4

CHARLOTTE

I was too stunned to make any sudden moves. My life was crumbling before my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I slid onto a couch next to the door and sobbed quietly.

My heart raced, and my body trembled terribly. I had finally lost everything that was important to me. It felt like life enjoyed playing cruel tricks on me. First, it was my dad and mom dying, leaving me to fend for myself in a world where everyone operated on a different set of rules than the one I had been raised with. Now my husband was gone.

“This can’t be happening,” I said to myself as tears streamed down my cheeks. “It’s all a bad dream, and I’ll wake up from it soon.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. I wiped my face and slowly opened my eyes, hoping to meet different circumstances. My resolve wavered as I opened my eyes and the house became silent. I was still in the library; nothing had changed. The silence made it worse; it was easier to deal with this when I could still hear people talking to each other in the hallway. This stillness carried an air of finality with it that I refused to accept.

I stood up and walked towards the window and watched as the trucks moved away, carrying most of the items in the house. Fresh tears rolled down my face as I watched Rogerio get into his car and follow closely behind. “Don’t leave,” I tried to say, but my mouth opened and no sound came forth.

I swallowed and slowly backed away from the window. I took one more look at the library and chuckled with realization. The shelves were empty too; he had taken every piece of literature that lined them, and that’s how I knew that we were done.

Rogerio could abandon anything but never his books. During the months we spent getting to know each other, he referred to this room as his fortress and the books as his companions. If he had left the books or taken some of them, I would have been assured that he would come back. Now? I knew that nothing of the sort would happen.

I slowly made my way out of the library and into the hallway to meet Maria, standing at the end of the room. She lowered her head and sighed loudly.

“Are you going to leave me, too?” I asked. “I understand that you work for the Thuthais, not me, and you don’t have to be here. Especially now that I don’t know how I’m going to pay you or anyone who works here.”

My life had changed in more ways than one. I had reverted to a life of solving my problems on my own, and this time was just as terrible as the last. I wasn’t ready to go down that path; I didn’t know the first thing about being alone, and I had no idea how I would sort out the responsibilities that came with it. I glanced at Maria as she shifted her weight and lifted her head to meet my eyes.

She smiled sadly and shook her head slowly. “Everyone’s gone, Signora.”

“Gone? What’s that supposed to mean?” I inquired as a puzzled expression crossed my face. “Where’d they go?”

“Some of them left with Signor Rogerio; the others... Well, they chose a different path,” she answered, watching my reaction to the news.

I chuckled and started walking towards the bedroom. I needed to lie down or I would do something much worse. I couldn’t tell what it was at the moment, but I knew my bedroom was the best alternative at the time. I entered the room in quick strides and crawled under my sheets. A few minutes later, I heard her walk into the room.

“The cleaner, the butler, the gardener, and the drivers are all gone, yet you’re still here. Why?" I questioned and closed my eyes.

“I couldn’t bring myself to leave, Signora. It doesn’t seem right. None of this seems right,” she replied as she shut the door behind her.

“No use shutting doors when it’s just two of us living here. What’s the point?”

“Forgive me, Signora; I’m a creature of habit.”

“Charlotte,” I corrected her and buried my head under the sheets.

“What?”

“Charlotte. That’s my name, none of that Signora nonsense. It means nothing now,” I answered, and she shrugged.

“It’s not nonsense; you are still Signora Thuthai. Up until you sign the divorce papers, then you can be anything you like.”

“I can be anything I like,” I whispered and I moved the cloth away from my face. “You say it like it’s that easy.”

“It isn’t. Nothing is easy, but the good part is that you can try. Now you have a chance to take the cards you’ve been handed and make something out of them.”

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about turning life’s lemons into lemonade, Maria,” I replied, slowly dragging my body into a sitting position.

“I doubt that. You just need to find the strength to make up your mind and do what you need to do.”

“What I need to do...” I echoed and smiled wistfully. “Well, I don’t feel strong enough for anything.”

“That’s understandable given the circumstances. It can also stem from the fact that you haven’t had anything to eat since last night.”

“Food is the last thing on my mind right now.”

“That’s rather unfortunate. It should be the first; you can’t make good decisions on an empty stomach,” she retorted and glanced at the tray on the table. “That’s cold already; I’ll make something else.”

“Then what? We’ll throw this away.” I gestured towards the tray. “I don’t think we have the luxury of being wasteful.”

She chuckled. “I understand. I’ll leave you now. I have to examine the grounds to make sure everything is in good shape.”

“Alright,” I muttered, and she made her way to the door. “Maria?!” I called out just as she pulled it open.

She stopped in her tracks and looked at me. Her eyes held the emotion she desperately tried to conceal: sympathy. “Yes, Signora?”

“Thank you. For staying,” I uttered, and she nodded in response and left the room.

“I can be anything I want to be,” I asked myself as I got off the bed and moved towards the table. I had no appetite for food, but Maria was right.

I needed to conserve energy for the work ahead. At this point, I only sought one thing: closure, and I was going to get it. I had done everything right by Rogerio.

I was devoted to him and what did I get in return? A lifetime of neglect and heartbreak. I needed to find out the reason for his actions. This was something I should’ve done a long time ago, but I let myself be blinded by my affection.

“Look how far that’s gotten you, Charlotte,” I mumbled drily and uncovered the plates on the tray. I picked up a fork and dug into the meal in front of me as I considered my options. There were a few ways to find out what Rogerio had been up to, and a few of them included spending money I wasn’t sure I had anymore.

I couldn’t afford a private investigator, and it would be rather stupid to put it on his tab. If someone was divorcing you, they certainly had no desire to accommodate your expenses.

Especially if those expenses revolved around hiring someone to stalk them. I had one other option; it was risky given that he had warned me about coming to wherever he had moved to, but I had to do it anyway. The only way he could press charges was if I got caught.

“All I have to do is avoid getting caught,” I said to myself and shoved a fork full of pasta into my mouth. I could barely taste the meal, but I couldn’t care less. I had my mind set on what I wanted to do, and the food was simply a means to an end.