Chapter 12

I didn't expect to be on a nice, warm and toasty bed when I bolted upright. It was quiet by the time I gained consciousness, but the sound of the air conditioner reached my ears from above. By the time I opened my eyes, my head felt absolutely horrible and I tried to piece together events that happened before I blacked out little by little.

Looking around the room, my eyes fell on a lone figure seated on a chair some good distance away from my bed. Far enough for me to plan how I'd move if something happened. I wondered how I was going to do this with my vision shaking every 5 seconds.

"I see you're awake." From his voice, I knew it was a man

He stood and made his way towards me as I scooted back on the bed I was in. My actions made him pause. I could sense he was a werewolf, unfortunately. I had been encountering too many for my comfort since I had gotten to Des Moines.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. I just need to check your head."

My head?

I stopped moving and allowed him to come closer, still eyeing his cautious movements. He walked like I was a scared animal and any little movement he made would scare me away. It was almost funny. Almost. Because if push came to shove I wouldn't run, I would bite him. Literally. I didn't feel the pain go through my head till I turned to look at the door across the room. His chuckle resonated into the room, making me look back at him.

"If you're planning to run, you shouldn't. I don't know what I'd tell them if you went crazy in your condition."

I cocked my head to look at him and watched as he came to a stop by the end of the bed. The lines of his face looked familiar, but I had to squint to even get a definite silhouette of him. His voice was also vaguely familiar now that I thought of it.

"It's nice to see you again Ava." he said

"Nice to see me again?" I replied sarcastically "I barely even know you. Who are you? Where am I?"

He laughed nervously and sat down "I know you won't be happy when you learn everything. What can you remember? You had a very bad hit on your head last night and passed out."

"Answering my questions with questions isn't really a good move."

Even though I said this, I was curious as to where I had hit my head, especially since the only place I could have come remotely close to hitting anything was during the accident.

Wait a second. The Accident!

And before I blacked out, I think I saw him. I could have been dreaming. The events after the crash weren't really clear.

"Where is my family?" I asked him "There was an accident last night. We were in a crash, but we got out. Were they able to get an ambulance?"

'Keira.'

I got no response and concluded she must have been in a state of rest. The normal me would have been freaking out a bit, but staying calm and collected was something I had to become used to. The first rule of stranger danger was to not act irrationally and that was what I had been doing with all the strangers I met. He sat on the bed, the bed shifting a bit to accommodate the new weight.

"Your family is safe and sound. We had a doctor look at them and they are in perfect shape, just a little shaken by everything. You're the only one that suffered a concussion. It was minor for someone like you, but you still passed out."

"Someone like me?" My eyebrow was raised and I eyed him with wary

"You're a werewolf aren't you? I can sense it all over you." Well, too late to play it off now. With Keira asleep, there was no way I could even mask anything

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair, glancing down at my attire. My glittery gown was gone, replaced with a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white shirt. Who the hell had changed me?

"Okay then. Since there's no need for me to hide anything, can I know who you are? It seems like you know everything about me."

"I-uh..." his hesitation was clear as day, that meant he had something to hide

I swung my legs over, feeling giddy once I stood. Holding on to the bedpost, I heard him hurriedly stand up and move till he was in front of me. My eye sight had steadied to an extent and I was grateful for how quick it was. It would make things much easier for me, if I didn't overdo it.

"Move." I said

"I won't do that and as my Luna, I don't want to have to coerce you." he replied. My eyes zeroed in on his face upon hearing the word 'Luna' and I glared to the best of my ability at his towering form

"Look, I don't know who you are or where you come from or why the hell I'm even here, but what I do know is that I am not your Luna! I advice that you step aside or else I'll be forced to make you wish you weren't in the same room with me when I woke up"

The ice in my voice alarmed me a tad bit, but I was downright angry at everything going on and I would not sit down and wait for answers, I would find out myself. And who did he think he was anyway, going off and deeming me a luna? He was psychotic if he thought I'd let him do what he wants.

We had a staredown, me trying to bury him 6-feet deep with my eyes and him staring back with a determination that made me want to boil over.

"Move."

"No."

"I'm going to count to three. This is your last chance before a midget like me makes your giant ass fall to the floor."

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly in a smirk as he crossed his arms.

