3

Penny

As dawn streaks across the sky, I slip out of Jason's bed, quietly slipping into my dress and shoes. I steal a glance at Jason before embarking on the walk of shame. His demeanor seems less commanding now, his features softening, his mouth slightly downturned. In the sunlight, his chocolate-colored hair appears a shade brighter.

If circumstances were different between us, I might linger, cuddle with him, perhaps even make breakfast together. But I can't afford to indulge in fantasies or entertain the notion that we could be more than what we are: two people who satisfy their desires and then part ways. It'll be a while before I see him again.

When I close the door softly, I roam around until I find a spacious bathroom which I assume is for guests and do my business, twist the faucet—that’s made out of real gold—and wash my hands before splashing cold water on my face. When I grab a cotton towel, I dry my face and toss it on the counter, then I tiptoe to the front entrance and sLandon out.

Once I make it to my apartment, I toss my keys into the fishbowl by the entryway and remove my shoes, setting them next to the door. I need some sleep before my shift starts tonight at the bar, and I’m bone tired. When I glance up, my heart jumps in my chest as I find Landon perched on my dingy couch. My hands shake as he stares at my dress and messy hair.

Anger clouds his pupils as he watches me like a hawk in the sky. I haven’t spoken to him since I called off the wedding. How the hell did he know where I live?

“How did you get into my apartment?”

His gray eyes are dull, his face is pale, and his lips are red. At one point, I used to be in love with him, so attracted to him, but now I look at him with disgust. I have no feelings for him. It was stupid of me to think he would be my happily ever after.

“I convinced your landlord to give me your information.”

He pushes himself up, and the couch squeaks across the worn, vinyl flooring. My heart matches his steps, and before I know it he’s standing in front of me. He reeks of liquor and his clothes are wrinkled as if he has slept in them.

All of the pain he caused crashes into me. The memories of me catching him in bed with another woman and the time he told me how stupid I was because I didn’t do something right in his eyes.

Hot tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to let him see me cry.

I try to move past him, but he grabs my arms, his nails biting into my flesh.

Pure rage flashes in his eyes, and I shrink back. He never put his hands on me but in this moment I wouldn’t put it past him. Landon has always had a temper, and the way he’s glaring at me, I hope he doesn’t strike me. He balls up his fist and punches the wall beside my head and I scream at the top of my lungs.

I glare at him. “Get out, now.”

He folds his arms across his chest, and he’s so close I feel his body heat. “Where were you? You didn’t come home last night!” He grits his teeth.

I try to sidestep him but he steps right in front of me, blocking my movement. If he tries anything, I’m going to knee him in the balls.

“Are you stalking me?” I keep my tone calm.

He shakes his head, then he strokes the pad of his thumb against my lips, and it takes everything I have not to bite him. Slowly, I peel his thumb from my mouth and that earns me a frown. “You need to come home and stop this foolishness, Penny. I get it, I fucked up and I cheated, but everyone lies and cheats. Everyone has their demo—”

“Enough already.”I stab my finger into his hard chest, but he doesn’t budge. We’re the same height, but his demeanor is scaring the shit out of me. “I’m not going to stick by you while you sleep around on me. You sound like a broken record. Saying the same shit just to get me back with you so you can dog me,” I say calmingly. His words might have worked the last time, and the time before that, but it isn’t going to work this time. I grab my phone from my purse. “You need to leave now, please, before I call the cops.”

The cops in New York City are shitty and don’t care about the people on this side of town. They probably won’t show up for at least forty minutes, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“After a while, little birdie, you will be running back to me. Your mother won’t accept you until you’re married to me. Do you really want to live your life without your family?” His shoulder brushes against mine as he makes his way to the door. “You will crawl back to me sooner or later, and when you do, I’m never going to let you go.” I hear the sound of the door click shut and I sigh loudly as my heart still beats a million miles a minute.

I remove my dress, hop in the shower, change into my pajamas, and crawl onto my hard mattress, yanking the blanket over my head and effectively blocking the sun.

Landon is the main reason why I don’t want a relationship with anyone. I don’t want anyone telling me or making me feel as if I’m not important. All the things he used to say to me enter my mind like a whirlwind.

How I only deserve the way he treats me.

How I’m not going to be shit without him.

How much I will never amount to anything.

He wants to sleep with other women, and I’m supposed to be okay with it. I will never be okay with my partner having mistresses. I spent my entire time in our relationship looking for his approval and no matter what I did, it was never enough. He broke my heart in so many ways that I don’t think I can recover.

And he’s right—my mother does want me to marry him, because his family owns a winery and my stepfather needs this connection so his own winery business can flourish, but I’m not going to risk my well-being for them. I love my mother, but I’m not going to get trapped in a marriage where I’m always degraded. What Landon failed to realize was my mother doesn’t care about him, she wants to use him. He’s replaceable. Once I find a fake fiancé, she will not give Landon a second thought, and I’m looking forward to that day.

I am awoken by someone knocking on my door. I get up with a groan and hurry to open the front door. Lilly stands in the arch of the doorway with a dress bag and a box of shoes under her arms. She must have to go to work and wants to change into her work clothes.

“You look like you haven’t gotten much sleep,” Lilly notes, pushing past me and placing her stuff onto the couch.

“I haven’t,” I answer as I sit on the dingy chair I purchased from Goodwill.

