4

Chapter Four

“This is the best farmer’s market I’ve been to since I got here to the States,” Eamon said as he sipped his beer and looked through the windows down over Pike Place Market below.

She’d taken him on a ferry to Bainbridge Island and back, they’d ridden to the top of the Space Needle and now they were having a drink before heading back to her place to have dinner. It had been a really lovely day. He’d made her laugh and she’d lost all her nervousness with him. It was like they’d fallen back to the place they’d been when she left Ireland four years before.

“I’m biased, I know, but I do love The Market. I come here a few times a week to get fresh produce, spend too much money and calories at Three Girls Bakery and have developed an addiction to the fresh pasta and cheese at DeLaurenti’s. Remind me to make you a mug of Market Spice tea before you go home. No, it’s nothing like Irish tea, but it’s really good.” She grinned, happy to share one of her favorite parts of Seattle with him.

He didn’t look convinced about the tea.

“Hmpf, a bunch of flowers in a cup of hot water does not make tea.”

She laughed. “I knew that look was about tea. It’s orange and cinnamon and all sorts of yum. You don’t put milk in it but it’s great when the weather is cold and wet. How you deal with LA after being in Dublin for your whole life is a mystery.”

“At first I liked it. What man can complain about barely clothed women in November, I ask you? But it’s December and it’s nearly thirty degrees!”

She paused a moment, thinking it had never been that cold in LA when she’d visited until she realized he meant Celsius. “Yeah, that’s pretty hot. Now that you know I’m up here, you can come for a visit when you need the cold and wet.”

He put his beer down and took her hand, kissing her knuckles. “And you can escape the cold and wet and be half dressed like the other women in LA when you come visit me. I don’t live in a mansion but my complex has a very nice pool and I’m near the shore.”

She grinned. “Thank you for the invitation.”

“I’m serious, Cat. My brother and sister-in-law don’t live too very far from me, but other than them, I don’t know too many other people and certainly none I like as much as you.” He winked.

“I may take you up on that in February when it’s been dark and raining or snowing for months.”

They had a few beers and watched shoppers below. Afterward, they picked up a lovely bottle of wine and headed back, hand in hand, to her place so she could think about dinner.

“I wasn’t sure about this place at first,” he said as he put the wine on her counter, “but the more I’m here, the more I like it. I suppose I just expected you to need more space.”

“Space is nice. But this place is mine. Belonging is underrated. Compared to that, space is overrated. I’ve lived a long time without things I’d earned. Either I owed someone for the things I had, or I lived with someone as just another possession. My grandmother gave me a wonderful gift when she passed and left me the money to buy this condo. She gave me independence and there’s simply no way to put how much I value that into words.” Her voice began to crack and the heat of unshed tears stung her eyes. Before she blubbered all over him and ruined the evening, she changed the subject. “Would you like to sit in the hot tub? There’s one on the roof. I just put the ziti in the oven, it’ll be a while.”

He paused, started to speak and then shook his head. “A hot tub in the misty rain? Sounds delightful.”

She stripped her clothes off and changed into her bathing suit. He watched, a smile on his face. “I don’t have trunks for you. But I have some old cut-off sweats. They might be a bit tight, but they’ll work.” She dug through a drawer and tossed them his way. It was her turn to watch him undress and change once she’d changed.

“I like yours better.” He looked her up and down. “I like that you’re not that ghastly shade of orange women seem to prefer instead of wearing their pretty, pale skin.” He drew his fingertips over her collarbone and down over the curves of her cleavage exposed by the suit.

His mouth found hers and she liked his taste enough to slide into his embrace and settle in. Eamon took his time, kissing her senseless with small nips and sucks of her lips and tongue.

Fuck the hot tub. She put her arms around his neck and pulled, tugging him toward her bed and he laughed. Instead of her bed, he spun, picking her up and putting her on the counter. She tossed her glasses to the side so they didn’t get broken or in the way.

