Chapter 1: Episode 3

Present

There’s no way to pretend I can’t see him. Oliver has his arms wrapped around a pretty blond girl. I try to look away, but I can’t deny I’m shocked to see him here. The girl has massive boobs that pop out of her tank top, like two swollen balloons. I dart my eyes away and wonder if I can get out of here before he notices me. His attention is on the girl for another second or so before he turns, staring at the exact spot where I’m standing right now. Panic whips through me, and I quickly look away, already knowing he’s aware I’m here.

I bite my lip, contemplating if running out is an option. Now I understand that horrible feeling in my gut that’s been bothering me all day. Somehow my mind projected that we could meet again, and here I am, afraid to even acknowledge his presence. I glance back at him, and from a distance, I notice a small smile pull at the corner of his lips. My heart skips a beat when he leans towards the girl and whispers something in her ear. Then they look at me.

I turn around in a panic to face Dora and her beautiful new companions. “We need to leave…now,” I stutter. I feel like he’s tearing my body to pieces from the inside out.

“What?” Dora stares at me, wide-eyed. “We just got here.”

“Yeah, have a drink.” Nicole hands me a plastic cup filled with something that looks like beer. Louise is already chatting with a tall dark-haired student.

“Oliver’s here and he’s staring at us,” I hiss, trying to push her outside, but she’s having none of it. She glances behind me, probably trying to bring his attention to me, but that’s the last thing I want. Dora’s ruining everything. My new plan that involves staying away from Oliver is now out the window.

She giggles. “What are you talking about, India? He seems busy with blondie over there.”

I turn around slowly and peer through my eyelashes. Oliver’s no longer staring. His arms are wrapped around the girl’s arse and he’s kissing her. My stomach drops and a wave—thick and heated with jealousy—sweeps through me like a waterfall. They aren’t kissing like a loving couple in the park afraid of being seen. Their kisses are hard, deep; I can picture their tongues swirling inside each other’s mouths. My brain is sending an alert to my body to stop looking, but I can’t. His mouth is taking control of hers, and he’s reaching deep down, pressing her against his body. People are staring. Someone whistles. I instantly see memories of Christian flashing through my mind.

“I need a drink.” I rush as far as I can, away from Oliver and his “girlfriend.”

“Now you’re talking.” Dora smiles, following me.

My stomach twists itself into knots when I think about that evening in the cinema when we shared our first kiss.

Past

It was a rainy Wednesday night when I went to Christian’s house excited to see a new James Bond film. Movies were my passion, and I couldn’t miss a premiere of a brand-new classic action film. I ran a blog where I posted all my reviews, and I had a decent number of followers. Christian never shared my enthusiasm for films. He had a short attention span, so he managed to sleep though most of the films we went to. He also didn’t like sitting in a dark room watching movies he could download at home. He knew I was obsessed, and he also knew I would go, with or without him.

Christian’s mother opened the door and let me inside. Her cheeks were rosy, and I noticed a half-empty glass of wine in her hand.

“Come on in, India. You’re soaked right through,” she said, passing me a towel. Getting wet was just part of the deal. I always used to purposely forget an umbrella. Mum caught me a few times when I was walking back from school in the rain. She used to get mad, shouting that if I got the flu, she would send me to school ill. I was kind of weird like that: I liked feeling rain on my bare skin.

Christian’s family lived in one of those large posh houses with fronted bay windows in the better part of Gargle. His father worked a lot—he was barely home—and his mother liked her drink, maybe a bit too much. She was slightly drunk when I walked through the door. Christian gave me a kiss, passing me his hoody. He was tall and well-built with long dark hair. He’d played rugby since he was in primary school.

“Are you ready to go?” I asked. “The film starts in half an hour.”

“Yeah. Listen, do you mind if Oliver comes with us?”

My heart started hammering in my chest when Christian mentioned his name. I felt someone’s eyes on me, so I turned around. Oliver was walking downstairs. His long black hair hung over his shoulders. He was wearing a leather jacket and black pants. He smiled, and all of a sudden heat embraced my body, sending a signal to my brain that I shouldn’t be here.

“Yeah, sure,” I replied in a small voice.

“What are we going to see?” Oliver asked, coming towards me.

“A new Bond film. It’s got great reviews.”

“All right, children, let’s go. The sooner we get this over with, the better.” Christian sent a wink to Oliver. I hated when Christian forced himself to be with me. He could just say that he didn’t want to watch the movie.

“Have fun.” His mother didn’t take her eyes off the TV as she called out to us.

We left the house and jumped into Christian’s Audi. I sat in the back and put my headphones on, hoping to chill out a little with my favourite music. The cinema was only around a ten-minute drive. I avoided the premiere days, as Christian always complained about crowds. The new film we were going to see had been out for two weeks, so we didn’t have to worry about an overcrowded screening.