"One...two...thr-" My words and movement as I sensed a presence coming this way. If it was any other, I wouldn't have been able to realise, but I knew exactly who it was, despite me trying to convince myself that it wasn't true.

Looking past the man towards the door, I held my breath as the scent I wished I hadn't engraved into my memory became stronger and stronger. I was zoned out, completely forgetting the always present urge to run when I felt him near. My hold on the bedpost tightened even more, to the point it was numbing and I stayed quiet as the door opened quietly.

All these years, I had thought I could keep running and never have to look back. Despite being plagued by nightmares and being haunted by thoughts of suicide, I had a hope that had pushed me to believe things would get better. However, I knew I wouldn't be able to run forever and I would have to face the object of my fears head on. Nothing had prepared me for this moment. Nothing had prepared me to see my mate staring back at me with an empty expression. Nothing had prepared me to see the rugged look he now wore, with beards obscuring most of his face and his muscles three times the size I remember. Nothing had prepared me to feel so vulnerable and close to tears.

Nothing had. I knew now no matter how many years it took, I would never be ready to face him the way I wanted.

I watched him walk in deeper and envelop the room with his presence and his scent. In the mix of pine cones, honey and coffee, I detected a hint of tobacco. I had forgotten for a while how intimidating his presence could be, almost suffocating. He closed the door behind him, his hand lingering on the handle as my eyes involuntarily studied the flexing muscles of his back. He turned to me again and started to take slow steps. That alone was enough for me to move. I stepped back with each step he took and just like the man before, he paused and watched me. Like the predator he was.

"Hey Xander." the man said, making me look at him for a split second "I thought you were busy handling those rogue wolves."

Hearing his name was even worse, I had to consciously focus on keeping my legs from giving up on me. I turned my eyes back to him and found him still looking at me. Although he continued to watch me, he had stopped moving altogether. He didn't even look like he knew the other man was in the room. I was the centre point of his attention.

"I tried to get her to calm down and stay put because of her head, but she's very strong-headed for a tiny person. Would have taken me down too if you hadn't walked in." there was a teasing tone in his voice, like he had a strong belief I would have actually been able to do that. It was comforting and did well to slash some of the tension that had built up in the room

Xander had still not moved, nor spoken nor looked away. He didn't even blink. As offputting as his gaze was, the thought of me disappearing once he blinked being the reason he didn't want to do so wandered into my mind.

"I can handle it from here Cole." his gruff voice said, almost like he hadn't had a drink of water for days

That was when I realised who the other man was. Beta Cole, his right-hand man and best friend. He was also one of the few people who had refused to pick on me, but hadn't moved to ever defend me. Not like he could if he wanted to, so I didn't blame him. Cole nodded at me once and started to move towards the door. A new wave of panic bloomed in my chest and I wanted to scream for him to not leave me alone with this monster. As I opened my mouth though, only heavy breaths came out. I couldn't even run after him because that would mean stepping closer to Xander. So I took huge gulps of air and tried to raise my voice

"C-Cole" I called. My voice was so tiny, but I knew he heard me because he stopped and turned to face me again

"You finally remembered me." he said, sounding relieved. For what? I don't know

My eyes flickered to Xander to see his expression changing slightly to one of annoyance. It didn't stop me from saying what I wanted to though.

"D-Don't leave." I said "Don't l-leave me w-with him." The stuttering was frustrating. It made me feel so useless, yet I knew I had done a lot to keep from cowering and staying mute like I always did those years back

It seemed like Cole understood how I felt, but he gave a cautious look to Xander before moving back to stand between us both. He stood facing Xander, with his back turned to me.

"I know it's been a lot on you Ava, but please just stay until you feel much better." He threw a quick smile at me behind his shoulder, effectively shocking me "Xander doesn't really talk as much as he used to, he's more of an action man so I'll stay to make sure you're comfortable and nothing happens."

This didn't seem to sit well with Xander however as his face twisted, a frown marring his features. He didn't fight against this still, so that meant Cole wasn't going to move.

"Ava." he said, moving again. My eyes widened and I took quick steps till I was at the back of the bed

"Don't come near me!" I exclaimed in alarm, which made him stop again

"I..." he swallowed and shook his head, before his face relaxed into a warm expression "I promise I won't hurt you. I swear."

