistry set for your birthday so you can test it all. Would that help?”

“Fuck you, Noah.”