Chapter 3

Maybe the world is spinning or maybe it's just me, but I don't remember leaving the pub, and somehow, I find myself standing at the street looking up at the warm light of my bedroom window and wondering what the hell is going on in there.

"Genevieve," I yell, bringing the bottle clenched in my sticky fingers to my mouth for a swig. "Gen, I know you can hear me." I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and stumble back, leaning on a parked car for support. "Genevieve," I yell again.

A scruffy man crosses the street to avoid me.

"Shut the hell up, it's 3:00am," someone shouts.

"You shut the hell up." I point at the air with my bottle. "Genevieve!"

"Listen buddy, if you don't shut up I'll call the cops."

I turn around, looking for the guy who can't close his god damned mouth. Some prick in a trench coat, hovering in the alley between buildings. I spit a mouthful of whiskey in his direction. "Go ahead, buddy."

"Finn?" Her musical voice calls to me. My heart skips as I turn to see her leaning out our window, hair hanging over her exposed shoulders. I smile. Then the weight of the ring-box reminds me what that skank did to us. My smile turns into a, "Fuck you, Gen."

I throw my bottle at the wall, the glass shatters over the ground, the last of my drink splashes onto the street.

"Finn? Are you drunk?"

The concern in her voice pisses me off. Faker. She doesn't care.

"Yeah, I'm drunk." My legs give out and I grip the passenger mirror for support. "You'd be drunk too if you walked in on your fiancé with another woman."

Buddy from across the street laughs. I'm afraid to let go of the car, afraid of what I'll do to him, or worse, I'm afraid that I'll fall on my face and never be able to stand again.

"Finn," she whispers my name. "Finn, come inside, it's not what you think."

"It's exactly what I think." I raise my hand to take a swig from the bottle only to remember it's gone. Shattered, just like our love.

"Finn, please," she says. "Don't say things you'll regret."

"Regret?" I laugh, lose my balance and face plant onto the car's hood. She's the end of a long list of things I regret. I keep my cheek plastered to the cool steel, stick my middle finger in the air, and wave it in her direction.

"Finn, you're being unreasonable. Come inside and we can talk about this."

I look up at her, watch her pull the sheets tighter to her shoulders. In that hazy instant, I wonder what it was I ever saw in her. I hate how messy she is. I hate how self-absorbed and condescending she is. And I fucking hate classical music. How can I have so much hatred for someone who just a few hours ago I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Maybe I never loved her all along. Drew has it right, love's a gimmick. A gimmick I bought into, again.

I push myself off the car, using the last of my strength to balance on my own. "Gen," I say, firmly. "I want you to pack your shit and get the hell out of my flat."

"Finn, baby, come upstairs, we can work this out." She loosens her grip on the sheet and it slips over her shoulder. I gulp, taking a step forward, propelled by my body's desire. The ring-box anchors me in place.

"No." I focus on keeping my feet from walking to her on their own.

Not love, lust maybe.

"I want you gone by the morning." I look up and add, "Don't even think of taking my dog." Then I turn, and stumble down the sidewalk.

They say New York is a city that never sleeps, and I'm glad, because I have nowhere to go. I walk a few blocks to clear my head — each step firmer, more assured. The foggy haze of drunkenness lifts and a pounding headache takes its place. I find myself on a corner, facing a liquor store, beside which is a café. Inside the window, a guy reads from a tattered notebook to the few patrons disbursed in small groupings sipping their drinks. Coffee or Booze? The idea of getting off the street and having someplace warm to sit is appealing.

But the last thing I want is to be kept awake to the memory of Gen and that woman.

I walk into the store and empty my pockets for a bottle of Jägermeister. I hate Jager. But it'll do the trick, it will keep me warm, clear my head, and make me forget, even if only a short while.