Christian was in charge of drinks and snacks while Oliver and I went to take our seats. I was excited to see the movie. My formal boyfriend came back just before it started and sat next to me. Oliver was sitting on my right. For the first half hour I couldn’t concentrate on what was happening on the screen. Oliver’s arm kept brushing against mine. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it purposely or if he was just uncomfortable. My pulse was skyrocketing, and every time he touched me, a violent tremor passed through my whole body. I liked Christian. He was always a perfect gentleman; up to this time he’d never pushed me to do anything that I didn’t want to do. But I’d never felt that spark with him that I felt whenever Oliver was around. Christian and I were together physically, but mentally my heart belonged to someone else.

Halfway through the film, Christian was asleep. That was his routine, and it meant I could finally enjoy the movie.

“Hey, Indi,” Oliver whispered.

I swallowed hard, turning around slowly. I blinked twice, seeing his perfect blue eyes. His face was only a couple inches away from mine, and that terrified me, because my heart nearly stopped beating. The odd, unfamiliar sensation settled between my thighs.

Oliver was staring straight through me. He brushed his thumb along my face, and I shivered, wondering how far he would go. He’d never shown any interest in me, certainly never in front of Christian. He leaned towards me and his lips brushed against mine gently, as if he didn’t really mean to kiss me. I was levitating with desire that suddenly rolled throughout my entire body.

Then he stopped and sat back, breathing hard. I waited for him to carry on, but he just sat there, staring at the film. His brother was snoring next to me, and my heart continued beating violently throughout the rest of the movie.

Present

I close my eyes, trying to erase that memory from my mind. It’s just the past. Oliver was only playing with me then, like he’s playing with me right now. He couldn’t know I had any feelings for him. I’ve kept that secret hidden away for years.

I walk to the fridge and pick up a bottle of beer. It’s way too hot in this house, but the kitchen is spacious and there’s plenty of food on the table. People are chatting amongst themselves. Dora doesn’t seem happy, drinking her beer and staring at a half-cooked pizza. Then a group of students walk in, laughing loudly.

“Hey, Jacob,” Dora shouts, batting her long eyelashes. She’s beside him within a second. We both remember him. Jacob’s the guy who threw the ball with Oliver when we arrived. I already hate him, and I hate that Dora decides to hit on him. I know that look on her face, plus Jacob’s her type: tall, well-built with messy blond hair.

“Oh, hey, I was wondering if you would show up.” He grins, nodding to the rest of the guys to give him some space. They start talking, and soon, he has his arm around her.

I can’t help but roll my eyes and carry on drinking and people-watching. Dora pushes him away playfully, pretending she’s a good girl, and that she doesn’t get close to blokes she doesn’t know. We both know that’s just her game plan. Dora adores attention. Half an hour later she completely forgets I exist. The alcohol and loud music could turn people into zombies. I know, because I used to be one of those people.

“Come on, let’s check the garden.” Jacob suddenly takes Dora’s hand. “I want to show you something,”

“Yeah, great.” She beams, peering up at him.

“Dora, where are you going? We need to leave.” I start to protest, but she vanishes into the garden. It’s not uncommon for my best friend to bail on me with a guy she just met, but this time, I’m worried because Jacob might be Oliver’s best buddy.

My skin tingles and I take a few deep breaths, wondering what to do with myself. The two Essex girls are also gone. Someone increases the volume and the music blasts, jackhammering inside my brain. I’m in dangerous territory. I’m scared to leave this precious spot because Oliver’s somewhere out there, and in here, I feel safe.

A few more people walk into the kitchen. A young-looking student passes everyone brand-new shot glasses straight from the box. I take one, not saying a word. It’s not long before he pours vodka for everyone and I’m forced to drink. I don’t want to look like an idiot in front of everyone else. Two years ago, I partied almost every weekend with Dora and other friends, so I should be used to vodka.

“Another one!” A girl lifts her glass, so here goes another round. Somehow, I manage to sneak away from the kitchen with the lame excuse that I need to find the bathroom. It’s safe to be back in the living room. Oliver’s nowhere to be seen, and I don’t have to keep drinking. The music is much louder now, and Dora’s still nowhere to be found. I can only hope she isn’t having sex with Jacob in the back of the house, although I wouldn’t be surprised if she is.

The vodka leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth. My stomach makes a flip, so I hurry upstairs to find a toilet. A few drunken students push past, nearly knocking me over, and I clench my teeth hoping the nausea will pass.

In the bathroom, I lock the door and sit on the floor for a minute or so. Luckily, I don’t have to puke, but my body is drenched with sweat. It takes me a moment to pull myself together.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, wondering if I’m ever going to feel normal again. My caramel-coloured hair is all over the place, my cheeks are flushed, and my muscles are aching. I run my finger over my eyes to remove the smudges from my black eyeliner. My stomach makes an uncomfortable growl as I take a few long breaths.

