A Thousand Memories

"Well, no, Levi. Obviously, we can't sell it but…." Wanda paused and resumed with a forced cheerfulness to her voice, "…you could come on home and run it. You've got all those new expensive breeders out there. Seems like you might have been thinking about it already."

Levi raked his hands through his wavy, black hair, a sure sign of agitation he'd had since childhood. Move back to Gladewater? The thought sent a shiver down his spine, a mix of excitement and trepidation that he couldn't quite untangle.

"Mom, I…" Levi started, but Wanda cut him off, her voice soft yet insistent.

"Don't decide now. Just think about it. I'll send you some info about the community to look at too." She paused, and Levi could almost see her gathering her courage. "Honey," she said, her voice becoming serious. "It's time, don't you think?"

Levi wasn't sure it would ever be time for him, but he could hear the longing in his mother's voice. She had overcome years of abuse and remade herself into the strong, fearless woman she was today. She had always been Levi's rock, and he knew he would do just about anything to make her happy. But could he do this? Could he uproot his life in Dallas and return to the place that held so many conflicting memories?

He blew out a breath, feeling the weight of the decision pressing down on him. "I'll think about it, Mom. I'll think about it."

And he had. A lot. In the weeks following that conversation, Levi found himself lost in thought more often than not. He had lost sleep over the thought of giving up his hard-earned corner office and the salary that went with it. The prestige of being a partner in a successful law firm was something he had worked tirelessly to achieve. It was a far cry from the struggling farm boy he had once been.

But as he pondered his mother's request, Levi also thought about what he was actually spending his money on. While most of his colleagues drove the latest sports cars and wore designer suits, Levi drove a five-year-old Toyota Tundra and nice, but off-the-rack, suits. His only real indulgence was his watch, a Rolex he had bought for himself when he had made partner. It was a symbol of how far he'd come, but lately, it had started to feel more like a shackle than a trophy.

Instead of splurging on luxuries, Levi had started buying stock to start a new breeding program for the farm. He had researched the ins and outs of breeding versus raising beef cattle and decided breeding was the way to go. He remembered the look on his coworker's face when he first mentioned it during one of their workout sessions at the company gym.

"Cows." Mike stared at him in confusion, slowly putting down the barbell he had been using. "You're going to spend that much money on cows."

"They're not just cows," Levi had tried to explain, picking up a set of weights for biceps curls. It always annoyed him just a little that he had to spend time in the gym to stay in shape since he had left the farm. He'd rather be doing good productive work for his muscles, feeling the burn of honest labor rather than the artificial strain of weightlifting. "They're high-end breeding stock. If we can start breeding champion bloodlines with AI straws, we can count on a 60% insemination rate and those cows will go for far more money with fewer animals than we need to keep for beef."

"Straws?" Mike asked, his brow furrowed. Obviously, Levi's plan was totally out of his wheelhouse.

"Semen," Levi explained patiently, feeling a surge of excitement as he talked about his plans. "They store it in large straws in nitro to freeze it until it's needed. And fewer cows on the land will help it last longer as we can rotate pastures more frequently."

His buddy sat looking at him blankly then finally shook his head, a mixture of amusement and bewilderment on his face. "I don't know a thing about cows, but for that much money, I'd be looking at real estate. Get yourself a home in Lakewood or Preston Hollow. Meg and I just closed on a place in Lakewood. It's an original craftsman but all upgraded. We could be neighbors!"

Levi had smiled politely at Mike's suggestion, but inwardly, he felt a pang of longing for wide-open spaces and the smell of fresh hay. The thought of being cramped in a city neighborhood, no matter how prestigious, held little appeal.

As the days passed, Levi realized he had been thinking more and more about a future back on the farm long before his mother had asked him to come back. Though he had gotten a degree in business, his minor had been in agricultural management. In his heart, he must have known he wanted to go back someday, but his head continued to fight him.

There were so many bad memories associated with his childhood that still haunted him. The sound of his father's angry voice, the sight of his mother's bruises, the constant fear that had permeated their home. But there were good memories too – the satisfaction of a hard day's work, the beauty of a sunrise over the pastures, the simple joy of caring for the animals.

Levi found himself spending more and more time researching the latest advancements in cattle breeding. He pored over articles about genetic markers, studied the intricacies of artificial insemination techniques, and even attended a few agricultural conferences under the guise of "networking" for his law firm.

One evening, as he sat in his plush downtown apartment, Levi realized he had spent the entire weekend engrossed in a book about sustainable farming practices. He looked around at the sleek, modern furnishings that had once seemed so important and now felt strangely empty.

The truth was, despite his success in the legal world, Levi had never felt truly at home in the city. The constant noise, the crowded streets, the relentless pace – it all felt so far removed from who he really was. He missed the rhythm of farm life, the connection to the land, the sense of purpose that came from nurturing living things.

But could he really go back? Could he face the demons of his past and build something new on the very ground where he had experienced so much pain? The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating.

Levi walked to the window, looking out at the twinkling city lights. He thought about his mother, about the strength she had shown in overcoming her past and rebuilding her life. If she could do that, couldn't he find the courage to return and help transform the farm into something new and vibrant?