“I thought we were going to take a soak in the misty rain?” he murmured, his lips skimming down her neck as those clever fingers peeled back the cups of her bikini top and exposed her breasts to his touch.

“We could. And then you kissed me and woke up all the need I have.” She braced her hands on the counter behind her ass so she could arch when he found a nipple with the edge of his teeth.

“We can’t ignore that,” he said as he pressed his fingertip over the front panel of her suit bottom, right over her clit. “You’ve been sorely neglected, Cat. So much need trapped within you. It’s okay to want. Okay to need. Don’t deny yourself this way. Let me give you what you want.”

All she could manage, as he dipped his fingers inside her suit bottom and then moved his body closer to hold her thighs wide with his body, was a breathy sound of assent. He woke things within her that scared her sometimes. When she stayed focused on things that needed to be done, she got through it. Worked toward her goals. But if she started wishing and wanting, what happened then? The idea of walking around with all this unmet need freaked her out. She had enough empty spaces inside herself.

No. She couldn’t think with his hands on her, with his attention on her, but it was all right. She could just feel.

Feel as his mouth, hot and wet, tugged and sucked on her nipples, first one and then the other, over and over as his fingers stroked through her, over her, driving her up until her orgasm shattered through her like shards of broken glass. Pleasure so sharp it nearly hurt flittered through her system.

“That’s better then,” he spoke softly as he pulled her into his arms and carried her to the bed.

The apartment began to fill with the spicy scent of the ziti and of sex.

“Don’t move. Condoms are in my bag by the door.”

As if she was going anywhere. Pffft. She did sit up a bit to catch his retreat toward his bag. What an ass the man had, even in tight, women’s cut-off sweats.

But when he returned, she pushed him on his back and took the box from him, setting it aside. “You’re ambitious. I like that.” She pulled his pants off and scrambled over him. “Fucking can wait. First, some nibbling and some sucking.”

“You think I’m going to complain?” He laughed as she kissed her way over his chest, the merriment turning into a groan as she flicked her tongue over his right nipple.

His skin was warm and hard and he smelled good. No cologne, just his skin and the light scent of his soap. He was familiar and yet exotic, a very sexy combination. The muscles on his abdomen bunched and released as she scooted down, nibbling over his belly button and down that sweet, sweet trail of hair leading to his very interested cock.

He groaned, deep and rumbly, when she grabbed it at the base and licked around the head. It had been a while but she found herself eager to make him feel good, to give him as much pleasure as he’d brought her. He was so sexy, so delicious she wanted to gorge herself of him.

He clutched the comforter as she set about doing that very thing.

Eamon watched her, ate her with his gaze as she rose and fell over him. Her hair tickled his bare thighs as the heated wet of her mouth engulfed him. Good sweet Christ, but she was gorgeous.

He wouldn’t last long this way. He’d wanted her all day long. Had wanted her as they’d strolled hand in hand through the chaos of the Market, had stood on the deck of the huge ferry across Puget Sound to the lovely little Bainbridge Island. He’d begun to do things to coax a smile, to hear her laughter. She’d pointed out the highlights through the rain clouds as they stood on top of the Space Needle, so confident, she’d been, even as they stood far higher than anyone should have. Her natural sensuality had surfaced the longer he’d been with her, unfurling as the day had passed. There was something inside him that prided itself on being the one who’d brought it out from hiding. Something inside that’d craved more. The tenderness she’d evoked when she’d spoken about independence and what this apartment had meant had scared him a bit. He’d wanted to take her in his arms and talk about her feelings for hours. But where would that take them? Friends did that, but when you added sex to friendship and then the depth of sharing like that it became more. And he didn’t need more. More was complicated and he wanted simple. So he’d let her steer the conversation toward a lighter topic and then had been quite happy to substitute sex for deep thoughts.

“Wait,” he said in a croak, “I want to be inside you.”

Her eyes flicked up to meet his and she shook her head, taking him in deep again, so deep he felt it all the way to his toes. He cursed as she sucked harder and bright lights spun in his vision.