Then I hear a noise, and someone enters. I lift my gaze, and in the mirror, I see a familiar face. Our eyes meet, and the ache in my heart starts vibrating all the way to my bones, causing an eruption of panic. The air ceases in my lungs. I could have sworn that I locked the door when I came in, but now Oliver’s here, standing in that small space with me.

For several long moments, neither of us make a move. His gaze hardens on me. Only two steps divide us, and I consider screaming. Adrenaline starts pumping through my body, but I stand there, immobile, wondering what he will do or say.

A small smile creeps across his mouth as he locks the door of the bathroom.

This is not good, not good at all.

My mind shouts at me to start running, but I can’t move. He’s changed so much since the last time I saw him. His lean, ripped body looks thrilling, and I begin to wonder if he aimed to look like his brother: strong, handsome, and not afraid of anyone, even me. His pupils dilate and he inhales quickly, taking a step forward.

“Get out,” I say, before he gets too close to me. My voice sounds weak, but Oliver doesn’t even acknowledge my order. He moves even closer. Soon, I’m pinned to the basin, breathing like an asthmatic. His arms cage me in on both sides, and I’m at his mercy. His eyes penetrate me, showing me that he’s in charge like I’d once been.

My heart leaps in my throat, but I don’t dare move. I’m afraid to touch him, to make a connection with his body. Christian was a monster, and Oliver is a man who desires his payback. He wants to break me, though, not caring that we were friends once before.

“Indi, you’re going to listen to me very carefully because I won’t repeat myself. It’s only this once, right now, that we’re going to talk.” He’s almost whispering as he leans close to my face.

I want to move, scream, shout, or do anything to get away from him, but my body doesn’t want to react. I’m holding my breath, feeling the heat embrace every small part of me. I can’t give him a response. I’m not the person I used to be. Here, I’m weak, lost, and confused.

“You will go back to wherever the fuck you’ve come from. You’re going to pack. Then, you will call your mother and tell her you’ve changed your mind about studying in Braxton. Then you’ll take the next bus to Gargle and stay there until you figure out what to do with your life.”

He stops talking and waits for my reaction or response. His closeness is killing me. I’m not able to hurt him the way I used to. My demons are back, but there isn’t any hatred left within me. I poured everything out on Oliver years ago.

I’m hanging there, taking long rigid breaths, wondering if he’s serious. When his expression doesn’t change, I know he’s not joking. He wants me to leave Braxton, to stay away from his new life.

“I’m not going anywhere.” My voice is just above a whisper as I respond after a long moment of silence. He can say what he wants, but I won’t leave my dream behind. I worked too hard to get here. He can’t expect me to throw my hard work away just because he can’t deal with me.

His dark eyes narrow and his body tenses. There are two possibilities of what might happen: first Oliver will insult me and leave, or second, he might find a way to make me leave one way or another. It’s my own fault he’s so angry right now. I ruined him and all the feelings we had for each other.

“I’m giving you a chance to leave of your own accord, Indi.” He pins me down with a devilish stare, a smirk playing on his lips. “Otherwise, you won’t have a choice, and I’ll make you leave.”

It’s as if I’m enjoying the humiliation, not being able to push him away and stand up for myself. “I told you: I’m staying no matter what you say or do.” I grind out through clenched teeth.

For a split second he gives me the impression he’s said enough, but then he does something unexpected. He takes a step back and drags me to the wall, pinning me closely to his chest. I let out an uncontrolled sharp gasp when he pushes his body closer to mine, blocking my last possibility of escape. His cheek is right beside mine, and I wonder if he’s capable of hurting me, the same way I hurt him. My body turns into mush, and the desire is back, swirling inside me like a windstorm. I force my breathing in and out slowly.

“Oh, Indi,” he begins, whispering in my ear. “I can’t believe you’re throwing your one chance away. If you don’t want to stay miserable for the rest of the year, you need to leave Braxton tonight. I tolerated you through high school, took all the insults and pranks, but now, I’m not the same person. I’ve changed. It’s your choice, but remember, if you decide to stay, I’ll be breathing down your neck, watching you. Trust me, you don’t want to be my enemy, because I’ll hurt you.”

Then, before I can even comprehend what he just said, he lets go of me and leaves the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. For a moment or two, I stand there learning how to breathe again, my chest rising and falling. My mind spins as I slide down to the floor. This isn’t happening to me. He didn’t just give me an ultimatum. Oliver doesn’t own me like his brother did. It’s been two years since Christian died. It’s been two years since I was freed.

I bring my hands to my face, sobbing quietly. If I don’t comply, Oliver will make sure that I won’t last in Braxton. He always keeps his word, and I know he wasn’t bluffing. I lift myself up and rinse my face. My green eyes are glazed, and my cheeks are flushed.

I drop my head down and take a deep breath, considering all the options. He’s already winning. The old India would never have let him take control here. She would have fought, and she would have won.