Maybe it was time to confront the ghosts of his childhood, to reclaim the land that had shaped him, for better or worse. Maybe, just maybe, he could use his hard-earned knowledge and skills to breathe new life into the family farm, to create something that would make both him and his mother proud.

As he stood there, contemplating the possibility of a future so different from the one he had imagined, Levi felt a sense of peace settling over him. He realized that the decision had already been made in his heart long ago. Now, it was just a matter of finding the courage to act on it.

With a deep breath, Levi reached for his phone. It was time to call his mother and tell her he was coming home.

***

“LEVI, where the hell are you, boy? You get out here right now!” Levi quickly ducked into the empty art room, gripping his hall pass tight enough to make his fingers turn white. Peeking through the small window in the classroom door, he saw his dad take another long swig from the almost empty bottle of rye he carried. Roger Cooper was in his work clothes- a faded denim shirt, only half tucked into his old blue jeans which were stiff with dirt, manure and unidentifiable smears. He added to the cacophony of stains by spilling whiskey down his gray, stubbled chin and onto his clothes as he lurched down the hall, banging his shoulders into walls, tearing down children’s brightly colored artwork haphazardly as he went.

As he got closer to the fourth-grade classroom, Levi could hear Miss Gano and his classmates fall silent. Then, to his horror, he heard the lock on the classroom door engage and Miss Gano’s voice resume in a more subdued tone. He was trapped. He was trying to make himself as small as possible when Officer Gonzales, the school resource officer, caught up to his dad. Levi peeked around the door jamb cautiously when she heard Officer Gonzales asking the drunk man what he was doing there. He saw him grab his dad’s upper arm, steadying him when he swayed so hard he threatened to fall over. His dad lost it then, jerking his arm away and yelling.

“You get your goddamn hands off me, you wetback!” He tried to push the officer, nearly falling again. Levi cringed at the slur. “My son’s in school here, I have every right to get him and take him wherever the hell I want!”

He couldn’t hear what Officer Gonzales said when he took hold of Roger again and spoke directly into his ear but his dad’s eyes widened and he dropped his almost empty whiskey bottle to the floor. The crash echoed around the empty hallway and Levi jumped. While Officer Gonzales frog marched him to the front doors, he continued to cuss and holler about his rights. Levi couldn’t see if he was put in a police car or not. He hoped so. Maybe they could keep him overnight. Levi let out the breath he had been holding and went to knock on Miss Gano’s door.

His teacher let him in with a sorrowful look. As he returned to his seat, he tried not to look at his classmates but Dani caught his eye. She tried to give him a little smile of support but when her green eyes watered, he quickly looked away. He wanted to melt right into the floor.

Later that afternoon, Levi saw his father come out of the barn when the school bus dropped him off at the end of the driveway. His fervent wish that his dad was kept in jail had apparently not come true. The good old boys’ network was still alive and well in Gladewater. Roger and Sheriff Grant had grown up together and the sheriff still gave his dad special treatment. Anyone else would be sitting in a cell. It made Levi so angry to know that nothing would happen to his dad despite the horrible things he did. This time the police had either brought him home or let his mom go pick him up. He ran for the house as fast as he could to try and escape the wrath that he knew would be coming his way after his dad had been hauled out of the school earlier. Even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, he knew it would somehow be his fault that his father had been embarrassed by Officer Gonzalez.

As he ran in the front door, his wild eyes met his mother’s. Without a word, she quickly opened the coat closet door and motioned him in, placing a finger to her lips to silence him and shutting the door.

“Boy! Where are you?” Mr. Cooper roared just a few seconds later, slamming the front door behind him. Levi tried to make his little body even smaller, cramming himself behind boxes and coats in the hall closet. He heard the sound of a leather belt quickly sliding out of belt loops as his father prepared to launch into his favorite punishment for transgressions, real or imagined.

He closed his eyes and put his arms over his head trying to prepare for the moment his father found him. But then he heard his mother’s sweet voice. “Oh good, Roger, you’re home!” he saw his mother’s sandaled feet going to meet his father’s muddy boots through the louvers on the doors. “I was just coming to get you! I’ve got your drink and snacks all ready for you next to your chair.”

Levi saw his mother put her arms lovingly, and strategically, around his father’s arm that held the belt. “I know you had a hard day working on the fences and you got such a late start,” she said pleasantly, in commiseration, as she led his father to his chair in the living room. She nodded her chin to Levi over her shoulder as she led his father further into the house, “Come on in here and relax, you deserve it.”

Levi slumped and felt his heart rate decrease as his mother led his father away. His mom almost always knew exactly what to do to save Levi from a beating. How she knew he was in for one even when he hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t know, but she always tried to save him from his father’s outbursts. Sometimes, he was ashamed to admit, she just took the beating instead of him, sparing him the need to explain away the bruises that she often had to.

Today had been an especially bad day but still his mother had saved him again. Two hours later, he was drifting off to sleep on top of a coat he had pulled down to rest his head on, when the closet door opened. He started, instantly alert but it was just his mother. She reached down and drew him to her.

“He’s napping now, honey.” Napping was code for passed out drunk, Levi knew. “Go on and get on your homework and I’ll bring you your dinner in your room.”

He hugged his mother fiercely. He didn’t see the tears that she always fought to hide from him.