Her hair was like silk against his hand as he reached out to slide it through his fingertips. Soft and cool in reds and golds, so pretty.

His body seized, muscles locking as he came, pleasure barreling through him and into her. When it was over and he could open his eyes again, she was smiling up at him, her head resting on his belly.

“I wanted to come inside you.”

She laughed, sitting up. “It’s early yet. Let’s have dinner and then you can fuck me. Your recovery can’t be that long.”

He moved, bringing her to lie atop his body. “Pffft there, miss. There’s nothing wrong with my recovery time. That was quite a lovely blow job, thank you. I wish I’d have had my camera nearby.”

She raised a ginger-colored brow in his direction.

“Just for my own enjoyment. I promise. I don’t even have internet access on this trip.”

“It’s not an experience I’d like to repeat,” she muttered as she reached beside the bed to grab a robe.

He frowned, both at the loss of her nakedness and the comment. “Someone put naked pictures of you on the internet?”

“Yes. There’s more than one reason I’m single.” She got up and he followed.

“What kind of arsehole would do that? Your ex-boyfriend did this?”

“He’s a big asshole, that’s who. That was the least of his many offenses.” She handed the bottle opener his way. “Open the wine please. I’m going to make a quick salad to go with the pasta.”

“Tell me about it.” He settled in on one of the high chairs at the kitchen counter and poured them both a glass of wine.

“Nothing to tell. He was a jerk. I finally walked away.”

“You didn’t use to be this stingy with details.”

She sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “When I got back from Ireland, my parents had a party for me. I was supposed to start Harvard law that fall if you remember. But I saw Adam there. He and I were together in college and had broken up about six months before I went to Ireland.” She kept her eyes down as she chopped and cleaned vegetables. “We got back together. Things moved really quickly, I got caught up in his energy, in his plans for a business he wanted to start. I ended up putting off law school for a semester to travel with him for his new business. And then two. He wanted to come to Seattle, establish himself here for all the IT contacts. Naturally, I came too. I figured I could go to law school at the UW.” She took a sip of her wine and then slid the salad bowl toward him.

She made a quick vinaigrette and then pulled the ziti from the oven. He didn’t push but he wanted to hear the rest of the story.

Caitlin hadn’t told the whole story to anyone but Anh and that had been hard enough. But it felt good to tell him, it felt good that he’d asked. She dished up food for the two of them and sat.

“I applied and got in but each quarter he’d tell me how much he needed me so I put it off another year. We lived together in this ridiculous house in Clyde Hill. Across the lake on the Eastside. His business took off and it did really well, still does actually. He went out a lot for work, which is normal and expected. I never had any reason to suspect anything was wrong until my picture—naked pictures and video—showed up online. His friend, the one you met last night in the club with my friend Amy, he knew about it for a month and didn’t say a thing. I flipped out, Adam laughed it off saying I should be flattered but I made him take it all down, destroyed the files on the computers.

“His behavior only got worse. I’d started to volunteer at a legal clinic and he got jealous, accused me of cheating when, as I was to find out, he’d been for about seven months. With his secretary if you can believe that cliché.”

Eamon groaned and curled his lip. “Boy needs a thrashing.”

She shrugged, agreeing. “Anyway, when I found out about the affair I left. I moved out and stayed with a friend for a few weeks. My grandmother had died and left me some money. Money enough that I bought this place. I started school and I didn’t want to look back. Anyway, that’s the story.” Not the whole story of course, but enough to spill before she was going to eat.

“He was a fool to not see the gift he had. I’m sorry.” He tucked into his food and didn’t drag it out, making her appreciate him even more. Men like him, people like him who didn’t have to fill all the empty spaces with words, were rare.

“And your friend from last night? The girl who was with the boy we hate. Does she go to law school with you?”