His tone of voice was surprisingly pleading. Coaxing even. Like in my dream, it made me want to hold on to him. I was not going to give in to my urges. These urges that bound me to someone I don't think I could ever love.

"I will never hurt you again." he declared

When I didn't say anything, he ran a hand through his hair and put a hand at his hip, groaning like a pained animal. I wasn't used to seeing him like this.

"Where are they?" I finally said after some time passed

He gave up on coming close to me and hesitantly instead moved to sit on a chair close to sliding doors.

"Safe." he replied

"T-That's not enough. I want to see them!"

"No."

A few years ago, I would have been affected and curled up in a ball. Now, the speed at which I could regain my confidence was soothing and encouraging. Even though I was very much afraid, I could talk enough at this distance. Cole being in the room also helped.

"Why?" I asked

He released another heavy breath and ran both hands through his hair.

"You."

Why was he talking like a barbarian? Was this how he normally communicated?

"I want to know where my family is right now." I said softly "What does 'you' even mean? What's wrong? Is it because you've had nothing to throw at me but insults and threats, you suddenly can't talk like a normal person?!"

My voice gradually escalated into a scream and I held onto the bed frame with all my might, willing for all this to be another nightmare and for me to wake up to the smell of Maria's blueberry pancakes. He looked at me again, before his face contorted into one of rage. I shrunk back as I felt the aura of his Alpha position weighing me down. He stood up, took slow deliberate steps, before stopping altogether and walking out of the room, the door slamming behind him.

I released breaths I didn't know I was holding and finally allowed myself to crumble to the floor. I tucked my head into my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs, all in a bid to control my anxiety. I was hoisted up and placed on the bed again before the duvet was thrown over my suddenly cold body. I repositioned and watched as Cole grabbed a chair and placed it by my bed. He sat and locked eyes with mine.

"I'm so sorry this had to go this way." he mumbled, "I wanted you to know he was coming here first, so you'd be ready."

I hiccupped and finally realized I was crying. The tears fell onto the soft pillow that was beneath my head and my hands held onto the duvet for dear life. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be near him. What had I ever done to deserve this?

"Please don't cry."

If anything, those words only made me cry even more as they solidified the emotions and reality of what was actually happening.

Cole sat there for hours until I finally calmed down and my sobs had reduced to light sniffles. My head was still pounding and I wanted to sleep. I felt numb and gazed at nothing in particular.

"He cut off his tongue." My eyes moved to Cole as he said this, confusion flooding me as I tried to understand. "Xander cut off his own tongue. I think it was about 2 years after you left he first did it." My eyes widened at this new revelation

"W-What?"

"I know it may seem like he's just trying to be unresponsive. A lot of things happened when you left..." he paused " Xander became a mad man sometimes. It made him do some crazy stuff. He cut off his tongue and we had to sedate him to reattach it. He refused to ever do it willingly. My guess was it was because he felt guilty. Still does."

He stood up and stretched.

"He did it again a year later but this time he willingly got it reattached. He had to learn how to use it again, but sometimes he can't talk for long. Both because of the tongue and because he doesn't feel the need to speak anymore. He's punishing himself."

Cole walked to the door and opened it, turning back to smile at me again.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to understand. You'll be able to see your family soon, so please just rest for today. Rest well, Ava."

He shut the door behind him softly, leaving me to my many thoughts. I was shocked and beyond able to comprehend what he had just told me. My heart ached and all the oxygen felt like it had deserted me. I was so tired. Yet as I laid on the bed, Cole's words replayed like a record in my head and I broke down once more. I cried for myself. I cried for my family.

I cried for Xander. His pain. His resolve. His self-inflicted punishment.

No matter what anyone had done. No matter how wicked or heartless, I never wanted any form of pain to befall them. Even if my words were angry, I secretly wished for them to never know pain the way I did. Nobody deserved that. I cried till my tears ran dry and I stared up at the ceiling.

"I just wished things weren't this way Xander."

If only we were not destined. If only he wasn't the way he was. If only we never met. If only's were the only thing I could think of. They could never happen.

"I wish I didn't have to be the one to hurt you."

As I drifted off to sleep, I heard the howl of a wolf in the distance, pained and calling out to me. I knew it was my mate.