Chapter 8

Even if I had intended to tell him no, Brandon was behind me when I pushed through the door, so I really didn’t have much of a choice but to let him in. I could try to explain that I had a lot to do now that Jamie had agreed to talk to Hannah for me, but something told me my boyfriend wouldn’t be deterred.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about the way I acted before,” he began, following me through the living room to the kitchen like I wasn’t completely ignoring him. “I wasn’t being very fair to you. Clearly, you’re very concerned about the situation in Europe, and I haven’t given it the attention it deserves.”

I pulled the fridge open while he was talking, grabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and then turned and looked at him about the time he finished his statement. Those words had not originated in my boyfriend’s head. “Who have you been talking to? Tara? Not Lucy; you didn’t say, ‘OMG.’ Your mom?”

“What?” He made a face like it shocked him I didn’t believe he’d come up with that line himself. “No, listen, Cass, I’m sorry.”

I closed the refrigerator and unscrewed the lid from my pop, going back into the living room. I didn’t want to argue anymore, I really didn’t. But I was more than a little perturbed that he’d just followed me down the hall and into my apartment, and all I really wanted to do was see if I could locate Havel’s wife. Maybe I could jump into Mika’s brain and see what was going on.

“Fine,” I said, conjuring up a smile I hoped looked legitimate. “I accept your apology.” I grabbed a notebook off of my coffee table and a pen. I didn’t really need them, and if Brandon hadn’t been there, I probably wouldn’t have bothered, but having something in my hands while I’m doing research helps remind other people that I’m working. Usually. Brandon sat down on the couch a cushion over. I raised an eyebrow. So did he. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said with a hard shrug, which told me it was clearly not nothing. “Just... aren’t you...?”

“Aren’t I what?” I tossed the notebook back on the coffee table. “Sorry?”

“I mean... usually when someone apologizes, the other person says they’re sorry, too, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay. Gee, Brandon, I’m so sorry that I barged into your apartment and interrupted your day in order to request that your father, who is supposed to be my friend, help me out by talking to his boss about getting me an audience at the leadership team meeting tomorrow, something he refused to do, and that I had to go bother Jamie with my problems instead of relying on my boyfriend and his father to help me out. I’m so sorry if that ruined your otherwise spectacular afternoon!”

I was shouting again. I didn’t mean to be, but I was. And obviously we both knew that wasn’t exactly what he’d been looking for in an apology. But I wasn’t about to admit that I should also apologize to him for losing my temper earlier. I wasn’t ready for that, and if he’d given me a few minutes or an hour, instead of following me here, maybe I would’ve been ready. But he didn’t. So I was yelling. Again.

“Fine, Cass.” Brandon shook his head, curls dancing everywhere, and pulled himself up off of the couch, pushing his hands into his pockets as he headed for the door. “I’m sorry I expected a common courtesy from you.” He didn’t sound mad like me, just sad. Maybe a little tired. “I’ll see you later, if you decide you wanna do something.”

“I’m busy,” I reminded him, pulling my notebook back to my hand with my powers. I opened it and turned to a blank page. I knew he was watching me from the entryway. I could feel his eyes on me. I started writing, probably not even in complete sentences, and kept scrawling all over the page until he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

The second he did, I closed the notebook, and the tears that had been threatening to show themselves all afternoon finally sprang free from my eyes. I should have been used to it by now. I had tissues strategically located all over my apartment I’d spent so much time crying lately, though I’m not exactly proud of it. I try so hard to be tough on the outside so no one will mess with me or accuse me of being the little girl I appear to be, but ever since Alex died.... I couldn’t think about him. I couldn’t think about Brandon or how stupid I was being. I couldn’t wonder if all of these fights meant there was more wrong than I was willing to admit.

So I sat there and cried until the tears wouldn’t come out anymore, wiping at my eyes with a tissue from the box behind a throw pillow. I was just beginning to catch my breath when I got a message from Jamie. “Good news. Hannah says you can have fifteen minutes tomorrow night, so be ready. Meeting starts at 8:00 in the old conference room.”

Despite my swollen eyes and tear streaked cheeks, I found myself smiling. “Thanks, Jamie,” I sent back, glad he couldn’t see me. I definitely knew the room he was talking about—the same place where I’d gotten so angry, I’d literally knocked a hole in one of the tables.

“No problem. Are you and Brandon doing okay?”

I realized he must’ve seen Brandon following me down the hall earlier even when I wasn’t willing to acknowledge the situation, and obviously he’d heard us fighting, hence him coming out into the hallway to begin with. “We will be,” I said, though saying the words to him didn’t make me any more confident that they were true. I needed to get a handle on things.

“Good,” my friend replied, and I could tell he was actually concerned, which made me think that maybe I should be concerned. “If you need to talk, Cass, let me know. I’m sure it’s not easy having your sister gone at a time like this.”

A time like this.... A time like after Alex died? “Thanks, Jamie. It was nice talking to you today.” I knew we’d already said that, but it really had been. I could’ve listened to his stories for hours. But I had work to do, and I’m sure he had other things to get to, too.

“You, too,” he said, probably more out of being polite than really meaning it since I hadn’t exactly been the conversationalist. Jamie really is one of the nicest people in the world, and I knew if I wanted to go down there and spill my guts to him about Alex, he’d listen. Ash would, too, for that matter. But I couldn’t talk to her about it because my sister isn’t a fan.... I just needed to put it all out of my head and get to work.

So I did.