“No. She and I were at Harvard together. She lived in my dorm, across the hall for the first two years and then she and I were roommates. She moved out here before I did and we re-connected. We’re very different. She and Nathan, the guy we hate,” she laughed, “are in a sort-of relationship. Meaning she chases him. He has sex with her and doesn’t call her. She declares she’ll never speak to him again until the next time she sees him.” Amy had served as an important lesson to Caitlin. Each time her friend would take the call, had sex with that asshole again, put aside her own life, her own sense of self-respect for Nathan, Caitlin remembered that all the loneliness and hard work was worth it to be her own person. It wasn’t that Caitlin didn’t want to be in a relationship and have love. She did. But she knew she had to get through school, get a job first so she would always have something no matter what happened. Something that was hers and hers alone.

“Pity. She’s a lovely looking girl. Perhaps she’ll watch you and learn a few things.” He sighed before taking a sip of wine. He pointed to the vegetables she was cutting. “Where did you learn to cook? Because if I remember correctly, I did all the cooking when we were together last.”

She grinned. “Yes, I was spoiled. I admit it. I never had to cook, someone always did it for me. But when I came out here I got really sick of take-out food so I took some classes through this group called Culinary Communion. It was a lot of fun and I learned a lot of styles and met people and realized that I could do it. I could do things I’d never tried.”

He reached out and drew his thumb over her bottom lip. “Means a lot, doesn’t it?”

She nodded. More than she could express. Having grown up pretty affluent, people had done for her most of her life. She’d thought she was independent, travelling and going to school on her own, but really, she’d just been on field trips while her parents had paid her bills. It’s not independence if you owe people for it. It wasn’t really yours, more like a loan. And she’d moved in with Adam because he’d expected her to. Yes, she’d taken care of him and helped him run his business but he’d always been sure to undercut that, never letting her feel good or smart about it. Now, in retrospect she could see it was abuse, he’d kept her down because it suited his needs to do so. But it had taken her a while to figure it out and she was mortified she ever let it go so far. The shame still caught in her throat sometimes but it was over and she was back in control and she’d never lose herself again. That shame was a good lesson, the sharpness of it kept her from forgetting the price of living through someone, of giving your dreams up for someone else’s. She never wanted to be dependent like that again.

She moved out. Bought this place on her own. Went to school without any support from her family, who’d predictably taken Adam’s side and urged her to return to him. Her mother had told her to commit herself totally to Adam, that it was Caitlin’s fault he’d strayed to start with. It had made Caitlin harder but in the end, she’d done it and had thrived and she’d proved to herself that she was worth it. Smart enough and accomplished enough to do what she wanted to do with her life. No one would ever make her doubt herself again. She’d never owe anyone or depend on anyone to her own detriment again. She could do it and she would do it. She would graduate with her law degree. Early even. She would practice law in the public interest and help people and she’d never put her life, her needs and goals, aside for anyone else again. Love didn’t ask you to give up your dreams. Love wanted you to live those dreams. You might alter them, you might delay them but you didn’t simply live through someone else instead of living for yourself. It was a hard lesson but one she’d never forget.

“So much on that beautiful face. He hurt you and because of that, I’d like to thump him.”

She laughed. “Thank you. Yes, he did but I survived. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been and he’s the reason in a way. So it’s fine.”

They finished dinner, laughing and talking, and he helped her clear up the dishes afterward.

“Now, I do believe I’ve recovered sufficiently to bury myself inside you for an hour or three,” he said, pulling her back toward the bed and tossing her on it.

Yes, that would work quite nicely.

***

He loved to watch her through the lens of his camera. Especially when she wasn’t aware he was photographing her. Today’s outing had them standing on a platform at Snoqualmie Falls, the mist cold on his face, her hair up in a high pony tail, exposing the beauty of her eyes.

He had to fly home tomorrow and while part of him was eager to get to work on the jobs he had waiting, another part knew how much he’d miss her. Over the last few days, they’d picked up where they’d left off four years before. Their ease with each other had returned to the point where whether it was sex, cooking dinner or going for a long walk, they simply clicked.