She glances around my apartment. It’s not much. Just one bedroom, with peeling paint on the walls and unfinished floors. At least she isn’t judging me. If my mother and sister saw how I lived, they would be disgusted. I went from living a lavish lifestyle to one paycheck away from homelessness. But it doesn’t matter, I’m proud of it; it’s the first place I’ve owned without my parents’ money. This trust fund baby is learning how to navigate the real world. Yay me!

Lilly flips her dyed pink hair over her shoulders, and I get a glimpse of the faint scar across her nose which she received in a terrible car accident a few years ago. She’s pretty, looking like an enchanted princess, and her cream blouse and pencil skirt are all designer. She looks like she’s about to grab the world by the balls and conqueror it. No doubt, she’s going to work. She owns a lingerie company, named Love Me, that her husband helped her start. She always had a dream of opening her own clothing line since we were in high school, and I wish I had her drive and ambition.

I’ve never been the type to have aspirations in life. The only thing I want is to start a family one day. Have a baby, get married and find a better, more stable job. My mother hates how I’m the go-with-the-flow type, that I’m not the type of person who has their life mapped out for the next five years. I feel as if life is not serious to be taken so hard.

I still don’t have a fake fiancé, and as soon as Lilly leaves, I’m going to hop on a dating app, find someone else, and if he fLillys out then I won’t have any choice but to go back to Landon. If I have to, I’ll state ground rules, and hopefully he sticks to them. I would ask him to be my fake fiancé, but he would want us to actually get married, and I don’t want to be tied down to him. Not unless he gets help with his emotional abuse. That would be one of the ground rules. The thought of going back to Landon repulses me and I try not to dwell on it too much.I’m glad I didn’t mention I got dicked down by someone else, otherwise Landon would have done something reckless. He never thinks or makes rational decisions. He’s very impulsive.

Even though I’m not around Jason, I still feel his dominant presence clinging to me like an old stench. I’m not going to tell Lilly I slept with him, because I’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll be delighted with me finding someone better than my ex. But Jason is a playboy to the world, and everyone knows he’s not the type to settle down and play house.

Casting me a curious glance, she crosses her legs and flattens her shirt. “So, tell me how your date with Maddox went last night.”

I try to keep the disappointment from growing in my chest like a weed and push my shoulders back, trying to make her see I’m not upset.

“I was stood up last night.” My tone is sharp like a knife.

Her eyes widen, then she rests her hands on her lap. “Meeting men online is dangerous, Penny. I’m glad he didn’t show up, he might have been a creep, and I worry about you.”

She is absolutely right, so I don’t argue with her. But at the end of the day, it’s my life and I make my own choices. I’ve been safe thus far when I met them from dating sites. I meet them in public places, I make sure we ride separately in different vehicles, and I never go back to their place. “I’m safe, Lilly.”

She searches my face as if she’s looking for the right answer in my expression, and her shoulders sag as she rests her hands over mine, squeezing tight. Concern etches her pupils. “I don’t want you to end up on CNN, killed by someone.” Her eyes gloss over with tears.

Pain hits me in the gut. The last thing I want to do is worry her.

Lilly has always been the type of person to play by the rules and walk a tight line. She’s been that way since we were kids. I met her when we were in high school and she was getting bullied for her thick frames, so I shoved her bully into the closet and locked her in it, and ever since we’ve been inseparable. She’s more like a sister to me than a friend.

I twirl the end of my hair, then I let go and bite my nails. “It’s fine. It’s no big deal.”

I’m trying so hard not to let her see that I’m worried but, deep down, I don’t know what I’m going to do. And after Landon showed up here wanting me back, I need to hurry up and find a suitor, then I can ask them to hire someone to protect me from him, maybe have a bodyguard.

Lilly tilts her head to the side like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and folds her arms across her chest. “What really happened last night?”

Of course, she would assume that something happened last night. I forgot to call her after my date. She always insists that I call her so she won’t worry. I don’t want to tell her what happened this morning, because she will worry, and I will worry, then I’ll spend my whole day in a sour mood, and I don’t want to ruin her day with my fucked-up life.

My eyes bounce to the small flat-screen TV on the wall, then to the outside window that has bars on it.

“Nothing.” My tone is light.

A smile paints her face, then she crosses her legs, gently yanking the skirt over her knee.

“You are biting your nails as if you’re nervous.”

I shake my head and lean back on the couch. The air in here is stuffy, thanks to the non-working A/C, and it’s hotter than Satan’s balls. Even hotter than outside. I miss having the luxury of air conditioning. I miss a working fridge. I miss having food in my fridge and I miss buying whatever I want to buy.

My life sucks badly.

She gives me puppy dog eyes. “Tell me, I thought we were best friends,” she pleads with a pout.

I’ll tell her about last night, but I’m not going to mention Jason. She has a way of twisting my arm, getting the truth out of me and making me feel guilty for keeping things from her.

My cheeks burn and a blush creeps up the back of my neck. “I had a one-night stand.” I try to fight back a grin.

Her eyes beam with excitement. Lilly lives through me; she doesn’t believe in having sex with no strings attached, so my stories are so juicy for her. She tried it with her husband before they got married and ended up falling in love with him. I wish I could experience that love, but that type of love doesn’t exist for everyone.

Her eyes light up like the city lights. “Oh. Was it good?”

I nod and sink my teeth into my lip. “It was good—great, actually.”

Better than most, but I don’t tell her that.

She glances at the floor then back at me, smiling. “Did you ask him to be your fake fiancé?”