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She lets out a contented little sound and I can see her pulse throbbing in the delicate hollow of her neck. She tries unsuccessfully to move her arms and gives up, letting me know exactly how much she wants this, the lust burning brightly in her eyes. She arches her neck, offering me the sweetest of temptations.

I lean forward to taste her, licking and nipping along her collarbone as I move to her jugular. Slowly and carefully I suckle, drawing in small hickeys from the corner of her jawline to the sensitive spot beneath her ear, where I leave the marks of my teeth behind. The soft moan of her pleasure makes me growl, grinding my hips against hers, trying desperately to alleviate the ache between my thighs that threatens to spill over.

I move further down, trailing kisses towards her collarbone, my hands finding purchase on the curves of her torso. A low moan escapes her lips, as my touch sends shivers running through her body. She arches her back forward on the table, her boobs bouncing wildly as I continue to trail kisses across her shoulders.

My one hand makes its way down between her thighs, and I can feel her wetness, as I part her clit and begin to stroke her pussy. She feels unbelievably delicious beneath me, her body perfectly aligned with mine, every part of her pressed close to mine.Suddenly, she breaks away and pushes me back from her body forcefully. I tumble off of her in surprise and look up at her, confused.

“What is it?”

“We need to talk first.” She says sternly.

I ignore her words, leaning in to brush a kiss on her cheek but she turns her head slightly to avoid me.

“What’s the problem?”

“We need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“No. You keep evading this everytime I bring it up.”

I let out an exasperated breath.“What’s the problem babe?”

My hand snakes behind her back, pressing my palm against the bare skin of her ass. She flinches slightly, returning my hand to the place where it belongs.

“Will you give it a rest?”

Women. So damn unreasonable at times. I hold up my hands in defeat.“Alright, alright. Talk then. What’s wrong?”

She sighs and gets off the table, walking toward her chair, slipping into her nightgown. I watch her walk away, following her closely behind. When she’s reached her seat, I grab the wine bottle from the table and pour some wine into two crystal glasses. I slide one glass in front of her and sit opposite her.

She takes the glass and raises it to her lips. After taking a few gulps, she places it to the side before speaking. She stares me straight in the eye, a steely expression etched into her features.

“I need to know what we are and where we’re headed.”

I blink. My gaze drops briefly to my lap before returning to hers.Fucking unreasonable.

“Where are you going with this?”

“Answer me.” She says sternly.

“C’mon babe. All of that doesn’t matter.”I close the gap between us, grabbing her hands and placing them on my thigh.“Look at me.”

She shakes her head.“No. I’m not falling for that anymore. I need clarity, Josh.”

She yanks her hands free and grabs the wine bottle, pouring herself another drink, ignoring me completely. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, wondering why I even bother.

“What’s this about, Alya? You’re just gonna ruin a good night? For what?”

“I need clarity, Josh! Is that too much to ask?”She stands up abruptly, anger and hurt evident in her eyes.“For God’s sake, we’ve been fucking for months now! I can’t keep this up Josh. You think I don’t see the texts? The calls? You think I don’t know I’m not the only one?”

I stand up too, crossing the room to face her, cupping her cheeks, forcing her to meet mine. I stare at her intently, not sure if I should tell her what she wants to hear or not. I could lie. Tell her she’s all that matters to me. But am I ready for such commitment? Not in a million years. She gets tired of waiting for me to talk and pulls away.“Tell me, Josh. What are we?”

I can see the tears pooling in her eyes. I pull her against me tightly, stroking her back, holding her close. I can feel her shaking and I stroke her hair, whispering soothing, meaningless nonsense.

After a while, the trembling subsides and I feel her relax against me. She buries her face in my chest, resting against me gently.“Can we just—“

“No we can’t.”She whispers, looking up at me with red rimmed eyes.“Just answer the damned question, Josh. Tell me you love me and you want this. That’s all.”

I pull back, running a hand through my hair in frustration. A million thoughts whirl through my head but one of them stands out above all the rest:I’m not ready for this.

She must see something in my expression because she looks down, her brow furrowing.“Josh…?”She whispers with uncertainty.

“I can’t.”I finally reply quietly.“It wouldn’t be right.”

Her gaze meets mine and there are still traces of hope lingering in her beautiful brown eyes.“Josh…”

“I’m sorry. You do deserve better and sadly, I can’t offer that.”

A sad smile creeps its way on her lips, a single tear spilling from her left eye.“Fine.”

I take a step closer to her but she backs away from me.

I open my mouth to speak, feeling guilty for hurting her but she cuts me short.“You don’t need to apologize. I understand.”

She walks past me as she grabs her jacket and heads for the door, stopping in front of the mirror to fix her hair before walking out. Without turning to look at me, she says,“Goodbye. Be good, ok?”

The door closes behind her and I lean against the wall, closing my eyes.

Fuck.How did this happen so fast? And with Alya of all people?I had been fighting it for months, but now the feeling hangs heavy over me like a dark cloud. I can’t keep living like this anymore. Something is missing. I have to find out what it is, or it’ll drive me insane.

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