He supposed it was better than it had been four years ago because there was an intensity now that he hadn’t felt before. He’d always liked to see her smile before, to hear her laugh, but now he craved those moments when her eyes danced and her face lit with amusement. Craved that moment when he brought enough levity to her that she let go of her seriousness and laughed. In laughing, she was as filled with abandon as she was with sex. Head tossed back, full belly laughter until her eyes began to tear.

Earlier that day they’d curled up in her cozy apartment and had read for a few hours. Devoured the New York Times from end to end along with the Seattle Times Sunday edition. They drank coffee and he was loath to admit it, but her much touted Market Spice tea did hit the spot rather nicely. It had been a very long time since he’d slept in on a Sunday with a woman and had lazed the morning away. She brought him a lot of pleasure and unexpected moments.

She had so much inside that no one touched. He sensed it, brushed up against it as they spent time together, began to really want her to open up to him with it. She responded so openly, so wantonly when he touched her it was clear enough she had no one in her life doing the good kind of touching. It made him angry even as it also brought a rush of tenderness for her. He’d examine that later, with some distance between them. For the time being, he’d decided to just enjoy it.

As if he’d been calling her name, she turned and rolled her eyes at the camera. “You’re a menace with that thing.”

“I like to look at you. Sue me, as you Americans like to say. It’s different through a lens.”

“What is?”

“The world. Come here and look.” He held the camera out, aimed toward the falls and she looked through. “Now look through at things, me, other people and look with your eyes.”

Caitlin looked around, viewed the world as he did and then pulled the camera away. Living that way could lend a sense of fearlessness to certain choices. Like it felt they were happening to other people. “I never really thought about it but you’re removed from it an extra step. Like watching life in a movie instead of living it.” To a certain extent she could see the appeal of it.

“Sometimes it gives you a different approach to a subject. It’s good and bad, I suppose.”

She took a picture of him standing there, looking so big and male. “You should give me lessons.”

He laughed and she took another shot before handing the camera back.

“We can do a trade. You can give me legal advice and I’ll give you photography lessons. Or you can ply me with sexual favors.”

“I can’t give you legal advice because I’m not licensed to practice yet and I won’t be licensed in California. But I’m always happy to dole out sex.” She tried not to think about how that meant he’d be two states away. It had been a lovely several days. He’d spent the night every night, had woken her up with slow, warm sex and had kept her entertained and happy. She’d miss him when he left the following day but now that she knew he was around, they could email and talk on the phone occasionally. Maybe she would make it down his way when her schedule allowed. Or something.

“Come on. Now that you’ve introduced sex back into the picture, I find myself in need of some.”

Back at her place, just barely through the door, he pushed her against the wall, his mouth on hers, not gentle. He took what he wanted, what she offered willingly, with hands that seemed everywhere at once.

Shoving her jeans down around her ankles, he dropped to his knees and rained kisses along the upper line of her panties, following them down as he bared her to his lips. She could do nothing but lean into the wall for balance, her hands sought the still wet softness of his hair as he kissed the heart of her, pressed his lips and tongue around her clit. Her pants held her nearly as immobile as his intensity did.

Climax struck, quicker than she’d expected but he didn’t break his rhythm. She found herself on her back on the rug in the entry, looking up at him as he fumbled with a condom. She managed to get one leg loose from her pants just in time to welcome his body with her own.

The slow, inexorable entrance into her body with his sent shocks of pleasure up her spine and still she couldn’t look away from his face, the light in his eyes as he claimed her body. That’s what it was. A taking. It’d never been that way for her, ever, and it nearly hurt that it wouldn’t be again. But she’d never forget the set of his beautiful mouth, still wet with her body as he thrust deep. Tenderness, yes, but determination to fuck her, to own her for just a few short minutes. It burned deep and she knew she’d never be the same. In those moments it wasn’t the nice, friendly sex it had been in the prior days but something deeper, more primal and she knew as well as she knew her own name, it would change her.

“With me, Cat. Come around me,” he murmured.

She burrowed her hand between their bodies, found her clit ready and pushed herself over quickly. He groaned and followed, pressing hard and very deep.

He was still against her for some long moments afterward as they caught their breath, but when he finally looked into her eyes he looked worried.

“You look like you think you should apologize. Don’t you dare.”

“How’d you know?” He relaxed but still had some discomfort around the edges.

He sat up and helped her to stand before leaving briefly to deal with the condom.

“You’re a nice guy, you just fucked the hell out of me so you might worry you were too rough or whatever. It was on your face. But I’m not made of glass and it felt really good so don’t apologize. Not to me.”

He watched her face intently until he finally sighed, kissing her chin. “All right then. I don’t hurt women. I wouldn’t want you to think that.”

“If I thought you wanted to hurt me, I wouldn’t have spent pretty much every moment of the last five days with you. It’s okay to be rough sometimes. I sort of like that you couldn’t wait another moment.” More than she should.

He grinned. “Good, because I couldn’t. And by the way, it was very delightful.”

After they’d moved out of the hall, they headed straight to her bed. He lay next to her, her head resting on his biceps. “So what are you going to do with your degree?”

“I really care about the kind of law I’m doing right now. It’s hard working around all these abused and neglected kids but I feel like it’s the kind of job that makes a difference. I’d love to get a job at the AG’s office when I finish school. They like me, I know that, but it’s a competitive hiring process so we’ll see.”

“Have you always felt this passionate about kids?”

“Every child should be wanted and cherished. Sure, kids should be afraid of being bad and screwing up in school or whatever—you want them to succeed. But no child should fear being injured by a parent. No child should go through what I see on a regular basis. Being traded for drugs, having mom turn tricks in the home, mom and dad strung out, the house turned into a meth lab. Being raped by your father. No one should have to deal with that much less children who have no ability to protect themselves. They need someone on their side.”

“What do your parents think about that?”

“I don’t know. I guess they’re proud I’m in law school but I doubt they’d be happy I want to work for the government instead of a big firm. My father would say government work is for losers and people who can’t do any better.”

“You haven’t told them yet? What your goals are?”

She sighed and snuggled back against him. Her ass fit the cradle of his thighs perfectly.

“It’s complicated. I don’t talk to them very often. They don’t know what my plans are. They’ve never asked, I’ve never offered. It’s better for our relationship if we don’t talk at all. That way they don’t have to tell me how disappointed they are in my choices and I don’t have to get an ulcer. Win-win.”

“I don’t get how that can be a win. Of course they’re proud of you. You left a bad relationship and now you’re set to achieve your professional goals. How could they not be proud?”

She snorted. “You’ve never met them. They’re disappointed in my choices. They say I’m exactly like my grandmother, which to them is an insult because she was a fiery, self-made woman who didn’t give a crap what anyone thought. My father named me after her, but I think it was only for the inheritance. They weren’t very close. He’s the kind of man who thinks women exist to serve men, that being a wife is the most important thing she can do. Even if, hello, it’s not like my mother gets up early and makes him breakfast before he goes to work or anything. But she’s a pretty ornament for his arm, she looked the other way when he had mistresses, she spends his money but not too much of it. That’s what I should have been with Adam. For them, I’m still the girl they paid good money to have other people raise. Independence isn’t a quality they admire in a woman. They felt I should have given Adam another chance and that my not committing to him totally was why he cheated. Being in law school instead of with him is a huge failure in their eyes.”

He hadn’t grown up in a television-style family but his parents had both always supported everything he’d ever wanted and done. It was inconceivable to him that her parents would actually want her to stay with her cheating bastard of an ex. She was so smart, so driven, anyone would be proud. He also began to see why it was so important to her to do what she wanted and to succeed.

“They’re gits then.”

She laughed and they fell away from consciousness.